serenity, now !

the most important virtues for the young woman are as follows: time theft, selfishness, orgasms, irreverence to authority, sacrilegious behavior, a questioning mind, and eating regular meals.

you can't come to my birthday party? aw dang, (remembers it's bad to guilt trip people) this doesn't matter to me at all (remembers to demonstrate that i am affected by you to affirm your positive presence in my life) but while you're away i will die (remembers not to guilt trip again) unpreventably. unrelated to you. don't worry about it. (remembers to express care through actions and not just words) you're in the will.

"I'm still kicking" is such a funny way to say "I'm still alive". Like lol. I'm still thrashing. Flailing. Writhing even. The violence remains.

the feng shui of the hospital room in which i was c-sectioned out of my mother was quite poor so im sure you can understand why my hair looks wack every day of my life forever

i’m burning the candle at ends you’ve never heard of

my role in the italian mafia is i giv’a da blowjobsa !

"on god's green earth" is way too fun to say even when you don't believe in god and know most of it is blue, actually