maybe, if i leave you - richmond international

serious bird art + works account @cricketofthicketjays

itft bird au stuff

i post art here, and also chatter a lot. i mean a lot. all of my posts are out of context + i tend to livepost throughout the day. if you don't feel like scrolling through all of that, feel free to look at my art tag (#🎨🖌️⏰)

occasionally i may post my animations or music and whatnot!! uh. i do in fact follow back. i like to make moots

very experimental guy. my artstyle does whatever it wants. i simply either go all out or dilly dally

about me

my name is lucas cokley, but you can simply just call me lucas.

he/him (pref) or they/them. it/its is ok too

agender transmasc

demiaroace pansexual and fictoromantic fictosexual

nickname of shame: cockley. (given by everyone ever)

other nicknames: my little lucasville, lucas carkeys, lucas cornflakes, lulu, Popcorn king foot alarm, lowkey cokley, followed by who knows more

black (african american + nigerian mainly), white (italian + irish and scottish mainly), and filipino. 3 in 1 shampoo

bodily 14. i am a minor.

about who/what i am... skip if you don't wanna hear the whole story behind this LOL

me. clears throat. i am lucas cokley. in real life

it's been about late 2024, nearly two years since i've realized who i am. at first upon a glance, i viewed it as just a simple 'kin', before weeks later it developed into a bigger figment of what i truly am. this is just plain me hence why it is so prominent. it overlays the other two parts of what i am no matter what. basically the base of it all

twice over shyness, i hid behind two false identities (no way and liam plecak) semi out of sincerity because i DID have slight connections to them although it was wrong due to the fact that it wasn't really 'me' deep down and i was afraid of other itft irls or fictionkins seeing their LITERAL creator (before this was semi doubted in canon in a way at the time so i thought i was the creator of itft cause of the whole 'created by lucas cokley' thing) on the internet so i just hid that part of myself for two years straight. out of guilt. even for a multitude of other factors as well such as being mistaken for another character (clock) repeatedly or just having little to no significance at the time. though after realization, i began to realize that to hide this is untrue of me, and i had nothing to be guilty or fear of, because my friend juniper showed me so. if it weren't for him, i would have never came back out of my shell and expressed... well.. me.

useless note about this but so many occurrences in my life made me feel closer to being connected with this part of myself, like how as a wee little child my theme and crap was polka dots. my birth city's name is actually really close to canon (that being jacksonville) and my deadname/birthname had five letters and started with an L. my damn washing mashine is the same brand and makes the same exact noises in canon. looks around. laughs. chuckles. yeah ok again woopdeedoo this is irrelevant does nooooot matter i could go on about that for eons

soul species component / kintype / identities

i would rather not be called a therian, i am, in the soul, a black crowned night heron. (nycticorax nycticorax)

around mayish of 2025, remembering several past dreams i had, and looking back at my early childhood i figured this part of myself out. this part of me is the second most important and is more "inner", hence why i refer to it as my soul self etc. highlighting the dreams i had younger, i had always had these montages of me in a marshy, but bright field. there was a puddle that i looked into, and i took in my appearance. if i remember correctly, i appeared to be some sort of stocky wading bird, with brilliant red eyes and a black cap to the head. i would then take off into flight and sky dance with the egrets and other herons around me. (yes i am aware this is unrealistic but mind you this is a dream.) before i really got into birding, i never thought much about it. after the fact, i got really into the specific family of birds, ardeidae. herons, egrets, and bitterns. i looked into it, did a lot of research, and the specific bird caught my eye. black crowned night heron. i put my mind off of it that night, before having the exact same dream as before. i knew that was me. i knew i was that species. now today i have come to terms with this, and display as such. in legit non osc artworks depicting myself i draw myself as my soul self. i also prefer to be drawn like this if you do not want to depict me as. me??? cokley?? idk you can draw me as a heron to spice things up lol. accurately by someone my age, i would have the streaked brown juvenile plumage, rather than the striking black and white look

tidbit fact: i heavily associate the song "the body or an earthling - serani poji" with my soul self which is the reason why i am super fond of that song. i would imagine that song as the sky dance montage song

additionally (figured out late june) i have a kinship with coyotes, specifically eastern coyotes/coywolves. (canis latrans var.) *not the same as a soul species however, as it is merely a kintype and not the primary part of me. i will rarely display myself like this if at all and i prefer not to be depicted as this but it still links to my identity in a way

several times as a child, i always felt connected to canines especially whilst growing up. along side me i had a dog named gracie whom i saw as my sister rather than just a pet (due to her being born a year before i was), and that connection was really strong before she sadly passed away on 12/13/25, but when that kinship was the strongest a few years back i figured this was what i was before completely forgetting about it. eventally i was enlightened, after time with a fellow canine like myself (hi sunny son)... fast forward to now (late june) it was fully certain that i am a coyote. now that i think back on it, the said connection was leaned more towards the wild canines despite growing alongside a domestic dog, and at the old house me and gracie lived in, there were always coyote songs heard in the distance in the night that stirred something within.

two notes regarding this..

i would highly prefer if doubles didn’t interact with me face to face. i usually mind my business and i will gladly steer clear of them if they steer clear of me. i'm completely neutral about fictives or yumes however. i do not mind them.

do not try to 'reality check' me or refer to me as delusional cause honestly. it doesn't help anyone. i'm not really the type of guy to argue over anything so it's just.??? i am an average human being living much like you and it's not actively causing any harm to my wellbeing or yours and i am solely expressing myself

my hobbies and interests

i love birds. i love drawing birds i love birding. like a lot. i'm in the junior audubon society birder program. i love to learn more about these fascinating creatures, and i love to share information with others about them.. when i feel like it i like to draw realistic bird portraits and stuff of the sorts

my favorite species of birds are the families ardeidae and columbidae. the palm warbler is my spark bird! in specifics though i'd have to say my favorite bird in general is the eurasian jay (even though they're not from here) and the boat tailed grackle as seen below

while i'm at it. here is a small handful of other pictures i have taken

i have an odd fascination and obsession with clocks. the inanimate objects. clock towers twin bell alarms watches wall clocks you name it. very biased. ignore this.

semi getting more into cynology

i love to make music. sometimes i make small experimental things or i outright sing but most of the time it's the experimental stuff. rarely or often i do make shitposts and satire creations manifested out of pure boredom

there's an au i have of itft but they're all birds. can you tell i love birds

fandoms and musical artists

i love object shows, and a dozen other stuff like murder drones, roly polys no nanakorobi yaoki, animal crossing (one of my fav childhood games along with yoshi's wooly world) south park, rick and morty, any early pbs kids shows, studio ghibli movies, aqua teen hunger force, watership down, swordbird, robot chicken, dogs in space, and the outsiders. semi into dave and bambi since about 2021.. will not list everything also because i like a vast majority of things. also i forgot to add a favorite youtubers section but i messed with layze and pink mango since around 2024 summer. honorable mention, adding gregonmyheffley, sugarrushsean and frankie fey + benoftheweek too. <@:)

really interested in devi mccallion, talking heads, they might be giants, the scary jokes, glass beach, tv girl, alex g, serani poji, oingo boingo, elio mei, lemon demon, tally hall, tyler the creator, drive45, rebzyyx, falling in reverse, everclear, pearl jam, nirvana, also really familiar with jack stauber.

putting some of my favorite songs here because why not

but overall i mainly like it's time for the.. sometimes i tend to refer to it as "my show" for obvious reasons but at this point considering everything happening to me in canon i don't think i have that privilege anymore

miscellaneous/useless facts

despite me coming off as blunt often i am actually very whimsical

i had a cringey ass hfjone au called the free bird au or something and it was on ao3 and tumblr for a while

i've been here for about 2 years?? since the square profile pic era of tumblr i guess

i was shit out at 2:34 am on january 24 on the grand year when nasa's curiosity rover landed on mars

used to be able to speak some italian when i was 11 but since nobody else in my region did i never spoke it and i literally forgot how to. i only remember basic phrases and if i really think hard then i could technically remember some of the random stuff but eh. i know a tiny bit of tagalog as well

prior to this account, i used to have another one in the past, (went by sprinklezNtaro4524, chiliches4524 or hjaopanses, pretty well known for the so called murder drones + hfjone content, and the free bird au iirc) some of my old works from that account will probably resurface every once in a while cause they're still on pinterest and reblogs here. due to how bad my home life was though i ended up having several breakdowns and i deleted the whole thing and cut off everyone i knew at the time. the people i hung out with though weren't. really good to be though especially given my mental state

in the present, i am in a much better mental state thanks to therapy in the past and most importantly all my friends and my partner. appreciate you guys

fair warning: however despite this i sometimes (albeit rarely) vent because my although my home situation has lightened up, things still tend to happen and. yeah. i do tag accordingly just block the #vent tag or any tag attached to said posts to avoid them if you would like or just ignore it

another note: i have recently broken up with @/clocktart. if he is mentioned in any early posts ignore them as we are overwith

suspected bpd, diagnosed with mdd (major depressive disorder), and generalized anxiety disorder

this will be edited every once in a while

cool mutual section (not in order! let me know if you wanna be removed though.)

@prehistoricsystem

@mifengmi

@sleepystrutter28

@stagefrightbaxter

@dr-fizzovich

@sunnysm1ley

@feathersaround

@greifer-blocktales irl friend : )

@itty-bitty-isopod

@host-objectified-irl

@weatherchannel-collective

@m0rgos

my found family....

shoutout to my awesome adopted son and best friend whom has helped me come out of my shell (and taught me to be content with myself) and was there for me some of the lowest times of my life @jun1purrx !! love you man. much thanks ⭐

honorable mention, my sis, @nowayslovey!! lauve you venus greenus pin pinadin. in all seriousness tho, you're awesome! thank you to, for sticking by!

@frogslily (that's my cousin and awesome moot) 💚🪷

dni

just general criteria. no racism, no tr*mp/ICE supporters, no homophobes / transphobes and bigots, fetish/nsfw blogs, etc etc and overall just don't be a dick to me or my friends + fam. also respect my personal boundaries. if you're not a moot i often talk to do not try to DM me or tag me in reblog chains. that's really it though. don't feel like listing a whole thing cause again i kinda don't care who you are as long as you're not any of the above. i do block freely and who i want

please do NOT repost my art under any circumstances. using it as your pfp or banner etc is fine but i would highly prefer being credited. (for famfam, disregard this rule)

i have pinterest, tiktok, youtube, discord and vrchat (ask to friend), and probably other socials too though i most likely forgot about them

strawpage

tag guide

#moosics 🎺 (my tag for my short little songs on jummbox or ultrabox. there's satirical song covers too)

#shit skit audios 😢🍿 (soundcloud itft skit audios that suck and are dumb on purpose)

#itft bird au (self explanatory)

#lucas's birding stuff (birding! such as photos or mentions or audio of birds i encounter. should've added this tag sooner. facepalms)

#lucas's stampy things (my stamps n graphics n stuff)

#picmix (my picmix stuff)

#📺 (my videos or animations)

#🎨🖌️⏰ (my art tag)

will have more tags soon don't know

formerly went by 95alleylane/ardei-fae/lucassidy/haliburii/jay0te/casiojays/cricketjays/orasanidae // if anyone else uses these names or any of the other ones PRIOR, that is not me unless i, myself, confirm it. plus it'd be obvious if it weren't me.. some accounts of mine go under my old usernames though because i am unable to change it or i'm lazy

other blogs -> @lucasthecokley (rb blog) @lucascokley (rb blog relating to stuff reminding me of canon. totally didn't make it for the handle)

last edited: 7/27/26

i hate how i still care about him and love him and i'm probably going to end up forgiving him because i can't let go and i keep remembering how good things were at one point. it was partially my fault for it even ending though. i was dealing with my home life and it got to a point where i didn't care enough to even care about myself so it was twice as hard to care about him. he wants to play the "switch the tables" card and end things himself but since he was the only person in my life to show me such deep affection amongst the loveless world i was in (excludes platonic stuff), i'm far too attached and i just know inevitably i'm still going to spend my energy sorting stuff out and being back together again. i keep flip-flopping myself about how i hate him but i actually don't, and i know some of you may be a tad bit worried about this decision, but i don't think i can let go. he did just disappear to go sleep and we never finished talking and i was. pissed. we were healthy at one point, i'm sure some could recall. and the only reason why this whole fiasco happened is because of the state i'm in and he's constantly worrying about it. worrying so much about how little time we have together and it's just. yeah. some stuff in which i will not elaborate on, i do have to address though, if i want it to be 100% clear. this all depends if he wakes up tomorrow and doesn't be an ass about it. i never actually gave him the said last straw if we didn't finish that conversation. hoping he's bluffing about the last thing he sent though and if not. oh well. i know i keep bringing up his bad sides and this is by far the biggest fight we have had but i just. really miss how things were before. he stated that "the old charlie you know and loved is gone" but i refuse to believe it man. he's there somewhere.

a key thing i do when i'm pissed is that i tend to overreact heavily. if you were to view this all through my eyes, you would definitely get why i still care about him. there's a lot of things he does that i can read behind because they are reoccurring. that fight is much like the smaller ones we would have, except much more escalated due to the fact that i suggested we break up, or at least take a break. saying the first option was half hearted for me. when i told my friends about the situation, i really wanted to let go, but deep down??? i can't. i can't do it, and i don't know why. i am a stoic person. i am not usually that attached to anyone like that, to THAT extent. even if said person has multiple issues and refuses to get help, and when my help isn't good enough i'm basically useless. he's at a battle against himself, i've noticed. he has two sides. one is the good side that i know and love. the other side i'm not.sure about. that's the side that probably wants to get worse. and after that side takes toll the good side is left guilty. i don't feel sorry and i don't forgive charlie just yet, but i still long to pick up where we left off last night and i would like to try to fix things one last time. i'm in the second stage of grief and i'm still pissed as hell hence my blog title and recent posts. but i am most likely going to mellow out tomorrow. and just hope. that i can at least talk to him. sounds like i'm being manipulated into still wanting to fix this but again, aside from the bad stuff i have stated, there was so much good he had brought to my life before this week. literally a week ago it was all okay and all of a sudden when home life gets tougher and i stop chatting all cheery because of it, he becomes indifferent. i don't get how it went wrong. but at the same time? i'm not all in the clear either. i know it's not my responsibility, but a few days ago when home was worse, he comforted me and helped me for such a long while. after that when he got sad of my absence, i. didn't do much. because i was too tired to even speak anymore

i wish i could tell him upfront what TRULY bothers me about him though. i love him for who he is, but i don't like the way he ignores my friends. it's a jealousy thing and he is very possessive of me, but???? shortly after adopting our son he never talked to him again after like a week and now he's just MY son. same goes for other people. i don't expect him to be super social, but at the same time it's a little sad when he ignore anyone else who isn't me, especially if he spends his days waiting for me to stop hiding in safety and being disappointed when i am gone for days at a time. there's other stuff that bothered me too, but i trust him enough with that stuff.

i'm not sure who's at fault here. it's surely not a majority of me, though. and the characterization of his messages before he got too sleepy was just plain on stupid, immature, and manipulative. he's not manipulative as a person, but he has those traits and i hate it. it makes me mad at him when i recall it.

i do not wish to break up with him despite it all. i hate to say this because though i did elaborate to my friends and mutuals about this, it was very brief or i just showed one side of the thing. and most of them are very wary and for a good reason too. anyways, i can't really bear the thought of leaving him, just like that. he's probably either livid or hurt because of my blog title and the posts i made in a fit of anger, but he knows deep down that it's half hearted. i'm not sure if he'll bother with me after this post either, but in case he missed the point:

i still love and care about him despite it all and i just think, with a bit of help from me, he needs to get better and try to BE better. in general. not personality-wise, but morals wise, and in mannerisms. i wish he could go back to how he was a week ago and prior. before the home events temporarily wrecked me. i don't want to end things snap right here, or just "be friends". i want to pick up where we left off on that conversation, if his ass would just unblock me so i could DO so! i mean no harm, and he never gets the point that i just want to fix things. i have to take it slowly. i want to help. i want to let him also be independent with this. i want everything to go back to how it was. even if he's not content with my friends, they're MY friends and not his, and all that matters is that i pay good mind to my friends too for taking their advice. nobody told me strictly to straightup never talk to him. they merely said do what feels best, or reccomended so. i'm continuing to wing it, tomorrow, even if i'm extremely tired. i have to be patient.

i hope he is aware of the lengths i'd go to still prove i care.

if not, i'm not sure i could do much else

he is quite lucky i deeply care so much and that i remember every single moment he has genuinely helped me through the countless times of tragedies.

i hope we can pick up where we left off and fix this for the better, rather than ending it here

i hope he knows i was never deep-under-the-skin mad or upset at him

i'm not even angry anymore i'm just scared

i willingly, still want to try, even if his mind pushes me away like it usually does

i want to try

because i love him.