I Don’t Think You Should Love Me

*pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce”*

ripley's believe it or else

I have gotten more pornbots following me since the “ban” started than I ever have. Way to go @staff

I hope everyone who works in retail has an easy day today, has to deal with minimal obnoxious customers, meets a nice old couple that says “oh thank you dear!!”, gets a lovely and refreshing break, gets along with their coworkers…… I just want y'all to have a good day you deserve it

the saddest sight in the world is a married couple at a musical and the wife is super excited and happy and the husband looks like he was dragged along and he’s making a big deal about how much he doesn’t want to be there and the wife gets embarrassed or ashamed. this isn’t a funny post, it’s actually heartbreaking and i see it happen at like every other musical i attend.

Yeah, as an usher what makes me sad is when I see wives clearly dressed in their Sunday best, beaming and buying merch and smiling at me as I hand them a program, toting some guy dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt who declines a program. And that’s at least a quarter of the couples who come in or more. Like come on man, she really loves this stuff, can’t you try to enjoy it for her at least?

About as bad as when you see a big-eyed kid who looks like this is the greatest day of their life, all excited to see this show, and their parent/grandparent/aunt/Cousin/Friend/whoever they convinced to take them keeps making fun of them and saying how dumb or ridiculous they’re being. For Gods sake, this is a person you care about and this is a thing that means a lot to them. Smile, get off your phone, and be happy for them.

oh my god i just killed it in the mcdonalds drive thru

she heard my order exactly, i didn’t stutter, no uhhhh from me. clean, normal human interaction, just a fluid conversation. so cool

can you believe people sit down and, they sit down and they turn on country music…..and they listen to it and they have a good time. 

can u believe that some people actually have different music tastes then you?

i know it’s you tim mcgraw

I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly

Demön

When an NPC warns chaotic-aligned players to not do something

I lose it at the cheerful “Fuck you, Goat-Man!” every damn time.