that's the fucking way she goes

dang I forgot having a bf is annoying bc they possess the ability to piss me off like nobody else

shitty life update: still out here cryin over boys in 2020. but now it is bc my Issues prevent me from being able to express/formally acknowledge my love and devotion and said boy is clearly stressed about that. and idk how to be like hey ily but I am crazy and will always be scared that this is some sort of sick joke that culminates in me wanting to end my shit over your cute ass.

my poor mother must just have no idea how to help me anymore bc she has recently resorted to offering me vicodin as a form of support

so this dingus never told his family that we aren't together even tho it's been a while (after a long time coming.) They're always calling to check on me and texting me how much they miss me and shit. Like on a daily basis and it's stressful. Sometimes I give a generic response like "I'm good hope you're good!" because I dont want to look like an asshole for ignoring them. But I'm not trying to feel like I'm lying to them either like I really actually care about them. The thing is 100% do not believe I should have to tell them and then subsequently explain myself. I don't think that responsibility should fall on me, when it's not my family and also lowkey not my fault...

Ps I am also legit very sad bc now I dont get to go to that fucking concert I was looking forward to it for months and really really wanted to fucking go and now I cant bc everything sucks

man I thought my last breakup hit me hard but this is something else. I'm okay with being made out to be the fool but goddamn. Realizing that someone never loved you in the first place hits different

I'm mostly mad bc I got dumped via text when watching goodfellas which is fucked bc I like watching goodfellas and now thats an experience that will be tainted for the rest of my life so ya I'm feeling a tad resentful rn

I really wanna quit my job but I'm super scared to because if I cant guarantee that my life will be significantly better (which is pretty much impossible), I dont want to leave my comfort zone.

life update: I am drunk alone on a Thursday crying to the jonas brothers documentary before I say goodnight to nobody and get a full nights sleep for my 4:30 am shift at my job that I hate tomorrow

I had a pretty awful riding accident 4 months ago and instead of properly attending to the physical and mental trauma (which are still plaguing my life and largely unaddressed) I just posted a video of it online and made a still from the end of it of me on the ground my profile picture with the caption "it be like that sometimes"

I've been doing pretty good with my drinking lately but I took it too far last night again and I really fucking hate myself for that. I have these bullshit rules for myself that I made (no getting drunk during the week, either a bottle of wine or a pint of something on Saturday, and only three drinks at the bar on Sunday) and following them has kept me out of trouble and is having a positive effect on my health. But last night I got shit wasted for no reason and blacked out at home by myself and now I feel like shit and am so ashamed

I got hurt 10 days ago and the pain has not improved at all. When I use words like constant and excruciating I'm not being dramatic. Like I was only ever in more pain than this once. My mom likes to tell the story of when I was 7 and busted ass on the playground and very calmly told her I wanted to go home and then later that my arm was still hurting, they took me to the doctor and I had two fractures. Like I broke two bones at age 7 and didnt cry. But here I am at age 26 crying in the bathroom at my job because I can barely stand/walk (at my job that is all standing/walking, a few days before vacation that I'm horrendously unprepared for) and I cant stop panicking

so I fell off my horse yesterday and I've mostly played it off as a hilarious mishap bc I'm like ashamed I guess. In reality I got pretty hurt and had to get a bunch of xrays and scans today (nothing broke and none of my organs are bleeding but I have another concussion, some bone bruising, and various muscle tears) and despite the fucking percocets (yeah the doctor was concerned enough to voluntarily give me something more than motrin) am in so much pain right now and it really sucks. Like I'm a tough gal and am used to falling/getting hurt bc I've been riding for 17 years but I fell so damn hard in the worst way and my body is getting a little too old for this nonsense. But yeah I want my friends and associates to think I'm a badass so I'm just gonna whine about it to the tumblr void