Everybody's Aunt

(Credit also to @maxwellelvis​ and @alephnull47, and @wackd​ for creating the chat and @zarekthelordofthefries​ for posting the link to the video that somehow accidentally started the tangent that made this the funniest fucking thing ever.)

Disability benefits: "I mean, sure, there are probably some sad sacks who are gaming the system, there always are, but hell, with the amount of taxes we pay, the government can afford a few freeloaders, right? I'd rather pay for a couple people who don't really need it than not have the system at all for if I need it, or my kids do, or whatever. I mean shit happens. What if some asshole drunk driver puts me in the hospital and it takes me a year to get back on my feet? Or Heaven forbid something permanent happens. I'll sure be glad that I can get disability then, won't I?"

UBI: "I dunno, the kind of guy who'll just sit on the couch playing Call of Duty all day if he doesn't have to work, I kinda don't want him on my job site anyway. That type is just taking up a place that you could fill with someone who'll actually get the job done, you know? You end up short-handed even though you technically have enough people because everyone else has to pick up his slack. And it'd mean that if your boss is a dick you can tell him to shove it and not worry your kids are gonna go hungry while you find a better place. We can sure as hell afford it."

One person says that Steinbeck is one of their favourite authors for prose, and then they share an example of what they would consider purple prose. It is so violetly awful that I think the poster must have written it themselves as a kind of parody of purple prose. Other people assumed the same.

But as it turns out, they are quoting from a book written by a YouTuber whose channel ia dedicated to talking about writing (namely, their own writing, which is genius, but often not comprehensible to the drooling plebs).

Naturally, I read the free sample of their book in awe and horror, and I'd like to share some screenshots with you. If you also have trouble defining or understanding what purple prose is, it's this.

'Noctilucent orbs'. Even fanfic written by a 14-year-old wouldn't dare.

your body does pretty much all it's physical rest and repair processes ('stage 4') in the first 4 hours of sleep, so if you've slept for four hours, congratulations the essentials of your physical health are taken care of

the part of the sleep cycle that takes care of your brain and mental health (REM) happens later in the night, hence why waking up too early makes you brain foggy, and why it's so helpful to train yourself to wake up about the same time every morning

we are evolved to wake up several times in the night; we don't usually remember it, but worry and fixation can make us more likely to remember these

sleep under the influence of alcohol is chemically altered and not effective no matter if it helps you sleep - it's fine to have a drunken night of course but don't use alcohol as a sleep aid to 'knock yourself out', being drunk unconscious is not sleep

the best thing you can do for your sleep is follow a routine; go to bed and wake up at the same time most days, and have a 'wind down' routine, preferably including writing down whatever's on your mind to clear it before sleep

for long-term sleep improvement, it's better to wake up at your planned time regardless of sleep quality than to get a full nights' sleep

missing a night of sleep is NOT the disaster certain scaremonger-y sleep 'experts' will tell you - 'slept debt' does NOT exist and you will recover from a missed night of sleep within a few days of normal sleep

meditation is the best alternative to sleep if you're either unable to sleep or feeling the urge to nap (napping is bad for sleep!) - guided ones can help you not to fall asleep, but literally just lying there with your eyes closed and thinking about something neutral is good

acceptance is the best way to alleviate insomnia; do something else, use meditation to supplement that rest, and accept that you aren't sleeping (often, ironically, this will cause you to fall asleep)

Early on in Saga Anderson’s exploration in Alan Wake 2, she runs into Ilmo Koskela. Fiercely proud of his Finnish heritage, Ilmo gregariously makes note of Saga’s Nordic sounding name and the familiar design of her knitted sweater. Perhaps a fellow Finn?

Alas no, Saga’s mom is Swedish she informs him. Immediately Ilmo’s face falls. I’m not sure if it’s actually just the animated character defaulting to his resting face, but either way the timing is too perfect. Cue uproarious laughter from me. People in the Nordics are on friendly terms of course, but we gotta have the tiniest bit of… scornfor each other. All in good fun of course. It’s traditional.

Now, I’m Danish, not Finnish, but still, I feel right at home in the towns of Bright Falls and Watery in Alan Wake 2. All of the little nods to Nordic culture and mindset feel so wonderfully familiar to me. The melancholia, the irreverent sense of humor, the affection for the Finnish and Swedish quirks of the characters. The game feels all the stronger in tone and narrative for Remedy embracing the Finnish roots of the studio.

Which is exactly why it sucks that I almost immediately saw the charm of those narrative decisions weaponised against Saga.

as much as i love alan wake, it rubs me the wrong way that scratchwake & caseywake are the most popular ships in the fandom. where andercase only gets crumbs...

YOU GET IT, ANON. It's not even SO much the lack of sipping for Saga, so much as there's not many creations of get period. She's so brilliant with the little time we had with her. She was everything Alan wasn't, and even after everything Alan (unintentionally) put her and her family through, she still didn't hate him (Casey had that covered anyway). There's still so much it Saga that we don't know, and of course all of that couldn't fit in one game with dual protags, but that's where the fandom should want to come in!

What's Saga's day-to-day life like? How was it like being raised by a single white mother? Did Saga get pregnant with Logan or did they CHOOSE to have her young by other means? What was the beginning of her partnership with Casey like? How long did it take for him to warm up to her and become Logan's uncle? HOW AND WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DRINK COFFEE IN SYNC DOWN TO THE SECOND???

The whole backstory to her, Freya's falling out with the Andersons sound very intriguing and keeps me wondering What Happened? What's Door's involvement specifically??? But you're right, even to the smaller slice of life: day to day details are fun thinking about 👀 Does Logan know about her grandmom a lot? How did Saga meet David?

anyway, this makes me think saga and david got married after logan was born and probably because logan was born. they'd have been like 21 years old. i'm sure saga doesn't regret anything, but does she ever feel like she lost her youth? :( and does that influence how eager she is to dive into the strangeness and even the danger of the bright falls case? she is very excited to be working a cult case; an excitement her partner obviously does not share. also notable to me that she says she's never taken a case so far from her family before, and i think she's simultaneously feeling guilty and excited about that too.

and then i'm ALSO thinking about how in the horror story timeline saga would have been married, raised a child for 9 years, lost that child, and gotten divorced, all by the age of 30. (and also proooobably lost her mom within that timeline, or perhaps soon after. it's unclear to me exactly when freya died.)

and oh by the way all that while working up the ranks as fbi agent. she and her husband both must've had to make such sacrifices to do that.

I always just felt that Saga wanted to have the next generation have the Anderson surname, make it something of a tradition, even. Freya absolutely adored that, even if she was desperately worried for her daughter. To want a child this young, with her whole life ahead of her. That had to be terrifying for everyone involved.

I don't think Saga regretted Logan for one second, at any point in time, but I do think she subconsciously knows she missed out on some things she just didn't have the time to do. And the youngest she could've joined the training program for the FBI was 23, so yeah, being a young, married mom with a demanding career? Phew.

Saga Anderson From Alan Wake 2.

People for some reason call her a mary sue because, She has powers and skills. Like, Okay? Then wouldnt alan wake be a gary sue??? And say that shes somehow not interesting, annoying and ugly, First off all Fuck you Shes hot Second of all, Shes not annoying, and She's pretty interesting.

Dont get me started on the one comment i saw where someone was like "ugh! I cringed when alan said that she can stop it he should of been a dick to her" like, First of all, Did you like play alan wake 2 with your eyes closed?? Saga was literally pulled into helping alan escape and Second, God Forbid a Black women is an actual hero and a protagonist.

Honorable Mention: Someone saying that alex casey should of been the protagonist instead of her.. like its giving the "Yeah! Im not racist and this isnt about race but heres 5 white characters who should of been black characters role"

Furthermore, She's often sidelined or erased in fanworks. That, or shes even turned into being a fujoshi for the white men, or is turned into a racist sterotype in favor of the white men.

Like, Look i get it that alan wake is a protagonist but like.. Saga is right there and shes a protagonist! Yet she gets nothing.

Well tbh i feel like, and this might anger some people but like, i feel like in general the alan wake part of the fandom is kinda shit when it comes to female characters.

Alice is sidelined or sometimes treated as the girl geting in the way of Yaoi, Barbara Jagger is often erased or deluded into being a tool that tom doesnt need any more, Rose is dumbed down to being Scratch's love interest and I already talked about saga.

It just pisses me off, There are a lot of really good and interesting female alan wake characters but yet, They're often just pushed out of the way in favor for the white male characters.

how can i make every microtrend in the art community about alan wake

"That's what they want you to think!"