Unknown To Us

This is a telepathic first "chat" between God and some douche… let's call him John Douche. God: John, this is God, do you copy? JD: hm?! WHATUFUCK?! WHO IS THIS? COP? THA FUZZ? WHERE ARE YA?! GOD: No, John, not the police! I said copee! PEE, John, PEE, as in "do you copEE?" or "roger me?" if you prefer?! JD: ROGER YA???! PEE???! YOU DEAD SISSY SALSA QUEEN, PUNKY BREWSTER-LIKE PASSIVE PUNK!! ----- WHERE-AAARE-YAAH!!!! ----- - end of transmission - no signal.

A douchebag in a farmyard won't feel like a fish out of water, actually! Its cock-a-doodle-doody-doodoo attitude or "swag" will attract the hens. In fact, D-bags have quite a high intellectual potential for farming! NOT as a FARMER but as a FARMEE! COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!! WHO SAID THAT DOUCHEBAGS WERE NOT EGGHEADS ?!!!

History of Douchebagness:

By being empty, the silicone D-bag can be filled to the brim with water, proving THUSLY its usefulness! Likewise, the human D-bag, by being empty of wisdom, can be filled to the brim with Douchebagness, and THUSLY be full of himself! THUSLY, being empty is proven to be useful! EMPTINESS RULES! THUSLY!

Interacting with a DOUCHE is like casting pearls before swine: your pearly speech and physical appearance is too luminous for its oversensitive eyes and peanut-ova-brain! To avoid being blinded by you, the DOUCHE has to attack in order to feel better! Whataya gonna do? IT sees you as swill to put down! Douche will be Douche, and that's that! So leave it alone ASAP and move on because playing ITS game will drag you down in ITS muddy playground and before long you will roll around along with IT. Lest a snout grows on you too, do not respond in kind! Let the DOUCHE gloat, smirk and wallow in its own BAG of meanness! Pearly bystanders will perceive you as Pearl. Porky bystanders will check you out with piggy eyes: who cares? Let them wallow in corrupt glee! They suffer from SWINE FEVER! So BID-PET the cute pinky piggies GOODBYE and leave the scene like the princess or prince that you are because when you stumble upon a DOUCHEBAG, it's PEARLS before SWINE! OIIINK!!!

It's because we have an EXCESS of intent in mind that we mess up. We do not accept failure. We want this or that too much! We have to succeed no matter what! This excess in mind creates overstress, overtension and this overvoltage in our minds makes us trip and fail! Craving success TOO MUCH, we end up focusing on and fearing failure... and guess what? That's what we get! Failure? We just can't stand it! But we did stand it earlier in life when we learned to ride a bike successfully! We just rolled flexibly with the punches: almost piece of cake! The other side of the coin of success is failure. Just drop the coin in toto, dude! Hang loose, be free! TAKE IT EAAASY MAAAN!