A’s Vision Board 🌄

To be fair, it did not take me 3 months to finish it, I was preoccupied with other things, as you guys know.

But still! draft one is finished and i'm so very proud of myself for taking the time to sit down and write again.

I'm so ready to be public enemy number one again when it comes to this fic. It brings me a weird amount of joy 😄🤷🏾‍♀️

He certainly means well, but what a meanie

Anyway, it seems like I have some writing to do.

Checking in with you guys. I have been doing and feeling a lot better and more like myself lately. So much so that I've begun reading books again and remembering what it feels like to be just a little ole excited reader. I almost forgot what that feeling was like, as previously I only had time for either writing or reading, not both, and I chose to write.

Now I do have time for both, and it feels strange. I am trying to figure out how to handle my new reality, in the way of learning how to properly handle all the extra time and not just sit and simmer in loneliness.

I am relearning how to just be by myself again and take control of my time and art, which is more difficult than one may expect. But slowly but surely, I am on my way, and have begun to slowly dip back into my creativity. I've been learning how to get it touch with it again, and I think reading something fresh was the thing I needed to do to get back into it all.

Planning to respond to all of you guys' messages and comments from when I was gone. It may take me a while, but it'll be good to remember what I have here with all of you, which I think will be another step toward me writing. It feels like I'm brand new to this again, and I have relearn what it feels like to be a writer, which I know sounds crazy, but its very true and scary.

Eventually, I will swing back to my normal account and send a message to everyone there, but right now this little account is my safe space, so I'm going to use this more.

I hope you guys are still doing well. Thank you for all the sweet and supportive messages you continue to send. Appreciate you still being here 🤍

For years, I believe I was manipulated to think I was not a good person. Whether it was on purpose or not, that what was happening and though I did not realize it fully, my subconscious was crying out and it led to the separation.

Its been a long, tough, still ongoing journey, but my family and friends have been provided so much of the support that I needed to get through this, which is why I feel as if I am finally okay now. Or at least at peace about it. I have moved to a new place of my own and I feel a lot safer now. Even after I moved, my husband was trying his best to antagonize me, and though it made things a lot more difficult for me, I have continued to move forward with this process.

This doesn't feel real. Me writing this, or the fact that I've experienced such pain in such a short amount of time, and sometimes it feels like my brain or my heart cannot comprehend what has happened or why I am where I am now. But it's real and I am here.

Even through this hell, I've been slowly trying to find my way back to myself, and after some time, I realized this was a blessing in disguise since I, now at 27 years old, have my time, money, and space all to myself after 7 years straight of having to share it all with someone who didn't fully appreciate me or see me see me. I'm able to learn who I truly am and grow into the person I was meant to be. I will no longer lower or lessen myself to make other people feel more comfortable. I will not be satisfied with less than I deserve. I know that, even through all the pain that is still sitting deep in my heart. But again, I am still here and breathing.

I've decided the rest of this decade will be spent on myself and learning to become the best version of me, because that's what I'm owed and now I don't have anything or anyone holding me back but myself. As painful and world ending as this feels, in the end, I now see this as a beautiful, powerful opportunity to reconnect with who I really am and who I was meant to be.

Thank you to all of you who have sent me supportive messages. They did not go unnoticed. I am still early in my recovery period, but writing does continue to call out to me. I think it will be a huge part of my healing journey, and I can't wait to see what happens once I begin again. I don't know if I'm ready yet, but I continue to think about it.

Love you all 🤍

My partner who've I've been with for 7 years and married to for 4 years has decided to leave me tonight for good.

Details being spared, I'm sure anyone who's see's this post can imagine how completely devastating this is. Or at least I hope you do.

I haven't been able to connect with my writing or any other creative activity for over a month and right now I don't know I can get back to that.

This isn't me giving up. I just need a break. A hiatus. Maybe it'll be shorter than expected. IDK.

I'm coward (and just very mentally unstable rn) and I can't possibly imagine posting this on my main blog, or even in the book club. If one of my many lovely readers see this, I am so sorry to give the bad news. I swear I won't give up on writing, I just need to get my life together which may take a while considering the circumstances.

It's just now Friday and I feel like I've gone through something new every single day since last Friday. Gonna be honest, I'm struggling with so many things at the moment. But the good thing is that I'm still here kicking just like everyone else.

I'm in therapy now (again), which helps a lot but it's not a quick fix at all. Being 27 is weird because it's literally 3 years from being 30 which freaks me tf out but also I'm ready to leave my 20s because this entire decade was just a rough one. Like let a girl catch a break for once in her life 😭

Anyway, I'm feeling the shift from 20s to 30s already happen. It's been happening for the past 4 years really, but now it's to the point where it's glaringly obvious.

I no longer have the same motivations and wants as I did in my early 20s, and thank god for that. I would be even more miserable than I am right now if I got everything I thought I wanted.

I know this is such a random sporadic post with little to no details of my stressors, but I feel like this just sums up my day to day.

I feel like we're always waiting for life to get better, when in reality we have what we have and we just have to find the best way to love and accept it.

That being said, as an obsessive creator and someone who loves to travel, there’s no way I’d ever live near them or even near my own family in my home state. I’ve realized I love living far away from people (family) so I have more time to focus on my creative endeavors with little to no distractions.

That may sound strange, but I don’t mind visiting family like once or twice a year (preferably once a year), just don’t want to live on the same side of country as them lol.

I enjoy my solitude so much that I honestly enjoy being alone most of the day, and I’ve accepted that. I feel more like myself when I’m allowed to just be and not worry about showing up to everyone and their grandmas house all the time to do god knows what.