Bitches ain't shit... They're female dogs

I HAD 3 PIECES OF CHEESECAKE AND ICE CREAM OH MY GOD

What a champ

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IM LACTOSE INTOLERANT

what do you want on your gravestone

Being 18-25 is like playing a video game where you’ve skipped the tutorial and you’re just sort of running about with no idea how anything works

Omg that bacon look so good

Nothing like the smell of bacon to get you out of bed in the morning!

No one is going to talk about the tiny dancing man?

Officialunitedstates makes me want to love again

dudes in their 20s who try to talk to high school girls are losers

girls please think about why these guys cant get girls their own age please. its not because they’re sweet or misunderstood, its because they’re damn loser scumbag babies who cant attract anyone who knows better.

Say it again for the people in the back

I should have realized this.

most private thing im willing to admit: im not good at estimating how much pasta is enough for one person 

I’m sorry, does that scale progress from a child to a HORSE?

For if you are ever so hungry you could eat a horse

Today, I am only hungry enough to eat a child.

every animal is in its most powerful state when its tongue is unintentionally sticking out a little bit

they say theres no use crying over spilt milk but you dont understand i cried a bit when i woke up this morning now i have to get more milk that involves walking to the store ive cried over far less than that