too much

I JUST WANNA CALL MY MUM AND EAT SOME ALMONDS

i’m never drinking again. the flashbacks of vodka make me shudder.

i can so easily make myself hate myself (that phrase sounded kind of weird), but coaxing myself to love myself is so hard? why does that happen?? self loathing is too damn inefficient and unproductive 

have you ever had to stop seeing someone because they were just too attractive? i’m amazed every time i think about it; like, in awe that someone who exists in that kind of world has mingled with me in my kind of weird space. what the fuck. anyway, i’m like 10% relieved that i never have to think about that again (it’s very overwhelming; i have a lot of feelings) but 90% like ‘damn it’. in a month i’ll be apathetic about it, especially since i know it’s good to distance myself from someone i seem to be so fixated on who doesn’t reciprocate that feeling; but rn i keep day-dreaming and having flashbacks about moments that are not monumental in the slightest but are nonetheless nostalgic. kind of like hearing an old song that you used to like - they’ll make newer, better songs, but that shitty pop song from 2007 still holds that place in ya heart

also just realised i’m falling for a fuck boy, who i disregarded other boys for. this is annoying and a little depressing but that’s okay. i should probably stop seeing him though. if only he weren’t so damn beautiful.