UnEpic World

There’s special place in hell for this dude

Lesbian/ace girl solidarity is when somebody’s like “how do you know he’s good-looking if you aren’t attracted to men???” And you look into the non-existent camera like you’re on the office

Lesbian/ace girl solidarity is also when your straight friend shows you an ugly rude piece of cheese boy, tells you ‘isnt he so hot??’, and you have three seconds to make your choice

I have to be honest here…you are 100% right, sorry straight girls

This just in: Daniel Radcliffe is a genderfluid immortal

thinking about how the burning of the library of alexandria is remembered as the most prominent historical symbol of the destruction of knowledge…but that’s nothing compared to the thousands of entire languages killed in America and Australia by the colonialists…

To put an extremely fine point on this excellent paragraph: language is knowledge in non-literate cultures. This is why language reclamation is always at the top of the list for where to spend our limited resources in Native America.

RUTABAGA. THE POLL ONE IS RUTABAGA NOT KEVIN.

Why can’t American shows be this great

Girl with the glasses is a real one

listen I can respect that Marina ‘and the Diamonds’ Lambrini Diamandis wrote a song about how bad she wants to fuck and made all the lyrics about fruit and eating and stuff, but I cannot condone her using the lyric ‘I’m your cauliflower’ and expecting it to be considered sexy

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

This is funny but also true, and a huge tip when traveling. Act like you belong, and you won’t be bothered like other tourists might. Especially on public transportation… do your research ahead of time and look like a disinterested commuter and you’ll blend right in.

Fun Fact about Bees: they use pheromones to communicate and the pheromone to signal ALARM is the same chemical that makes bananas smell like bananas so if you eat a banana and then breathe on a beehive you will regret it and this seemed relevant when i started writing it

put it back and lets pretend this never existed

Don’t put it back, its an aggressive invasive species 

Christ

That’s a lot of nuggets right there

can u imagine going noodlin and this chomps down on you oh my god

healthy