Im Not Rapping If You Don't Baaa

“What’s all this?” He laughed as he pushed a balloon out of his face.

”This” was the balloons taped to the ceiling at his head height, right in the entry way.

”This” was a banner on the floor that read “WELComE H0mE”.

”This” was a single store-bought sugar cookie on a plate that she was holding up for him.

She didn’t want to tell him.

”I wanted you to feel loved,” she said, which was, well, the goal. But less so the motivation.

”Well, thank you,” he was all smiles as he took the plate, and then picked her up in his other arm. “Did you do this all by yourself?”

“Gretel helped me,” she said.

“Ahh, like with the balloons?"

“Yeah.”

”Good. I wouldn’t want you putting something up that high all by yourself.”

”Yeah. Eat your cookie!”

”Okay, okay,” he had walked them over to the table and he now set her down, and put his plate on the table. “Let me wash my hands first,” he held up gloved hands.

She followed him, of course. She followed him all night long. And her guilt followed her.

“Dadda,” she said as he handed a plush lion to her.

”Yeah?” He asked.

She hesitated.

”Remember you asked me why I made the celebration for you?” She asked.

”Of course.” He looked so happy, so innocent. She didn’t want to tell him his daughter was a liar.

”I lied.” She said.

“About what?”

”I didn’t make it so you would feel loved.”

He put a hand over his mouth and looked away quickly.

She had hurt him.

”I’m sorry,” her eyes stung.

He looked back at her, seeming calm. “Why did you make it, then?”

”Well, I wanted you to feel loved, but not because I love you.”

He looked away again.

“Oh?” He asked when he looked back.

”It was so that you would keep coming back.”

”What?” She had surprised him again.

”Sometimes you go away for a really long time. And, you don’t like it here very much. So I thought you would want to stay where you are and not come back. I hoped if I worked extra hard to make you feel extra loved, you would want to keep coming back.”

“Oh, kid,” he hugged her. “I will always come back.”

He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “When I’m gone on trips, I want to be here the whole entire time. I love being here with you, okay? You don’t have to make me feel extra loved, because it’s not about how much you love me.” He put a hand on her head. “It’s about how much I love you. And I love you a LOT.” He hugged her again. They sat there for a moment. “Kid,” he said more softly, “you’re my whole world.”

“Can you promise you’ll always come back?” She asked.

He didn’t answer.

A couple seconds later, he let her go, and put out his pinky finger.

“I promise that no matter where I go, I will always come back to you, because I love you so, so much, that I could never stay away.”

They pinky promised.

“Dadda,” she said, stopping him from closing the door. “I love you. Not just so you’ll come back.”

She waited.