Halley Marsh

It’s easy to forget

when you wrap yourself up in something better

have a goal to work towards

he will be nothing more than an irritating thought

a thought that needs to be pushed aside

and forgotten,

for good

a thought to never be returned

a thought with no guilt

anger

or pain with it.

He will be nothing but a forgotten toy you had as a kid

he will not matter

as long as you do what you’re told

as long as you reach your goal;

and once you do;

he will be nothing more but a goodbye

the goodbye he said

you didn’t have to say a word

you didn’t have to fight for him

but you did,

and he forgot you babe

now it’s your turn to forget,

he won’t keep you forgotten once you reach your goal!

You don’t have to die for him to remember you

don’t fret,

you will be alive

and THRIVING

he will see you and think you’re the MOST beautiful girl he’s ever seen

and beg for you back

beg you to be his

beg for your attention.

He will be nothing but a lingering thought in your head

and he will be destroyed once he sees you happy

especially happy without him

you will be everything he’s ever wanted and out of his reach

all you’ve got to do

is reach all your goals

and he’ll be begging, grovelling at your feet.

What a man

he’ll think he is

once he realizes he destroyed you

and you built yourself into who you are meant to be

built yourself into beauty

built yourself into grace

made yourself irresistible

and you’re resisting him

in a way he never imagined possible!

He’ll want you

and you’ll be done with his antics,

games and lies

because you’re working toward your goals

you’ll be everything he always wanted

and not want him

you’ll be better than ever before

you’ll be enough

and he won’t.

Remember,

he never listened

he ruined all things good for you

he broke

he destroyed

and ruined everything you are!

he lied,

he deceived

and made you feel things you didn’t deserve to feel.

He made you feel worthless,

alone and broken

he destroyed your self confidence

he broke your smile

and he broke your heart

he made you feel so small!

Is it his games that made you want him

the hurt he gives you

or was it him?

was it his eyes

his smile?

is he WORTH the pain

no.

Nobody deserves to make you feel so small;

broken, alone, destroyed,

so work toward your goals

make yourself happy with YOU

be happy without him

you’re better without him;

once the tears stop falling

the hope fades into a shimmer

the laughter of the stupid memories you’ve kept close,

will come at the idiotic mess he made you,

you’ll come to see

he’s not all that

he’s just a mess of a boy

not a man

but a scared little boy,

who gets off on hurting you.

So aim for the stars

smile for the camera

pose the way you’re meant to

you’re the one that got away

NOT him,

reach for your goals

and make them happen,

he will be angry for you not needing him anymore

he’ll flip

he will see you thriving

and be angry at himself

for not being there

for letting go of the perfection that is YOU!

So thrive,

be you

smile like you’ve always dreamed of

let the tears stop

and start working

work for those goals

because nothing is impossible,

you’ll be all that

and he’ll be jealous

seeing you hang onto yourself

being everything he never dreamed you could be!

Make your dreams a reality

and be enough for YOU

because you don’t need him,

you never did.

I’d like to think that for just a speck of a moment

That maybe this overwhelmingly heavy burden

That I carry, sitting on my back,

Is starting to break my bones

Crack,

Crack,

Crack.

I want to reach my hand out

I want to scream

But instead I close my eyes

And pray for it to end

The memories to stop coming up

Pains where there shouldn’t be,

I need to do something

Anything,

Just to rid myself of your picture in my mind

Of how you took something that was beautiful, fresh and new

And crumpled it up with my dignity.

I was ashamed

For I didn’t fight

After I said no

I didn’t scream

I froze, in a panicked frenzy

And let you demolish what was left of a shell of a girl,

You took away my smile

My hope

My sanity.

Maybe I wasn’t perfect before

Maybe not even close

But I wasn’t this bad

Not even close

I wasn’t choosing not to sleep

I wasn’t panicking about leaving my house

I didn’t want to escape a country for one person destroyed me

Destroyed everything I was

And maybe ever will be

I close my eyes

And I want to scream

sexual assault

ᴀ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sᴇɴᴅ

Dear Boy,

You looked at me as if I were a jewel,

Caressed me like I were precious and to not be broken,

Yet,

When given the chance you shine,

You rusted.

You broke the rules

You broke my trust

You touched

You fucked

And you destroyed me

All at once

One simple word I said should’ve changed all actions

“No.”

I said no,

But you continued.

As the teardrop fell

I was facing the wall

Pretending to sleep

As that was the plan to stop you

As a sleeping person can’t consent, right?

I was wrong.

You thrusted and you rammed your fingers into me

Dipping into my sweet necture

To prepare it for something more

You completed your actions, used me,

And tried to erase the evidence.

You pulled and pushed my shorts and panties back into place

Yet, missing half an inch,

I never thought you would do this to me,

Of all people,

The boy who started bringing me back out of my shell

Made me feel heard and unsilienced

Someone who mad my heart flutter at the sight

Now it breaks and screams

For the pain you caused

Is unforeseen but there,

It’s fine though

You said sorry

Yet did nothing to fix it

Because there is nothing to fix it

No cure

No medication

Just coping

And crying

And memories

But I’m fine and dandy right?

I must be

Because I smiled

I laughed

Until I saw you

A few days after

And I panicked

Ran

And was triggered

All I could think is how you acted like nothing happened that morning before I left for work

How confused you acted when I left

How you blamed me for it.

You can “come to terms” with it

But I cannot

For the damage goods you had

Are more damaged and afraid now

The world

The people

Are all scarier now,

Thanks to you.

You took something that was healing

And took the ribbon and danced off with it

To leave a broken mess behind.

These words,

Must be left unsaid

For I’ll never send this to you

You’re just a boy from a letter on the internet

Nobody will know

For a secret identity you shall have

Until we meet again,