“art is anything you can get away with”

   It had been an off-chance really. He had no certainty that you’d come but even the faint chance that he might run into you was enough for him. 

   He should’ve asked you. No one could say he never tried. On a few occasions, he’d walk up to you with this entire speech planned and then you’d turn to look at him and he’d go completely blank. He’d stutter out some awkward small talk before excusing himself and then he’d keep himself awake that nighthaunted by how absolutely stupid he had been.

   He’d at least managed to ask you if you were coming and, of course, you just shrugged. He didn’t want to push the matter so he just took that as your answer. 

   He’d thought about it a thousand times, if he was being honest. Whenever he got the dorm alone, which was rare, he’d stand in front of the mirror practicing how he’d “accidentally” bump into you and would ask you for a dance. But, granted, he’d also practiced asking you to the Yule Ball so chances were asking you to dance would go just about the same. 

   If you’d even show up. He’d spent hours pondering what exactly your shrug meant and concluded, mostly in an attempt to be optimistic, that it meant you would probably be coming. Despite the fact that it was just as likely that it meant you weren’t coming. And as it seems the latter happened to hold true. 

   He was about ready to leave, hoping that Sirius had not brought the Ravenclaw back to their dorm so that he could just get some sleep. That’s when you joined him on the wall. 

   He didn’t even notice you inching closer to him, too wrapped up in his endless spiral of overthinking. “Where are your buddies,” you asked him. 

   He turned to you so quickly you were surprised he didn’t have whiplash. You gave him a smile as he stood there trying to maintain his appearance of calm apathy. “They um...well, I’ve no idea where Sirius and Peter are but James is right over there with Lily.” 

   Your gaze followed the trail of his pointed finger, leaning into him for a better view of the dancing pair. “They’re a sweet couple, huh?”

   Remus nodded, taking a sip of his drink so he wouldn’t have to speak. He was afraid he’d say something absolutely stupid and would ruin what was beginning to be a good conversation. 

   You turned back to him, nudging him in the side gently. “So you decided to go stag?” 

   “Yeah, I...um, I guess you could say that. Are you,” he paused, trying to find the words, “here with anyone?” 

   “Well, wouldn’t you like to know.” You smirked, leaning in to him just slightly. “I’m not for the record.” 

   “Oh, okay. That’s good—no! I don’t mean that it’s good, I just mean...” You raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to finish his thought. He never did, instead he took another swig of his drink. 

   You both stood there, staring out into the crowd and not quite saying anything. It wasn’t exactly awkward, thankfully. Remus was just glad to have someone to stand there with him, it felt like company even if you weren’t talking. 

   But Remus knew just standing there wouldn’t be enough for the entire night. You’d get bored and wander off and he’d be alone again. He had to do something quick. Make his move, as Sirius had continually urged him to do. 

   It was nothing like he’d practiced. When you were actually in front of him, it was as if he couldn’t think and his tongue felt heavy so he couldn’t speak. But if he was going to ask you to dance, it was now or never. 

   He turned to you and at the exact same time you were doing the same. You locked eyes and shit. 

   Remus hadn’t even had time to notice the black dress you were wearing. It was strappy and simple and so very you, which is what made it beautiful, and he didn’t want to stare like a creep but it really did suit you. And that was it. Remus’ brain shortcircuited and he was left there staring at you with his mouth hung open like a drooling idiot. 

   You spoke for him. “Hey, do you maybe wanna get out of here?” 

   Remus smiled. It wasn’t exactly what he’d expected but leaving this ridiculous dance and with you was so much better than anything he could’ve imagined. 

   “Merlin, yes.” 

-

   Again, Remus wasn’t a creep. It was something he prided himself on but also something he had to keep reminding himself whenever he was with you. He stared an unreasonable amount but who could blame him. 

   You’d snuck him up to the very top of the Astronomy tower where you could be alone. You sat down on the wall looking out at the grounds and smoking a cigarette which Remus had lit. You blew smoke into the night sky and Remus was captivated by the way the moon bounced off your skin. There was something to be said about the moon illuminating a beautiful face and making it all the more beautiful. 

   You turned to Remus and he tried to look away quickly as if he hadn’t been looking in the first place. As if you couldn’t feel him looking that entire time. You smiled at him and decided not to embarrass him by pointing it out, no matter how much you liked it when he squirmed. It was adorable but you didn’t feel like messing with him tonight. 

   “You smoke,” you asked him. He looked back up at you. 

   “From time to time, yes.” You held out your cigarette to him and he took it between his fingers savoring the moment your fingers brushed his momentarily. There was a stain from your lipstick on the edge of the cigarette. 

   He took a hit, blowing the smoke out of the side of his mouth and coughing a bit. You slid down the wall you were sitting on to join him on the floor. 

   He passed the cigarette back to you. “You’ll get your dress dirty.” You shrugged, placing the cigarette neatly between your lips.  

   “I hate school dances, you know?” 

   “Me too. They’re just so awkward, there should be a permanent ban on them.” You laughed and Remus was glad to have made you do so. You had a pretty smile and an even prettier laugh. 

   “Yeah, school dances suck.” Silence settled between you once again and Remus watched the way you played with the hem of your dress. He wanted to do something, to reach out and touch you maybe or say something funny and make you laugh again but none of that seemed right. 

   Instead, he folded his hands in his laps and stared at them. 

   “I came hoping I’d see you, Remus.” Remus lifted his head up, looking at you. He was almost certain he hadn’t heard you properly. 

   “Me?” His eyebrows furrowed because no, that couldn’t be right. You were staring out at the moon, not wanting to meet his eye but you nodded.

   “Yeah, I was hoping I’d see you there. I wouldn’t have come otherwise.” Remus couldn’t believe the words you were saying, he felt like he was dreaming. 

   “I...um,” you continued. You looked at him. “I got a few offers from some other people in our class but I was hoping you’d ask me so I turned them down.” Remus had never heard you speak so softly before. You always spoke with a certain level of confidence that he’d always admired but now you seemed so small. 

   “I should’ve asked you. I wanted to, I swear.” You got to your feet, leaning against the wall propped up on your forearms so you wouldn’t have to look at him. 

   “Then why didn’t you?” You blew out a plume of smoke, shaking the ash from the edge of the cigarette. 

   Remus stood and practically ran to your side. “I-I don’t know. I guess I just psyched myself out every time I tried and I was nervous you might say no.” 

   You smiled because there was absolutely no way you would’ve said no. “How do you know unless you try?” You snubbed out what remained of your cigarette before throwing it over the edge of the tower. You looked at him and it took everything in him not to go red from the intensity of the look you gave him. 

   “I don’t know. I just thought...you’re totally out of my league, so I figured...” He ended his sentence with a shrug. You scoffed at him. 

   “If you think I give a shit about ‘leagues’ then you must not know me very well. I like you, Remus Lupin.” Remus once again found himself at a loss for words because wow is that not how he expected this night to go. 

   “I...I like you too. I’ve liked you for the longest times.” You gave him a disbelieving look and he continued. “No, seriously, I-I’ve just never known how to tell you because whenever I’m around you it’s just hard to think or speak or do anything besides look at you.” 

   You laughed. “So you were just going to keep thinking about it but never do anything?” 

   He stuffed his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do with them. “Yeah, sorta.” 

   You shook your head. “Remus, you can’t live like that. If you wait your entire life for the right moment or for what you want to just miraculously land in your lap then you’ll miss every good thing you could’ve had. And then you’re just left with regrets?” 

   You were right. He didn’t want to get old and have only what-ifs and what-could’ve-beens. He wanted memories and moments he couldn’t forget. And right now, at that very moment, he wanted you. He wanted to kiss you very badly. He didn’t want to think about kissing you or practice kissing you in the mirror, he just wanted to do it. 

   So he did.

   His hands came up to either side of your face and as if you were anticipating it, your hands rose to meet his. His mouth was on yours as he pushed you back against the wall that surrounded the top of the tower. And if he got flustered talking to you, it was nothing compared to kissing you. He felt dizzy and hot all over but he didn’t want to stop. 

   He pulled away, trying to catch his breath. “How’s that for impulsive,” he said breathlessly.