I haven’t written anything in almost three years. No creative writing or spontaneous poetry, nothing at all.
For so long I prided myself as a poet and creative writer. Someone who had the potential to really write some good stuff with a bit of hard work, consistency, and time. But I suddenly let go of all of that.
One reason being that it takes so much effort to write. I can’t get myself to do it out of fear that whatever I write is going to be “bad”. Cripping ADHD makes it difficult to initiate hard tasks and stay consistent. So I just decided to stop writing.
Another reason is that I shut down the creative and imaginative parts of myself. I was trying to take myself more seriously, get others to take me more seriously, and focus on more “ambitious” goals in life that would pay off later. But I’ve realized there’s more to life than grades and internships and a successful career.
I miss the vivid imagination I had when I was younger. I miss the old me who enjoyed weaving words together to tell stories. I want to feel more like myself, and getting back into writing is my way of doing that.
Yes, I’m scared to write again because I know it’s going to look bad at first. I’ve lost practice and I’m finding my voice again. But hopefully I’ll feel better about myself, and maybe I should take my own advice when I say that bad writing is still valid and beautiful in its own way.
