My mental health all collected in a blog

However this time he started talking about weight loss. He suddenly decided to ask my stepsister how much weight she wanted to lose despite her not saying anything that might indicate that she wanted to lose weight. He then proceeded to say something along the lines of 'do you know how much weight you're carrying around in that fat ass of yours?'

Now my stepsister is thankfully the type of person who will just answer back instead of internalising it. However at first she was completely stunned and I just exclaimed 'You CANNOT say that to people' to which he just responded 'I'm just saying it like it is'.

This was the point where my stepsister started responding. She's grown a lot the last couple of years so she was probably being more calm than she usually would've. Plus she's in the middle of a pedagogue degree so she's learning how to deal with people like him. I think she just responded smth like 'well I actually work out fairly often' and just casually moved on despite him trying to make more comments.

So yeah she was completely cool about it. I however was not. I straight up started crying and having a panic attack and his comments weren't even towards me. It was just a big trigger for me due to my current struggles with EDs plus I was already not in a great place since ice cream is one of my fear foods. So weight comments were the last thing I needede. Luckily I was wearing sunglasses so I just hurried inside without him noticing.

When I came back and he had left we talked a bit and I realised that my stepsister was probably more hurt than she let on. Her weight is a sore subject for her as well so she got pretty upset as well. Then she said 'speaking of which, I've been meaning to ask you, you've lost a lot weight recently havent you?? can you give some tips?'. And I have not learned the right way to answer that yes. Usually I just go 'yeah' and then not follow up with anything so they realise that I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to lie but talking about it SUCKS. And I do not want to give my stepsister any ideas because I do not want for her to go through what I'm going through rn. She's beautiful and doesn't need to change anything about herself.

I sent some long messages telling her that I loved her and that whenever she wanted and that I loved her to pieces.. I don't THINK her bf would be violent against her but it certainly got me worried..

I have a friendgroup and weve known eachother for 10+ years and we hve a snapchat group where we constantly send pictures to eachother..

Friday one of my friends sent a picture of her bedsheet which had a hole the size of a person in it and she wrote smth like “maybe i should throw this out”..

I responded immediately with “i think its time to let go♥️♥️ rest in peace” and two minutes later she calls me.. mind you we are not the type of friends to call eachother especially not on a random friday morning - however i had recently written with her abt some practical stuff so i thought maybe she just wanted to quickly go through that over the phone instead of msgs

I go “hi!” And she replies “Hey....” silence “uuhh whats up?”.. “whats up with that message?”

I panic bc i immediately realise that what i thought was obvious sarcasm/joking did not land.. so i quickly say “oh shit it was just a joke abt ur sheet”

And then thank god she starts laughing and is like ‘omg okay wait that makes sense’.. i laugh as well - she says that she had a lot of stuff on her mind so she forgot the pic of the sheet the second she sent it.. apparently SHE thought i was ‘breaking up w the friendgroup’ or smth (i think thats what she thought?) anyways we laughed about it, i apologized and hung up

I quickly go to our snap group bc i dont want the rest to mistake it and write “ive been notified that my joke abt the sheet did not land, I apologize”.. she responds with like “im still laughing” or smth like that

So I THINK?? Things are alright.. except NO ONE else responded... not even a laugh emoji.. nothing.. and now its been 40hours and no one has send a single snap in the group.. usually there are CONSTANTLY pictures send there..

I know its prob just my anxiety! Bc she laughed.. she said it was funny.. but did she lie? And did everyone else think it was weird and fucked up??

I know it might be dumb but my worry partially comes from the fact that one of the friends in the group lost her grandfather last week.. maybe they all think im an insensitive bitch for making a RIP joke after that..