˚₊‧꒰ა ✦ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

something that struck me is that the question “who comes first” is never asked to women. a long time ago, it was expected that a woman’s “owner” (so to speak, the owner of her time) would be her father, then her husband, and finally her son, if she had one, and I feel that we still expect women to know how to divide their time perfectly.

she should still go to family gatherings and still have quality time with her partner, as long as she doesn’t neglect her children.

I’ve seen women who say they prioritize their partner get torn apart in the comments as “neglectful mothers,” and women who devote 100% of their attention to their children mention how their husbands felt sidelined because of this, or people in the comments telling them that this wasn’t healthy and that the relationship with their partner should always be prioritized.

with men, however, it’s completely different. there has to be a “winner", someone who gets 100% of his attention, and in some cases, the women mentioned are engaged in a silent (or not-so-silent) competition for that.

I've seen videos of fathers and sons competing for a woman's attention that are labeled as “cute”, ones that don't lead to bitter rivalry between them.

but I’ve also come across videos of mothers telling their daughters (especially young ones who don’t know the difference between romantic and parental love) that “daddy loves me more” or that she’ll always come first. I even saw a video of a jealous little girl pulling her mother’s hair while she was cuddling with her husband.

then, on the mother-in-law side, there’s the typical story of the “crazy and overprotective” mother-in-law (and the “boy moms” 🫩).

I’ve seen men in comments and videos say that their mothers come first, or that their wives come first, or that their daughters come first, as if they were all the same and offered the same things.

for me, a wife shouldn’t take on the role of a mother, nor should a mother take on the role of a wife, nor should a daughter take on any role other than… simply being a daughter.

once we understand that the women in a man’s life shouldn’t be fighting to be the “owners” of his time and love, all these stories of “crazy mothers-in-law” and mothers and daughters fighting over a man’s attention wouldn’t be so common.

when we understand that a person needs the love of a parent, a partner, a friend, and (if they have one) a child to lead a healthy life, we stop fighting, knowing that everyone has their own role and needs you for different things.

but I can’t blame women alone for this… since men constantly fuel it.

in videos of young daughters pushing, pulling, and even hitting their mothers to keep them from getting close to their fathers, many men just laugh, call it “cute,” or playfully hug their daughter or wife to fuel the other woman’s anger. many don’t set boundaries for their mothers when they start a new family or when another woman enters their lives… and many start these kinds of debates that create competition between roles that shouldn’t even overlap.

doing these kinds of things is totally immature.

we should treat men the way we’ve treated women for years: trust that they are responsible adults who have the time (and maturity) to give their love and care to everyone they have and have chosen to bring into their lives.

both parents should be mature enough to explain to their young child—who doesn’t yet understand the difference—that “Mom and Dad’s” love isn’t the same as the love they have for the child, and above all, that the child should respect their parents, whoever they may be, if violence is used for any reason.

and we should stop normalizing competition among women (especially over a man) from the time they are little girls.

dividers by @/cursed-carmine & @/justrainandcoffee

now we start talking about maturity and feeling protected and their experience… but… what is the reality about that?

because the side of girlhood, the side of the girls who (I hope) aren't experiencing really these predatory older men who'd like to be with them, is girly, romanticized and fetishized.

but the men's side, the side of these men whose ego was fed by these naive girls, is way much darker.

there is a stronger fetishization to younger women, and a strong hate to older women.

in social media, when a woman in— maybe —her late 50s commented on her taste on younger men, many of the 50-something guys in the comment started saying "she never experienced the older guy dating" and technically saying the younger guy "would lose" if he got into a relationship with her… but… why?

this woman had the same thing younger girls are "looking" (quote on quote on what society thinks) in older men; money, independence and experience. and also, while going through her page, she was an educated woman… so… what is the difference?

younger boys aren't struggling financially? younger boys don't want experience? younger boys don't want an educated woman? (maybe not)

the only thing i thought was about patriarchy… because really the roles were reversed… now was the woman in a position of "power" with a young and naive boy.

all I see is this fantasy of the old man going too far… and many girls feeding it. but this trend of romanticizing this, for me is the same as "i'm just a girl" trend or many other trends infantilizing women.

on a tik tok comment section i saw one comment saying:

"all of these trends are like being in a cell (patriarchy) happily and decorating it"

because, yes, we're feeding patriarchy, every day with these type of trends.

and i see all of these girls calling the older men at the "peak of masculinity" or being "the perfect type" is just like feeding the ego of a frat boy making edits of him and all of us starting swooning over him… so then, this frat boy starts treating girls poorly, treating girls who don't swoon over him— who really saw who he was —as if they were nothing.

because we're still seen as a product… as the old woman who "aged like milk" and the young "naive and cute" girl.

as "the one guys want" (guys of all ages) and "the one no one wants."

if you're in your late teens and twenties… you don't need to be "mature" in the eyes of an older guy. it is not the same thing being in your thirties or forties— knowing your limits, experienced and having financial independence —and being with an older guy than being still figuring yourself out while being with one of them.

that's called grooming. it is not cute, it is not sweet, he's not a protector and a provider… he's a predator…

and unfortunately, many of the things these men think aren't our problem, we can't control what they think, how they act and we can't take full responsibility in it.

but, before indulging in one of these type of trends which puts us as "petite-small-naive," we need to think what monster are we feeding and who's going to affect.

this is just my opinion, do whatever you want, i'm not judging, take care

english is not my first language

boy bands like One Direction, the Jonas Brothers and BTS; romcoms, making people tell us to appreciate "true cinema"; otome games (dating games like my candy love); fanfiction, and many other things.

i've seen a person saying they hated when the main characters in fanfiction (a girl, usually) had such non-demanding jobs, like teaching, nursing, popstar, and mostly jobs that are female-dominated. and they mentioned some of the jobs they wanted them to have, for them to be in sergeants, surgeons, rockstars, and technically, mentioning jobs that are male-dominated.

disparage female-dominated jobs, and saying they're easy, isn't just mysogynistic, it is also being very uneducated.

then, I see men saying sports and exercises mostly done by women are called "easy," and not even considering them a sport. in that list enters pilates, gymnastics, ice skating and ballet.

i've seen the comments of "running like a girl,""talking like a girl," and "being a pussy" being used everyday by little boys and teenagers, and even by their own parents.

it does not just affect the boy, raising him to think: feminine = bad.

it affects little girls too.

many of us had the "i hate pink" phase… and i think it is very related to these comments.

I remember myself as a little girl associating feminine with bad… I never heard "running like a boy" or being a boy in general was bad… so i wanted to act like them.

i wanted to do tennis just like them (girls only did ballet on my school), i wanted to play football like them, i wanted to pick bugs off the grass with them (ew), not because i enjoyed any of these things, but because hearing the phrase "us girls aren't like that" that my friend said… wasn't something good for me, it wasn't something that made me feel superior of those boys because i don't pick worms off the wet grass… it made me feel bad, because I'd never be a boy in the eyes of society nor be treated like one.

I was on tiktok and saw a housewife complaining because she had to make her husband lunch for work very early in the morning (it was 3 am, mind you), and a man commented that it was "the only job she had."

then i saw a tiktok of a househusband taking care of his daughters, and even women in the comments said that wasn't "masculine energy" and said his mom must not like his wife because moms don't like seeing their son doing house chores.

when a woman does it it's easy and "her only job," but when a man does it it's "too hard," "unnatural," and "under him."

the only thing I can think about is: is it really easy, is it really embarrassing or is it just women doing it the most?

dividers by @/cursed-carmine & @/justrainandcoffee

pro-lifers say that you can put a child up for adoption if you don’t want it, because there are women who can’t conceive and would love to have a child. But do we really take a close look at our countries’ social services? Are we truly concerned about the safety and education these children receive there?

in my country, Mexico, a video surfaced of a girl who was in the care of social services. In the video, she showed how they mistreated her, they yelled at her, shoved her around, and then took her phone away (and if I'm not wrong, they also insulted her mother).

let’s not think about the girl right now, let’s not think about the babies on social services right now… let’s think about their future, their mental health, their outlook… since, in recent years, for example, international adoptions have dropped by 95%, and in the United States and the UK, only 750 families have been able to adopt; in Spain, adoptions have fallen by 90%, and in Mexico by 80%.

so, if your argument is “well, put the child up for adoption,” there’s a high chance the child will remain in the social services system for most of his or her life… in a system where there isn’t good care. There have been cases of rape and torture of children and teenagers in these institutions. In New Zealand, between 1950 and 2019, the government admitted that 1 in 3 children suffered some form of violence in its institutions.

then there’s pregnancy: assuming that some women who have abortions are in precarious situations, pregnancy is a major strain on the body, which requires care, checkups, and medical attention that many cannot access.

and even if they aren’t in precarious situations, forcing someone to endure physical and emotional strain for nine months is inhumane.

and assuming they don’t have the support of the baby daddy, that adds even more complexity to the problem.

there are so many situations that could be happening to a person—emotional, physical, and financial—that we can’t just say, “well, put the baby up for adoption.”

then there’s the question, “So… when are you going to have kids?” and even asking if one partner is infertile.

children aren’t “accessories” to complete your family.

then, I’ve seen couples who think for a long time about having children, considering the best financial and emotional timing for both of them. And I’ve seen their relatives say, “well, you can’t wait until everything is perfect to have kids, just have them,” which I find ridiculous.

people celebrate “accidents,” a lack of planning, or having children quickly and impulsively, but they don’t celebrate someone who tries to give their future children the best—or who chooses not to have them if they can’t provide for them.

single mothers are insulted, so are parents who don’t have the time or financial means to provide for their children, yet people still pressure them without having any idea of a couple’s circumstances.

in my opinion, it’s a greater sign of love for your children to consider whether you can give them the best, rather than “just having them and seeing how it goes.”

then there are men who treat having children like wanting a dog—they saw a cute video of a father playing soccer with his kids or played a video game where the main character is a loving father to a child… and suddenly they want a child.

in society, it’s usually women who bear the brunt of the physical and social changes that come with expanding the family. Currently, 40% of mothers have left their jobs to take care of their children full time. Globally, 84% of women feel that society places a greater burden on them when it comes to raising children and maintaining a successful home life (keeping the house in order and the children cared for and clean).

even if they continue to work, 90% of working women still have to return home after a full workday and take full care of their households. Women spend 3.2 times more time on housework than men.

women experience a permanent 15% drop in their wages, whereas men typically see a 20% increase after having a child.

also, these days, the likelihood that a woman will leave her job to care for her children is very low, forcing mothers to go back to work and leave their children in daycare when they are only a few months old.

governments themselves treat babies as an accessory.

in France, letters were sent to both 29 year old men and women, explaining the “biological clock,” egg freezing, and how smoking and drinking affect fertility.

they’re offering bonuses to families for every baby they have… as if it were a prize.

now, if you want more money… well, have a child. If you want residency in a country… well, have a child.

a child who needs care and financial stability, but whom everyone treats as a “crisis,” an “accessory,” or material for their political propaganda.

we need to think about why we’re no longer having as many children as before, or also consider when to keep quiet about a situation that’s none of our business.

dividers by @/cursed-carmine & @/justrainandcoffee