would you like to hear a story? let me tell you about the Big Bang about how she stepped into my life and all my atoms sprang from nothing and somehow learned to form stars how everything is absolutely nothing until someone makes that not so but what happens when she leaves? do the lights of the stars go out? do galaxies crumble to dust like the ruins of civilizations? will there be a second Big Bang? what happens when the clock strikes 12 and everything turns back into nothing

wrath boils inside me, in my blood it tears at my skin from inside I look at you and shake with rage I could kill with a single fucking glance I am a basilisk waiting in the shadows a creature hiding in your cellar I creep up the stairs while you sleep and rattle the shelves of your spine settle in the seconds between your breaths I will infect each of your dreams I will haunt you like a proper ghost

she was the seconds before a car crash the moment you look into raging headlights when you pray for stillness when you pray to Chronos to halt time like the calm before the storm like the eye of a hurricane you want to breathe her in but your lungs are already beginning to collapse inside themselves she leaves and the cars collide she leaves and you feel the world begin to end you want to breathe her in but instead there is only shrapnel lodged between your teeth lodged throughout your throat she leaves and your body breaks she leaves and you may never stand again

be careful, your new skin is cracking run quickly -  people will soon come after you they will plant themselves between the earthquakes of your skin they will tear apart your tectonic plates with nothing but their bare hands with nothing but their splintered teeth they will slash until each of the Great Lakes flood brace yourself -  they are almost on your heels don’t even turn your neck horrible creatures will make their homes in you skin be careful, there are flowers that grow underground they will use your blood as water they will devour each of your resources they will swallow your entire planet until you are left with nothing but yourself

I want to become the type of person who people name hurricanes after but here I am being blown over by even the smallest gust of wind what is my structure built from? hay? the Big Bad Wolf could tear me down in seconds why was I not made of concrete? of stone? why does my structure always shake? do you tremble like I tremble? I shake like Electric Shock Therapy I am a city with collapsing buildings who or what will be left of me when all this dust clears?

I float on the surface of the waves and let raindrops lick my skin I keep my eyes open and let them -  Is this cold sting soothing? I close my eyes and try not to think of her Try not to wonder if she is thinking of me I try and I fail I try and I fail I try and I -  I think of her lips crashing against mine we were thunder and lightning and no less I miss those sweet collisions of skin and I hope this rain never ends

your heart beats and you hear it in your ears it claps like the Thunderbird’s wings it collapses buildings like broken teeth your heart beats so loudly it echoes throughout the caverns of your body your heart beats and the world trembles the whole damn thing starts to shake your heart beats and the world knows you’re alive

have you felt a love like this? do you know a love that burns like this? love that boils like lave and spills over a volcano’s ledges love that burns anything in its path like a scorched-earth policy love that shakes you like an earthquake love that shakes you like a fucking bomb like Little Boy and Fat Man combined love that destroys and creates do you know of love like this?

I still have skin cells lodged beneath my nails I can't seem to rid myself of you most days my heart does't beat properly my brittle body should not be standing I should collapse into the ground but for some reason I am on two feet now all I have to do is move forward

winter is still lodged between my teeth I grow weary from this cold, the way it sits on my jaw and freezes my words before they even leave my mouth I know that spring is nearing but this ice is not melting

I have heard too many people say that they are broken so this is your reminder, even when everything hurts and your skin is burning when the world seems so empty that you are not sure it still turns there will always be something do not think that you are broken just because you have fallen over

I know how often you have days when every breath is a struggle as if you have journeyed far away, across the borders of our planet, and you are beginning to realize that this air is not compatible  with the fibers of your pink lungs but still you breathe in and out and I am so proud of you for that

I used to save my tears for three in the morning I would whisper my sorrow to the moon and to the stars and to absolutely no one else but now I have breakdowns  in public restroom stalls and I sit sobbing on the floor and I cannot stop myself from feeling so strongly that I am no longer myself