🙄

We had empires run by emperors and kingdoms run by kings. Now we have countries.

[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.

you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok

i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”

i’ve got like 2 friends maybe 2.5

looking for an expert on babys out there

im a baby myself… what do u need

hey

what are your weaknesses

talents: feeling like shit

They look so proud of themselves. I’m actually embarrassed for them. These are adults in charge of children, and they’ve lowered themselves to taking selfies with property they’ve stolen from the young and defenseless.

Such bravery these cops display. Literally stealing candy from children, and then hiding when an armed shooter comes to murder children. Thin blue line who?

nostalgia is a liar. nothing was ever as good as you remember it to be. there’s a reason you don’t talk to that person anymore, there’s a reason you’re not part of each other’s lives. don’t trust nostalgia. grieve. reflect. move on.