scarred and healing

.it is inevitable as the steady breath of our lungs and the waves of the force that one day we will collide with an insurmountable defeat that leaves us doubting, scarred, and stuck inside a whirlwind of emotions.

 this leaves us with Schisms and Channels within our existence.using our past analogies of the force, we remember that the light and dark exist as two separate oceans vast and infinitely expansive in all direction equally with you in the center.  because of the nature of water, we know that all channels will be exploited and used for the force to flow. a perfect person without these scars/channels will have the force embody and equally Swell or recede in them. 

perfection does not exist in truth. nor should it be striven for or hailed as a destination in your training. for the rest of us, our scars/channels and schisms have the force produce unwanted, or unexpected reactions. like electricity, it finds the path of least resistance to complete it's positive and negative channel. thus, when the force swells inside of us, it uses that path. the force is most easily manipulated by emotion, and our mental scars carry with them the events that caused them, thus they produce their own expressions due to memory. things such as dreams, or even PTSD can cause us to explode with raw, and unwanted, Expressions of the force. dreams can be especially dangerous because our minds work without the control of Will while we sleep. while conscious, these channels work against our desired focus, leaking and attaching to whatever allows it to be released. these expressions of trauma can block us from experiencing balance in our meditations, block our ability to create a vector of progress, and sometimes even hurt those around us. this isn't to say we should hide or delude ourselves to their existence, quite the contrary. to seal these channels, and remove the undesired results, we must delve deeply into them and remove the infections.

to deal with this, means to reopen our wounds and allow the festering rot to spill from our minds. there is no cure in totality for trauma, other than becoming stronger than that which harmed you. you must move past your myriad of emotions that storm within to find balance and too become healthy  both in mind and action. As a follower of Revan, or a Grey Jedi, our goal is to introspectively heal and control that which is within, not without. you will never change the Dark side of the force, but you can accept it as an inevitability and use it as a tool to build better that which brings you solace and peace. this leads us to the truth of the matter: our trauma is not a hindrance, but a strength not yet utilized. much like a light saber or a blaster rifle, it can only act with the will of it's controller.

Trauma is also a great deceiver, letting us believe that It's control is truly the will of the force. we convince ourselves that these voices that speak from the past, or the voice that guides our path through the ebbs and flows of the waves within the oceans, when in reality it is a siren's song to drown us, keep us complacent and comfortable in our misery. walk within the light, and the shadow, never succumbing to one above the other. each step, a purpose, an action; just keep moving.

always be aware of what has happened, as well as what will come. The Force speaks to us both through our past and future, the light and the dark. all things around you are tools to further your understanding and knowledge if only you remember to utilize them. in the end, this reflection is to remind us that all knowledge, both painful and joyous, are to be held and used to find balance and truth in the pursuit of knowledge. a scholar who pursues all knowledge will never know completion, but it will not be a wasted life. akin to a warrior who strives for peace through defense of those around him. it is the journey, not the destination.

-----on a personal note, as someone who suffers from emotional Trauma, i struggle with this deeply. the Voices from my past are haunting, devious, and destructive. they make me doubt those close to me, and around me to the point that i become paranoid. i write this not only for those struggling, but for myself to remind me of the deceptions that come from echoes in my mind. you are who you create yourself to be, you are not your trauma, you are simply suffering from it.