Paralysed with anxiety

If I don't hold on, there will be no-one to fight for me, stand up for me, support me - I only have myself. No-one else believes in me. No-one else deems me to be important enough. It's just me against the world.

Gary Jules (Mad World)

M heart aches for those who suffer the most heart shattering of realities. They deserve better. They deserve the opportunities I have.

I hate it when these likeable people try to make people like me - the unlikable and the looked down upon - feel better by saying 'your problem is that you see your glass as half empty'. It'd be a lot courteous if certain people would acknowledge the fact that they have less problems than I do. I'll never understand why I've gone through more pain than others and why others have faced even worse realities. Is it because we deserve this? Is it because THIS is the only way we'll learn life lessons? Are our prayers being answered through these experiences?

Bits of lyrics from Mr Know It All by Kelly Clarkson, dedicated to my father

Being with people takes a lot of energy. By the end of the day, so much energy has been drained. The only remedy is to indulge in some extensive 'me time'. When I'm alone, in blissful solitude, I feel energised, capable and strong. It's a feeling of peace that I can never attain while I'm with my family or friends. It would surprise many to know that it feels a lot like home to me. 

Imagine that! No worries for the rest of your days! No social anxiety. No self-doubt. No hatred. No conflict. No inequality. No sadness. How overwhelming would that sense of relief be!? 

And so, I procrastinate until it does.

They are patient and take the time to know you