This we Believe - UMass Dartmouth

Personally, I never think twice before entering new places. People everywhere, every day, come and go as they please between different buildings.  It never occurred to me that something seemingly so simple could be such an obstacle for someone. I believe in invisible illness.

At first my sister would freeze up.  Concerned, my parents and I would ask what was wrong, and she would simply utter the words, “I feel weird”.  It became a running joke in our family whenever we were unable to express how we felt, we’d exclaim, “I feel weird”! Little did we know, our joke wasn’t a joke at all.  One day, after months of watching my sister struggle, my mother was venting to a friend about how it was impossible to bring Jenna into new spaces, as a change in temperature or lighting set her off.  She went on in frustration, explaining how difficult it was to watch my sister struggle and the only clue she could give us to shed light on her situation was that she “felt weird.” It was then that our family friend, who happens to be a nurse, asked if she could possibly be suffering from derealization. It was that day that “feeling weird” was given a name, and that day, my sister was finally given validation that she wasn’t crazy.

All I wanted was to take my baby sister back to school shopping, after all, she’s going to high school. My friend and I took Jenna and her friend, Ken, to get school supplies. As soon as the red doors automatically slid open, I knew it was going to be difficult. Fluorescent lighting. No windows. Crowded. Target had been a stumbling block before, but never being able to tell when the derealization would hit, we made the attempt. The back to school section was in the back corner of the store, so not only did we have to enter, but trek across the bright, busy, enclosed space. Jenna’s friend has spent enough time with her to know her struggles and grabbed a shopping cart; not for the school supplies, but to push my sister in because she knew when she felt like this it was difficult for her to walk. Not even past the shopping carts, I watched as it seemed like my sister lost control of her body.  Not yet in the cart, she crouched down a bit, clutching her head and stomach as if to make sure they were still there.  Pulling hard at my arm and saying things that didn’t make sense to me, I lost it. She had pinched me and grabbed on so forcefully that it actually hurt me.  It wasn’t until then that I could make sense of the fact that she claims she has no control over what she says or does in this state. As all sisters do, Jenna and I fight, but I know she would never create such a scene and hurt me, especially when I was doing something for her!

Derealization, also sometimes called depersonalization, is a unique anxiety disorder causing an “unreal” or out of body experience.  We took this newfound information and ran with it! Doing research, and talking with therapists and other medical professionals, we came to learn that my what my sister is struggling with is very real. Struggling myself with anxiety, I felt guilty that I had made a joke out of a symptom of her illness. I’ve learned so much from her and her diagnosis.  She has opened my eyes and inspired me to listen and learn about this disorder that there is very little research on. Already having a love of psychology, watching her struggle made my decision to major in psychology seemed like a no-brainer. Derealization, for my sister at least, has become debilitating. She tells me she “feels dead or feels like she’s dreaming”. Have you ever had one of those dreams where you’re both in it, and seeing it from a bird’s eye view? She describes it kind of like that, she says she feels like a ghost, like she’s not actually physically in her body.

My belief is no one can make you feel inferior unless you allow them to. This is what I believe because if one person belittles another it will cause the person who is being belittled to feel less about them self. This is important to me because the person who was belittled is usually the bigger of the two people and they have more courage than the latter. The belief no one can make you feel inferior unless you allow them to represents me. When I know my strengths and achievements than no one can steal them from me. This I belief.

Moreover, one has inner beauty and I believe if your inner beauty reflects outwardly than no one should be able to come in-between loving oneself and who they are. This I belief because if no matter what the circumstance you love yourself it can only make you stronger, smarter and better. When I was little I was sure that no one could bring me down no matter what I did or said.  It may sound cliche but my mother told this advice to me when I was younger and I still believe it to be the best advice she could have given her young daughter. She told me that no one can make you feel inferior to how you see yourself because if you believe yourself to be better than you just are. I’m not sure what I mean when I say “better than” but if your in the situation where your being made to look inferior I’m sure the true definition for the word  “better” is unimportant. 

                                             I Believe in Youth

        I believe in Youth. Growing up, I always thought every aspect of life can be changed. Then I realized two inevitable things that regardless of how much effort you put will be stopped. Those things are Death and Time. People may argue they can prolong life, but regardless you will die. Eventually, your time will run out. This is why I believe in Youth.  I am not talking about childhood, I’m talking about about high school through college. Those are times of youth 15-21 that’s all we get. In the end there are two type of people. Some who grow up resenting and regretting their youth and those who miss it. I believe in missing it. Youth is all about first times.

        Youth, where everything is new. Testing new things and all the many stories with it. Smoking weed for the first time. The first paranoid. The first “dream”. Trying to explain how it felt. The mellow vibe, the long conversations and the change in perspectives. I believe in underage drinking. Small get togetherness that felt like Project X parties. Getting drunk and remembering nothing but stories that friends tell you. First hang over and having the urge to die. The first waterfall throw up. The embarrassing actions and decisions. Hang out with girls. School dances. The first girl friend, the feeling of what we felt was love and would be forever. First dates, the movies. All night phone calls, or long conversations on AOL or Myspace. The first Heartbreak. The sleep overs, playing games all day. First car, completely changed everything. Driving past 12 on our JOL, having passengers, getting tickets. Freedom. More friends, The late night meet ups. The driving around for fun. Picking up people, blunt runs. Blasting music feeling like an adult. Late nights to the beach, skinny dipping. Heading to the mall, going out to eat. Traveling, road trips. meeting new people, new perspectives. Good vibes. The first job. Working part time, Minimum Wage. Shopping more. First time having sex, experimenting. I started wonder does anything gets better than this. How does anything beat young and free. No, worries because the thought of the future was a joke. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you’ll live forever”- Gandhi

I believe in the city.

Growing up in the city I was exposed to a lot of things at a young age. It wasn’t hard to get mixed up in a bad crowd and spend too much time in the streets. One day you wake up and the kid you used to play Pokémon with every day now only wants to smoke weed every day and is using other drugs as well.

Not one of my friends growing up lived with their father. I know seven kids from high school whose fathers have died within the last couple of years. I’ve lost many friends due to addiction and two days ago my friend died from drug abuse.

I still believe in the city.

The city showed me some dark parts of this world but has raised me right. Without the city I wouldn’t have become so independent. I didn’t have to rely on my parents to get places. If I wanted to get somewhere I could just ride my bike. If my bike was broken or I had a flat I could take public transportation.

On weekends and in the summer, my friends and I would take a train a couple stops and be in downtown Boston where we could explore. Sometimes we would get on our bikes and go down the bike path just to see where it would take us.

On any given night in the summer I could go to trum field without saying a word to anyone and hang out with friends because that was the place to be. We would play basketball, football, Frisbee, or just hang out and talk. We could also go to Kelly Park or the brown school and play stickball. Nothing was better than playing manhunt on my street, running through backyards hiding from my neighbors and my friends.

I experienced a cultural diversity that many kids will never understand. I wasn’t only friends with white kids, in fact white kids were the minority in my school. I was friends with people from all around the world, all with different cultures. I feel sorry for the kids that say their whole school was white kids because the various cultures I got to experience in the city will be with me always. I can even swear in 6 different languages. 

Nathan Da Silva

University of Massachusetts Dartmouth

“This We Believe” Summer Assignment

I Believe in Family

            The entire reason I am here right now writing this essay as my first ever assignment of my college career, is my family. I mean if I really think about it, where would I be at this point without my family? They have supported me when I was too young to support myself and they have paved the way for me to grow into the man I am here today. I believe in family because that is the one thing that will always be there with you throughout your entire life, no matter what. Family will be there through your brightest highs and your darkest lows. Family will be there to pick you right back up when you’re feeling down, or give you that extra nudge to be hungry for more even if it seems like you already have it all. Family is always there for you to try to lead you in the right direction and have some sort of positive impact on your life. The greatest thing about family is that your family can literally be any group of people or possibly even just one or two special people in your life. When I speak of family I don’t just mean your mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Your family could also be your best friends from elementary school, your teammates, your school faculty, whoever. Your family can be anyone you have a strong bond with in my personal opinion. You often hear people speak of the those they are closest to as family to them, even if they aren’t directly related in any way and I completely understand how this sometimes can be the case. I feel as if these are the greatest things about family because not everyone is fortunate enough to have their parents or maybe even siblings for that matter, but that reason does not mean you do not have your family. You can make your family anyone you want it to be.

I believe in the power of education. I grew up in a city called Lynn. There is a very famous saying that most people from around Lynn know. “Lynn Lynn the city of sin. You never go out the way you came in. The girls say no but always give in.” When people see Lynn they see a dirty city filled with kids “that don’t make it no where.” However, I see some of the hardest working people I’ve ever met. I, see a city filled with lessons to be learned. I see potential. This city is not the richest, nor the cleanest; it’s a work in progress.  But others still see schools filled with young adults that are just enforcing the stereotypes in society.

When I was younger I never knew what I wanted in life. In my mind, the way you acted once you hit middle school was the way you were going to act forever. For me that meant just another kid fitting the “norm” of this society. My Mom never liked that I had this mindset and she always told me “aprende de tus errores.” But I always thought “who is she to tell me that?” My family themselves were not immune to mistakes. I would sit in school in front of teachers who also didn’t care if you had a good future or not. They had the same mindset about us as people do about Lynn. I loved my city but I fed off the negativity. I believed I wasn’t going anywhere, I had no plans for my future, and could never see myself sitting in a college classroom. During the summer of 2011 my mom had enough and decided to send me to KIPP. I’d heard about the school and the students; I hated the idea of wearing a uniform and being in school until 5:00 pm.

   In retaliation, I tried to move into my Dad’s house so that I wouldn’t have to go to KIPP. But surprisingly, my dad sided with my mom, stating that KIPP would be the best thing for me. My Mom and Dad were divorced and he was never there for me. I didn’t think it was fair that he could make calls about my life when the only calls I ever got from him were on my birthday. I was always trying to get myself into some kind of trouble so that my parents would be forced to put their issues aside and focus on me. The choices that I made led to me digging myself into a pit of troubles, making it impossible to come back up.

Life Goes On

A lot has happened by the time you turn 18 and head off to college. Some have had to endure more events, good or bad, than others. But the thing is, if you’re about to start your first day as a corsier on September 2nd, that means you’ve gone through everything life has thrown at you so far.

I believe that no matter what, life goes on. When I am going through a tough time I think about my future. I remind myself that someday I will get out of this rut. It may be tomorrow or it may be three months from now but someday, as life goes on, I will be on top of a mountain rather than in a rut. It’s something that I think other people need to realize. Of course everyone has their way of dealing but I believe that if you know life will not always be this way, it will help overcome their problem.

Personally, I believe that God will not give you anything that you can not handle. I learned at a young age that no matter what happens in your life, it will go on and it will get better. From falling off my bike and scraping my knee to sitting in the waiting room until my father gets out of heart surgery, I have always known that eventually the scar will fade and life will go back to normal. Looking back at all the tears and heartache I have experienced, has made me appreciate all the amazing things life has given me. I can not sit here and lead everyone to believe that I have had a bad life because I have not. I have been fortunate enough to have two parents, a roof over my head, and food on the table every night. Though my family has gone through some rough times, I have always been thankful for those experiences because it leads me to believe that life does get better and it will not always be as hard as it is right now.

I believe in having a dream or goal. This may sound like a topic that’s easy but it’s a topic that everyone thinks about. Everyone has a dream that one day they will take the field as the QB of their favorite football team or be the CEO of a large company and make a lot of money and have expensive things (cars,house,boat,etc.). I think everyone has a dream that they set for themselves if you say you don’t you do you just don’t realize it. Even people who are athletes and celebrities have dreams to become better or break a record. No dream or a goal you have in your mind is out of reach as much as it may sound crazy if you put your mind to it anything is possible.

My dad always told me when i was young and loved soccer that  “you could be the next messi or ronaldo you just have to work for it” and that was my dream to become a professional soccer player. Obviously every kid that age wanted to be a professional sports athlete I was one of them. He always told me and it has stuck in my mind and will till I die is that a dream can be a reality you just need to have the drive and the will to do whatever it takes to complete that goal or dream you have. Even though I never stuck with my dream in being a professional soccer player I knew that it took a lot of time and I knew that maybe I should try something different.

I have always been into business since freshman year of high school my dad introduced me to the stock market and the finances of a business. Business came easy to me I understood how the market works what to do with money and when to do it, and soon discovered the “behind the scenes” part of a business (Accounting). I told my Guidance Counselor at my high School I wanted to be an accountant when i grew up, she said “wow, Aaron that’s good”. My junior year I took two business class and knew that i wanted to go into business and took accounting my senior year.

I believe in hope and faith. Hope is something that has gotten me to where I am now and faith is what has made me who I am. Throughout my life I have encountered obstacles that have brought me to an all time low, I have been given many reasons to give up and stop pushing, but I never did. I hoped and prayed for better days, knowing that one day they would come, no matter how long it took. Never once did I give up hope for what was in store for me or lose faith in myself or what I was working for. 

I believe in entrepreneurship. Have you ever had a great idea that you knew could be revolutionary or even life changing? If you have, take a second and think back on that idea; what did you do with it? Most would say I forgot about it or it has already been done before. For a large majority of us getting past the idea stage is the hardest part and the idea ends just as quickly as it was thought up. Our ideas build a platform for a potential business; if you can take the leap of faith to get that business off the ground you are now an entrepreneur.

Entrepreneurship is simply defined as an individual who owns his or her own business. Despite this being a simple definition the complexity and risk involved in starting your own business is high. Every entrepreneur has a fundamental understanding of risk. To invest your money in a crap shoot where studies show that you have an eighty percent chance of failure in the first eighteen months is scary. The first rule of being an entrepreneur is understanding risk, what do you have to lose, if you fail who will it affect, all these questions and more you have to ask yourself before you take the first step.

As an avid reader of business journals and articles I tend to stumble upon many useful quotes. In 2014 I was reading a Forbes article titled “The Top Ten Rules for Success in Business”. As I skimmed through the article a quote by US statesman Colin Powell took my attention. Mr. Powell believes “There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” A trait that shows up unanimously among entrepreneurs is the understanding and acknowledgment of failure. For me I have failed many times in my life, through sports, as an entrepreneur, even as a son to my own mother. Despite my failures I have always made an effort to search for the positives, learn from my mistakes and move forward. Though failure hurts, especially when you give it your all being able to learn from your mistakes is all the success you need.

As cliché and boring as the title may seem, it doesn’t make what I believe in any less valid. Work is something we designate as void of fun, an inevitable action that we’d all rather be without. Those points are indeed true, and at the same time, work is still essential to our lives.

In my sophomore and junior years of high school, I struggled with doing my homework. Not because it was too hard or taxing, but because it was work. The allure of the internet and distractions made me lazy, and I believed that it couldn’t hurt to skip a few assignments. However, my decreasing homework grades were not as harmful as the mindset I fell into; that work wasn’t necessary. This idea grew in my mind until it caught the attention of my parents, and the ensuing conversations made me realize that laziness can be just as addictive as caffeine or tobacco.

Now, I’m not trying to say that I’m 100% productive, ‘free from the poison of laziness’ or whatnot. I’d still rather not have to do work. But the solution some of my more efficient friends had already mastered was to think about the long term benefits of work, rather than get tangled up in the short term entertainment of the next YouTube video. The trick was to focus on how good I would feel after I finished the work, and to subdue the procrastination by starting the work without hesitation.

I’m still working on being more productive, and my own sister is in the same position I was in two or three years ago. But I’ve come to appreciate that the rest of the world isn’t lazy. Sure, humans are slow when it comes to preserving natural resources and being more eco-friendly in general (mostly because we’re thinking short term rather than long term), but it’s taken us this far. Our accomplishments as a species and a society stems from people working hard to achieve their goals. Any iconic historical figure, whether they were a rights activist, scientist, artist, philosopher, or innovator, worked day and night to close the gap between their dreams and their reality. Some of them succeeded, some of them did not; but we remember them for their work regardless.

I’ve had many opportunities in my life to excel, to better myself, or to become just a talented person. Piano, fencing, Mandarin Chinese. I started all of them and failed to excel in all of them. I’m not giving up, but I lacked passion and drive for them after a while. I wish more than anything I could be fluent in my mother’s native language, or that I could speak all three languages I’ve retained a beginner’s knowledge of, but those wishes mean nothing if work is not applied to them. It may be the thought that counts, but it’s the action that gives it meaning.

            I was simply excited to get an excellent grade and moved on to senior year. During my senior year I took an American Politics class. I became fascinated with the political structure as a whole and wanted to know more on how the government works and I wanted to find out why Barrack Obama was always calling America the greatest country on Earth. After all I watched the news and saw all of school shootings and I’ve heard testimony from people of the injustices that happen north of the Rio Grande. America is not the greatest country on Earth because of what she’s done or what she’s doing. America is great because of where she’s heading and how America seems to always be able to move forward in the right direction.

When we go back to the roots of this country and it’s beginnings we find ourselves in the middle of a revolution. The American Revolution to be precise. The British colonies of America have revolted and we have successfully established the United States of America. Then after the war of 1812 it is evident that we are here to stay. Before the American Revolution democracies were in no way as prevalent as they are today, and before the war of 1812 no one knew if this new state would last. Even though we were “free” there were fatal flaws in our country. For the most part in order to enjoy the freedoms that America had to offer you had to be a rich, white, landowning male. For a large portion of our history it was these men that ran the country. In the South, Americans had slaves and all across the country we had failed to recognize females and nonwhites as equals.