#darkserenity24

“Just a touch of this will make it all better.” He grinned evilly.

You quickly smacked the paintbrush out of his hand and it flipped backward. Horror filled your body when a large bright pink splatter landed on his face. Loki sat there in shock as the paint dripped down Loki’s face in long streaks.

You opened your mouth to apologize, but all that came out was a high-pitched peal of amusement.

Your laughter started off slow but grew louder the longer he sat there with paint all over his face, blinking dumbly.

“Oh my god.” You wheezed, holding your stomach. “I totally did not mean for that to happen, but honestly you kind of deserved it for trying to mess with my painting.”

Released from his brief bout of shock, he slowly turned to you, a foreboding expression darkening his striking features.

You tried to slow down your laughter for the sake of his pride, hopping off your stool to provide some kind of assistance. “Here, let me help you. I’ll go get a cloth or someth-”

“Oh, no. Not so fast.” 

He picked up the paintbrush and in an instant, you felt the cold swatch of paint on your cheek.

“No!” you gasped, utterly dumbfounded, shooting Loki a look that was immensely more menacing than his. 

“Why would you do that?” you cried.

“Payback, darling.” 

You wanted to slap the smug grin off of his perfect face.

“Payback? What I did was an accident. That was on purpose!”

“Nevertheless, it was an attack. I do not respond to attacks on my person kindly.”

Your eyes narrowed, a devious expression growing on your face. “Let’s see how you respond to this.”

Reaching across the table, you scooped up a glob of dark blue before quickly smearing it over Loki’s dark hair. 

He tried to move out of your way, but it was too late. The damage was done and the war was won. Temporarily.

“You little demon!” was all you heard before a more pink liquid was thrown your way.

Before you knew it, you both were covered in paint and so was your apartment kitchen.

The fighting only stopped when you heard the gentle slam of the front door of your apartment.

You both turned to see Thor standing by the entrance with his arms crossed, giving you both an incredulous look.

“I only left for five minutes…” he trailed off, observing the chaos that quickly ensued in his absence. You could only imagine what you looked like from his point of view.

You were embarrassed to admit this wasn’t the first time that you and Loki went to war whenever Thor left the two of you alone. 

Three months had passed since the incident at Thor’s birthday party and both brothers had taken it upon themselves to grant you with their presence more often than not. You were not doing well after John’s attack. The drug that he slipped you really affected your memory of that night, and you only recall bits and pieces of what happened. But you still remembered enough. 

The drinks making you feel nauseous. John taking you to the bathroom. The struggle that ensued between you, then Loki bursting in and… well, basically almost killing the man. Even though your memory was hazy, you knew you never witnessed him be that angry before. You were also confused because you thought he hated you. Regardless of how he felt about you, he came to your rescue when you needed it and you’ll always remember that.

Thor and Loki both took it upon themselves to be your protectors. Your Asgardian guardian angels of sorts. 

At first, you didn’t know how to feel about it since you were used to being alone most of the time, but then it started to feel nice. They made you feel safe and knew you needed someone to be with you even if you didn’t realize it yourself. You never had to leave your home unless you wanted to, and when you did they both were right there alongside you. Together, they brought you groceries, brought in your mail for you, and even helped you ship some paintings to your customers. 

Somedays were a bit harder than others, and if you were overstimulated you would turn off your phone for a few hours and lay in your bed in the dark. This really worried them, and they basically bullied you into not ever doing that again. This made them show up unannounced just to check in on you, and when you got tired of buzzing them in you gave them a copy of your apartment keys. It was clear you couldn’t stop them from coming over, and if they truly cared about you this much you didn’t want to. 

With their constant presence in your life in your time of need, you began to feel safer. You began to feel normal again and wanted to let them know they didn’t need to be around all the time anymore. In your opinion, they certainly had more pressing matters to attend to.

It was obvious that Thor felt awful about what happened that night. He felt that it was his responsibility since John attacked you at his party after all, but you didn’t agree with him. John had crashed the party, and no one noticed because they were all busy having fun. That’s what people do at birthday parties. How was Thor, you, or anyone else for that matter supposed to know John Walker was a huge creep?

He never told you what they did with him. You knew he was still alive (all thanks to Thor) but you still had no clue where he was, and didn’t bother to ask. You didn’t care, just as long as he was far away from you and any other woman in the near vicinity. Ever.

You told Thor on several occasions that he was not to blame. No one except John Walker was to blame, but you knew that didn’t erase his guilt. You hoped one day he would be able to forgive himself, and so you made it a point to show him how well you were doing now. You made it a point to show both of them.

You didn’t second guess Loki’s increased presence in your life after the incident.

After the attack, Loki must have punished himself so much that he actually became a more bearable person to be around. Nice, even. At least to you. Initially, it had you on edge, not having been used to this side of him. You were used to his snarky comments and glowering expressions being thrown your way, but those were rare now. In fact, if he did insult you, it was done with a tinge of playfulness. It took you a little while to learn to interact with him in a normal way. His sudden softness towards you felt unfamiliar and took some getting used to. 

You had been waiting for the act to drop for months now, but he kept it up. The strange part was that you actually started to enjoy his company like you did Thor’s.

You looked forward to seeing him whenever he and Thor came by to hang out. Whether it was to go for walks in the park or eating dinner together. You especially enjoyed it when they came over for movie nights.

About once a month, you would host a movie marathon at your loft apartment. You invited several of your other friends, but Thor and Loki would always make sure to show up if anyone else hadn’t.

Unfortunately for anyone else, Thor loved watching the Fast and the Furious movies, so the night would be filled with endless car races, crashes, explosions, and terrible dialogue. Thor would be the only one extremely excited about it. But you always persevered through it because if those movies made your friend happy, then so were you.

On top of that, you had Loki there to trade entertaining critiques about the movies with.

One night, Thor was on a mission and couldn’t make it to the movie marathon. Used to them coming in a pair, you assumed no one would come by. To your surprise, Loki showed up to your door with a bottle of wine and your favorite snack.

“How did you know I liked these?” you asked as you let him in, taking his coat and placing it on the rack by the door.

“Easy.” He drawled, walking over towards your kitchen to grab two wine glasses out of your cabinet. “You are not as discreet as you think you are. I have witnessed you consume these treats many times at Stark’s tiresome gatherings.”

“Really?” you questioned in mild surprise. “I didn’t think anyone would notice that. Seems I underestimated how observant you are.”

“That was your first mistake,” he smirked while carefully pouring the dark liquid into the glasses. “Nevertheless, it is not exceedingly difficult to identify the things you enjoy. You do not exactly hide your preferences or distastes.”

Placing your hands on your hips, you raise a challenging brow at him. “What are you trying to say? That I’m obvious and predictable.”

The sound of his deep, silky laughter had your heart skipping a beat. Loki shook his head, walking around the kitchen island to hand you a glass.

“Oh no, certainly not, dear. Not to the average person at least.” He grinned, long fingers lightly brushing past yours as you grabbed the glass from him.

“Now let’s take advantage of Thor’s absence and watch anything but those dreadful racing movies.”

You happily agreed, placing your snacks on the coffee table as you searched through movies on the TV screen. Unfortunately for Loki, you had a series in mind that was equally as bad, if not worse than The Fast and the Furious movies. 

The Twilight Saga.

The other day he made the mistake of admitting he wasn’t aware of who Edward Cullen was when you made a vampire joke.

As expected, he complained, no– provided “intellectual commentary” throughout the entirety of the first two movies while you nodded, hummed, and acknowledged his issues and concerns with what was happening on the screen.

It amused you to no end, and you actually found that you were enjoying your time with him. Alone. 

That was the first time you and Loki hung out together without Thor or anyone else present. The first time you had to admit to yourself that you didn’t feel the lack of Thor’s absence. The first time it was becoming clear to you that Loki was actually a great person to be around. 

And it was the first moment you felt something other than annoyance or anger towards him.

Then you began to notice more and more things about him. His quick-witted quips and natural charm. His uncanny ability to know just how to make you laugh whenever you were feeling down. 

Then you started to notice details. How the light reflected off of his jet black silky curls. The sound of his smooth, deep timbre drew you in, compelling you to hang on to every word he articulated with perfect precision. How flawless his brilliantly white teeth looked whenever he smiled, and how mesmerizing his piercing, forest-green eyes were—you could rave about them endlessly.

Then you started to think about him when he was gone, excitedly looking forward to the next time he'd come by your place. Alone.

That’s when you realized that you were falling for Loki Laufeyson, and this completely devastated you. 

The scariest part about your newfound feelings was that they seemed to have been there all along, just lingering in the back of your mind. Hidden somewhere deep within you just waiting to be discovered. They were covered in a mask of ire and fear the whole time, even before the incident.

How could you have developed feelings for your ex arch-nemesis of all people? It was wrong, and as hard as you tried to ignore them, those feelings didn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

Something had to be done before you ended up falling too deep. So you thought about it hard and deep. But instead of handling the situation in a mature manner, you decided to do the complete opposite. 

One morning Loki arrived at your apartment, just as you expected him to. You opened the door and were met with a gentle smile and a warm greeting. You were tempted to shut the door right in his face just to get him to stop looking at you that way.

“Hi, Loki,” You responded lacklusterly, giving him minimum eye contact. 

A dark brow rose high on his face. “Are you going to let me in? Or am I to stand out in your hall the rest of the day for your neighbors entertainment?”

“Yeah, um sorry. Come in.”

You backed away from the door allowing him in, not missing the incredibly enticing scent that he always carried with him as he walked past you.

He sauntered further into your place with an air of familiarity, not seeming to notice your awkwardness as you watched him nervously. 

Opening your fridge he peered inside of it quizzically.

“Stark’s having another one of those god awful parties tonight.” You heard him grumble. “ I was thinking we’d go together this time. I need to appear preoccupied with someone else so that I do not get pulled into another dim-witted conversation with any of the other attendees.” 

You didn’t say anything, just watching as he perused your pantry next. 

“Because if I am forced to hear about the recent trends of that inconsequential thing you humans call the ‘stock market’ once more, I may be inclined to sew a mouth or two shut, and I don’t think anyone would be too happy about that.”

He closed the pantry doors, giving you a look. “It seems as if the items in your food chamber are getting low. We shall stop by the farmer’s market later today and-.”

“I need space.” You blurted out haphazardly. 

You couldn’t help it. There was no easy way to begin the conversation you were about to have with him. It had to be done cold turkey.

He paused, tilting his head slightly. “Space?”

“Yes,” you nodded, swallowing nervously. “You… you don’t have to be around so much anymore, you know? I appreciate what you did for me all those months ago and what you’ve both done for me since then, but I don’t need you nor Thor around all the time. I’m just fine on my own.”

Loki slowly straightened to his full height, arms crossing over his chest as he observed you curiously.

“Yes, I understand that. You are very capable of taking care of yourself. We do not think you to be a helpless damsel, at least I don’t.” He shrugged lightly. “But I do not mind our visits. They allow me an escape from Thor and his band of buffoons. I assist in their missions when I can but I would much prefer being here instead.” He chuckled. “I am afraid I’d go completely mad if I had nowhere else to spend my time.”

You didn’t ask, but you assumed the “buffoons” he was talking about were the Avengers. This would have made you laugh if you were not trying to separate yourself from him.

“That can’t be true. I’m sure you have plenty of ways to spend your time other than coming here or going grocery shopping with me. Other people would probably kill to have only a second of your time.” You huffed. “You should go out more. Meet new people. That way you’ll gain more friends or even potential suitors. If you’re interested in that sort of thing I guess.”

“No. I am not interested in any of that. ” He grimaced. “Sounds horrifying.”

“What about Asgard? When was the last time you visited?”

His face slackened as he glanced towards the floor. “It has been… some time. Even so, I am in no rush to go back anytime soon. I do not believe the Asgardians are very eager for my return.”

Your heart broke at the look of uncertainty he was trying to hide. The man felt unwanted in his own realm and here you were, yet another person trying to push him away. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. They don’t know what they’re missing out on.” You whispered.

“I do not care. That does not matter since I am here and not there.” He raised his gaze back to you. “If you feel as if you are hindering me in any way, believe that you are not.” 

He took a step towards you. The gentle but nervous look on his face only increased your own apprehension.

“I’m aware that we did not have… the best of starts. I was not very welcoming to you. It was… incredibly troubling when I think back on how I treated you.” His brows furrowed deeply. “But, I experienced something akin to an awakening during the aftermath of Thor’s party. I should not have said those horrible things to you. They were not true, and I put you in a vulnerable state. Anything could have happened to you-”

“But nothing did, because you were there.” You assured him. He saved you.

“Yes, but if I had not arrived in time-”

“But you did. And I’m safe. I’m okay.” You reminded him, gesturing to yourself. “None of that was your fault or your responsibility, Loki. What happened was-”

“-the result of me being incredibly cruel to you. You wouldn’t have stumbled into that monster’s grasp if I didn’t ruin your night with my foolishness.” 

“You don’t know that.” You stressed. “Maybe I would’ve or maybe I wouldn’t have. The fact of the matter is, that was not on you. But for some reason, you continue to blame yourself for that, and that is the real reason why you’re here. That’s why you come around so much. It’s because you feel guilty.”

He stared at you incredulously. “Is that what you believe? Truly? That I am only here out of guilt? That I feel obligated to be around you?”

You swallowed, looking away from his exasperated expression. “Yes. Maybe.”

You know it was not what he wanted to hear, but it was the truth. How could you develop feelings for someone who felt as if they owed it to you to be your friend from a guilty conscience? Why else would he have switched up his attitude towards you so fast?

His mouth opened and closed as if he was trying to figure out the right thing to say but couldn’t.

He quickly composed himself, taking a deep breath before nearing you. He stopped only a foot away and carefully placed his hands on your arms. You shivered at the warmth you felt coming through your shirt. He was so close that you had to crane your head to meet his eyes. The combination of him touching you and looking at you was becoming too much for you to handle.

“I believe you have a great misunderstanding of the situation, darling. Let me explain something to you. Do I still carry guilt for the part that I played in your attack that night? Yes, and I don’t believe that I’d ever be rid of that.” He admitted jade eyes troubled. 

“But, despite that, I do not linger around you out of some pitiful notion of guilt. To be allowed the chance to spend time with an incredibly smart and talented woman only to make myself feel better? How foolish would that be.” he scoffed. “I have a feeling that both you and I understand that I do not willingly go anywhere I do not want to be, or be in the presence of others I do not care for. As difficult as this may be to get through that stubborn head of yours, I am only here because of one reason. It’s because I want to be.”

Your breath hitched at his words, a rush of warmth filling your chest.

“I want to be here. As infuriating and stubborn as you can be, I do enjoy your company. I enjoy spending time with you. Truly,” He confessed softly. “That is it. Everything I said about needing to get away from Thor and the others was partially true. Nevertheless, they are mere excuses to hide the fact that I willingly come here to see you at every chance I get. That I look forward to it every day, and that my mood seems to worsen when I am not able to. Just ask Thor.”

You shook your head, not knowing what to say to that. “Loki...”

“It’s pathetic, I know, but I have already accepted it. I just want to be a friend to you.”

His chest visibly rose and fell as he took a breath. “If you’d allow me to be.”

Your mouth was completely dry as you stared at him wide-eyed.

“I…” you began, attempting to string some words together as he waited patiently for your response.

You never thought you’d witness the day Loki allowed himself to be this open with you. Yet here it was. It was a beautiful thing to see and felt like a dream come true. This was it. The time to pull your big girl pants on and tell him how you truly feel. 

But for some reason, you couldn’t do it. You weren’t ready.

“... I… I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend, Loki.” You said, slowly shaking your head. “I don’t want to be your friend.”

He blinked, face falling in an instant. Extreme disbelief settled onto his elegant features as you regarded him with a straight face. The straightest you could muster. 

The more convincing you were, the better it would be for the both of you.

“You saved me from John, and I will forever be grateful to you. But no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get over the way you treated me beforehand. The things you said to me.” 

You shook your head, backing away from him. “I know you’ve apologized for it, but you were so unnecessarily mean to me, Loki. You called me pathetic, and disgusting. You accused me of trying to seduce your brother. What kind of “friend” says things like that?”

“I…” His face was twisted in anguish. “I did not mean it.”

His voice was so uncharacteristically soft. You could hear the hurt as clear as day and you felt like a monster.

“It was a mistake. One I have regretted terribly since then. I would not ever treat you that way again. Not ever.”

“It doesn’t matter.” You muttered, turning your back to him. Fresh tears built up in your eyes, and you took a deep breath before saying your last words to him.

“It’s too late. I’m sorry that it has to be this way, but I don’t think I can do it. I don’t like the person you are and I can’t be your friend.” You wiped a stray tear from your face, sniffling.

Your apartment was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. 

You stood there feeling, his gaze burning into your back for what felt like forever before you finally heard the slam of your apartment door.

You instantly bursted into tears, hands muffling the sobs that wracked your frame.

You couldn’t believe you did that.

******

A knock sounded on your apartment door a week later. When you didn’t answer, the urgent knocks quickly turned into loud bangs, making you leave your bed and rush to the door in panic. You didn’t need your neighbors complaining about noise yet again.

Before you could look through the tiny peephole or even ask who it was, you heard a familiar accented voice from the other side of the door.

“Friend! Are you in there?”

You opened the door and were met with troubled blue eyes.

“Thor?” You gave him a confused look. “What… what are you doing here?”

He texted and called you several times in the past few days but was met with the same excuse. I’m not feeling too good. I think I caught the flu or something. Need some time to recover. 

You let him in and shut the door behind him. He plopped down on your sofa and you slowly sat across from him.

“I understand you instructed me not to bother you but I really wanted to check on you since I know you fell ill. Are you well, friend?”

You gave him a sheepish look. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Hmm.” He leaned backward on the sofa, gaze narrowing. “Other than your unusual state of disarray, you do seem to not be drowning in sickness.”

You shifted in your seat uncomfortably, not knowing what to say to that. You were sure you looked like hell. It was noon and you were still in your pajamas, and your hair had not been touched in days. The most you had the energy to do was shower and eat. Even those activities took a lot of energy from you.

Your normally tidy apartment was a mess. Clothes and random objects were carelessly left all over the place, and a tall pile of unopened mail laid messily on your coffee table. Thor was extremely kind to just call it a state of disarray.

“I must admit that there are other reasons for me arriving unannounced.” He cleared his throat, brows furrowing as he sat forward, folding his hands. “I did not understand at first, but I gathered something has happened between you and my brother. I do not know what unfolded between you two, but I am assuming it was not good.”

You bit your lip nervously, looking down at your lap.

“Still, I am very confused. If I’m not mistaken, things were improving between you two and all seemed to be well. Now you are hiding inside your home with little to no contact under the guise of unwellness, and Loki’s been acting stranger than usual. His mood sours at the mention of your name. I have tried to talk to him but he will not speak to me about the matter either. Please tell me what has happened.”

Thor was clearly very concerned about the situation, and it would do you no good to lie to him. He’s been a great friend to you and so you felt obligated to tell him the truth.

You sighed before meeting his gaze with a look of exhaustion on your features. 

“Would you like some tea?”

His brows raised at your question and you chuckled. 

“With what I have to say, you may be here for a while, Thunder.”

You returned from the kitchen with two hot mugs a few moments later, sitting down across from Thor and carefully explaining the situation to him.

As you explained how your last conversation went with Loki, you watched as his expression shifted—from understanding to shock and confusion—before finally settling into a somber state. You weren’t exactly sure what he was thinking or if he was sad for you or his brother. Most likely both.

“I lied to him.” You admitted with a shameful shake of your head. “I told him that I didn’t like him.” 

Thor shook his head, clearly confused by your actions. “I don’t understand. I thought you two were getting along quite well. Did he do something to upset you?

You shook your head, rubbing a hand across your forehead. “No, that’s part of the problem, Thor.”

The look on his face was almost comical. He stared at you, waiting for you to continue.

You did, but not without letting out a long sigh beforehand. “I’m used to him being a complete ass. I’m not used to this nice, considerate, helpful Loki that’s been coming by my apartment.” You exclaimed, raising a hand in the air. “I’m not used to this Loki that talks to me like I’m a normal human being, or brings me food when I’m feeling down, or the one who watched cheesy movies with me. I couldn’t handle being around him anymore. I had to run him off before I-.” You paused, eyes fluttering shut.

“Before what?”

You took a deep breath and looked at Thor. Your friend, one of your best friends in the whole world. Your friend who was a brother to the person you…

Your voice lowered to a barely audible whisper. “Before I fell in love with him.”

All of the confusion from his face dropped, leaving warm eyes and a gentle smile on his lips.

You squeezed your eyes shut, covering your face in embarrassment. “It’s ridiculous to say, isn't it? I’m being so stupid.”

“No!” Thor exclaimed, reaching a hand out to you. “Never in a millennium would I ever think that of you. What you are feeling is not stupid. I-.”

He cut himself off, shaking his head with a look of disbelief. “I am just puzzled how I did not see this coming much sooner.”

You peeked at him through your fingers. “Huh?”

“See your true feelings for Loki.” He explained. “I was so focused on ensuring your well being that I did not see what was happening right in front of me. Maybe I could have prevented this from happening.”

You frowned, hands sliding away from your face,

“What do you mean you could have prevented this?”

A sheepish look spread upon the blonde god’s face.

“I am sure this is difficult for you given your history with Loki so I completely understand your hesitance when it comes to his motivations.” He explained. “But I must admit, I thought you were more aware of his feelings for you than it appears you are.”

You said nothing, having no clue where he was going with this.

“You see, friend, Loki was only harsh to you before because he did not know how to tell you that he admired you.”

Oh…. what?!

“The best he could do was antagonize you until you snapped. Unfortunately for him, he has never been great at talking about his feelings.”

He sure could have fooled you a week ago. There he was, in your kitchen pouring out his heart to you and you completely shut him down. You were beginning to question if you made a mistake.

“Loki cares for you immensely.” Thor strongly insisted. “He always has. But I did not know you felt the same way. I would have whipped him into shape and made him behave a long time ago. I can think of no one else that would be as perfect for him as you would be.”

If you weren’t so thrown off by what Thor was revealing to you, you would have blushed at his compliment.

“Why… why didn’t he say anything?” You asked. “He didn’t– all he said was that he wanted to be my friend. I didn’t think he cared for me the same way that I cared for him. That’s why I pushed him away. I don’t think I could have stayed friends with him without always feeling something deeper.” you admitted, tears kissing your eyes.

Thor looked at you seriously, blinking slowly. “You’re right. Loki doesn’t just care for you,” He informed. “It is so much more than that. Truly.”

Your face dropped.

“I should not be the one to inform you of this, but he did not tell you about his true feelings because he was worried of…. Well, the exact reaction you gave him for simply requesting to befriend you.”

Your heart felt like it was breaking into a million tiny pieces. You wanted Thor to stop talking because he was making you realize how much you fucked up. Big time.

“N-no… that’s not true.” You said, shaking your head in disbelief. “Loki hated me, he always has.”

Thor raised a brow. “Do you truly believe that he despised you to that extent? He was a simpering mess and was jealous of our friendship because he desired to be as close to you as I was. But he did not think he could do so. He did not know how to get closer to you, so I tried to convince him to simply talk to you more. But as you know very well, my brother is the most stubborn man in the nine realms. I believe that he was truly afraid of your rejection. That is what was stopping him from revealing his true feelings to you.”

You dropped your head to your hands, shaking your head slowly. “And I did exactly what he thought I would do.” You flat out rejected him. Of course, it wasn’t because you actually disliked him, but it was because of your own fears of inadequacy. All this time you thought he was the asshole. Turns out it was really you. The roles had flipped because you let those same feelings of rejection Loki had gotten in the way of you becoming closer. Of you two possibly becoming more.

No one was more surprised than you were when you received an invitation to a birthday party a couple of weeks later after your talk with Thor. And not just any birthday party either. 

It was Loki’s.

Thor was the only person who could have sent this to you because there was no way Loki could have invited you to his own party. This was confirmed when you realized it was supposed to be a surprise birthday party.

You could think of a billion reasons why that was not a good idea. One being that this surprise party was supposedly for a god who could get annoyed enough to start another war against humanity, and two being that he certainly hated your guts right now, and for a very valid reason this time.

Nevertheless, with your guilty conscience weighing heavily on you (and a bit of gentle bullying from Thor) you decided to go to the party anyway.

It was at a fancy hotel in downtown Manhattan, and Loki wasn’t supposed to arrive for another thirty minutes or so, but the way your heart was rapidly beating you’d think he was already there. You searched around the room in apprehension, fingers toying with the dark green ribbon of the small box you were holding. Eventually, you sat the present down on the gift table, forcing your hands to stay still as you waited for him to show.

Apparently, Thor gave Loki some misleading excuse for him to come to the hotel so he wouldn’t know that there would be a party, especially for him. 

But something told you that Loki was smarter than that.

The next time you glanced at your watch, thirty minutes plus had passed and Loki had yet to arrive like Thor asked him to. Then an hour had passed and people started to get antsy, but once Sam had turned on the music and Tony announced that the bar was open, everyone seemed to relax and enjoy themselves a bit more. They were having the party as if the birthday boy wasn't MIA.

This disappointed you greatly.

“I’m sorry, friend.” Thor sighed, patting your arm gently. “I truly thought he would be here, but he must have found out about my plans and decided not to come. He’s never been one for a surprise.” 

“Maybe he’ll show up sooner or later. Who knows.” you shrugged, forcing a sad smile. To say you were disappointed was a great understatement. You thought you’d feel relieved that you wouldn’t have to face him today, but you realized that you were really looking forward to seeing him again.  

You sighed, looking around. “I think I'm gonna go. I’m not really in a party mood right now. I only came here because… Well, you know.”

Thor nodded sympathetically. “Of course. I will see you later.” 

He gave you a departing hug and you exited the ballroom. You were barely halfway down the hall, almost making it to the lobby before an arm reached out of a dark room, snatching you inside. It happened so quickly that you barely had time to scream.

You yelped when the door slammed shut, then light quickly flooded the room. 

Your eyes blinked rapidly, adjusting to focus on the tall figure in front of you. There, barely a few feet away stood Loki, dressed to the nines in a killer black tux that fit his body as if it was created just for him.  

The small closet he pulled you into was pretty cramped. He regarded you coldly, a displeased expression on his face. Brows furrowed deeply and jaw clenched.

It was clear that he was not happy to see you.

“Wait, you’re here?” You gaped at him dumbly. “Have you been here this whole time? Everyone’s been waiting for you in the ballroom.”

“Yes, I am fully aware. I’ve known about this ridiculous party the entire time.” He snapped, a great amount of annoyance in his tone. “I do not care about what anyone is doing. What I want to know is why you are here?”

You swallowed down the lump in your throat, doing your best to meet his heated gaze head on. “W-well, i-”

“Spit it out, mortal,” he growled impatiently.

Oh, so we’re back to mortal now, you thought to yourself grumpily. 

You cleared your throat, squaring your shoulders with a heavy sigh. “I wanted to say that… that I’m sorry.”

He continued to stare, entirely unfazed by your apology. You fidgeted nervously under the weight of his gaze.

“For what, exactly?”

“For everything.” You frowned, shaking your head. “For saying those horrible things to you. For saying that I didn't like you.” You sighed heavily. “None of what I said that day was true and I know I hurt your feelings-”

“Feelings? I don’t have any feelings regarding you.” He scoffed, taking a small step back away from you. “None other than utter disdain.”

Your heart twisted painfully at his words. You guessed you deserved that.

You continued on anyway. As hard as he tried to hide it, you could hear the pain seeping through the anger in his voice.   

“Regardless of whether I hurt your feelings or not, I wanted you to know that what I said wasn’t the truth. I lied to you when I said I didn’t want to be your friend. The truth is I really, really do.” 

His severe expression remained, only growing harsher as his frown deepened.

“Did my idiot brother put you up to this?”

“Of course not,” you answered quickly. “I’m apologizing because I want to. You didn’t deserve that. Not at all.”

“Then why?” He demanded, stepping closer to you. “Why would you say those things if you did not truly mean it?”

A heavy silence hung between you, broken only by the faint sound of the bass from the ridiculously loud music leaking through the closet door from down the hall.

“I… I don’t know,” you muttered lamely.

You instantly regretted your words as you watched Loki’s face fall. You could take his anger, you were used to it by now, but any trace of irritation had completely disappeared from his expression. All that was left was disappointment. Confusion. Sadness. 

"You don’t know," he said, his tone laced with disbelief.

His mouth parted as if he were about to speak, but the words faltered and died on his lips.

A suffocating pressure filled your chest as he avoided your gaze, deftly stepping around you to open the closet door.

“Loki wait–” Your call to him was silenced by the sharp slam of the door.

Your eyes squeezed shut, the weight of unshed tears pressing against your lids.

You were a coward. He had given you the chance to explain yourself, the chance to tell him the truth, to tell him how you really felt, and instead you decided to hurt him even more by lying to him yet again. 

Trying to tell someone like Loki that you cared about him was proving to be extremely difficult for you. Yet no matter how hard it was, you could not risk losing him. 

Grabbing the knob, you swung the door open, running down the halls of the hotel in your heels like a mad woman.

“Loki!” 

You saw him heading towards the exit. You ignored the curious glances of the hotel staff watching you from behind the desk as you sped past them.

He didn’t stop. He didn’t even turn around to acknowledge you, long legs striding towards the doors with determination

You stopped in your tracks, letting out a breath before calling out to him.

“I said those things to you because I was scared.”

He didn’t stop, and you continued.

“I-I was scared because I liked you too, but more than a friend, and I didn’t know what to do about that.”

He immediately halted in his tracks, the sliding doors opening for him. Relief filled you when he didn't walk through them. 

Your voice lowered now that you had his attention. “I didn’t know how to feel about that, because I’m not supposed to like you, Loki.” 

This was it. There he was, standing by the entrance of the hotel waiting for you to say more, only a second away from bolting out the door. This moment was all you had, and you couldn’t mess it up. Not again.

You swallowed hard, nails biting into your palms from the pressure of your closed fists. 

This was it. Only the truth would save you now.

“I wanted to keep myself from falling in love with you.” You whispered. “But I think it’s too late.”

"He slowly turned to face you, looking thoroughly paralyzed. As if he'd just seen a ghost. His eyes grew wide, and he blinked, his breath caught in his throat. “What did you say?”

You took a step forward, a watery smile growing on your face. 

"I tried to push you away," you said quietly. "Because I began to feel more than just friendship, and I was afraid it was all one-sided. I didn’t think you could feel the same way about me as I do about you... as I still do."

You saw his features morph from surprise to disbelief, then eased into relief, all in the blink of an eye. Before you realized it, he was stalking toward you with even more purpose than before, stopping barely a foot away from you.

“You simple-minded woman,” he chastised softly. “How could I not feel the same way? How could I not love you as well?”

A sharp intake of breath escaped you as you stared at him, stunned by his words.

“Did you not believe I loved you when I couldn't stop being  fixated on you? When I became jealous of my own brother just because he met you first? When I almost successfully murdered a man with my bare hands for daring to cause you harm? It's something I'd gladly do again and finish what I started.” He growled.

“I am not bypassing the fact that I made it extremely difficult to see, but it was always there.” he paused before lifting a hand towards your face, placing it on your cheek gently. “I was entranced with you from the very moment I met you, and was devastated when I thought I could never have you.”

Your breath came in shallow gasps, your chest heaving as you gazed at the man in front of you. It was as if the world had shifted, and you were seeing him in a new light—seeing him for who he truly was and what he meant to you. Your heart swelled, and instinctively, you took a step closer, lifting yourself onto your toes to pull him down towards you, pressing your lips to his with an intensity you couldn’t control.

For a brief moment, you saw surprise flash across his face, but it was gone just as quickly. He steadied himself, cupping your face in his hands and kissing you back with the same fierce passion.

It didn’t take long for his tongue to find the inside of your mouth. the taste of mint on his lips sending a rush of euphoria through you. The feeling was absolutely heavenly. Gripping his arms for dear life, you were desperate for support as each passing second made you feel more lightheaded, overwhelmed by the sensation of Loki Laufeyson kissing you fiercely right there in the hotel lobby.

You let out an involuntary moan when his hands moved from your face, traveling down your neck and back.

A throat cleared, catching you off guard. “Um, Excuse me.”

With great reluctance, you both pulled away from each other, turning to look at the awkward looking hotel manager that was standing a few feet away from you.

You hadn’t even heard him come near. Loki cleared his throat and you blushed, straightening the top of your dress as two women, no–now four women giggled behind the lobby desk. 

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but considering that things look a bit… intense between you two, may I suggest you take this interaction to one of our rooms? We have a few more suites available. I would suggest our honeymoon suite.”

You met Loki's gaze with a sheepish smile, but he didn’t look the least bit apologetic. In fact, he seemed rather pleased with himself. The last thing you wanted to put on was a show for everyone to see, but you couldn't help but get swept up into him once he started kissing you back.

“Maybe we should go to your party,” you suggested, turning to him with a guilty expression. “That way everyone will know you’re here.”

“Yes, I suppose we should.” He acknowledged. “I should at least tell Thor that I appreciate his basic efforts. He should know to do a better job at keeping secrets from me in the future.”

“Yes,” you agreed. “Let’s go do that. Right now.”

You caught Loki's hand, gently pulling him away from the nosy hotel staff and in the direction of the ballroom. The closer you got to the party, the more you were regretting your decision in not getting that hotel room. 

You and Loki were standing just outside of the grand double doors, silently staring ahead.

“We should go in, shouldn’t we?” you asked.

“We should,” he agreed half-heartedly.

You nodded, running a hand over your mussed hair before taking a step towards the door, grabbing the door handle. You didn’t get the chance to open it before you were pulled away. You were suddenly pressed into Loki’s hard body with his lips pressed to yours.

Barely five minutes later, he was dragging you into the recommended suite, slamming the door shut, and placing you up against it. Your mouths connected again in an instant, hands running through his dark locks and legs wrapped around his waist. 

“We should… get back to… the party.” You said in between kisses. 

Loki pulled away for a split second, quirking a brow. “Why in the hel would we do that?”

You felt a rush of warmth in your cheeks. “For one, all your friends are waiting for you, and here I am keeping you from them.”

He chuckled darkly, leaning down to place a kiss under your chin. “Those imbeciles can wait. Right now, I prefer that I have you all to myself.” 

“You can have me.” You whispered lightly. “I wouldn’t mind.” You more than wouldn’t mind. You’d be absolutely delighted.

He pulled back to meet your lust filled gaze.

“As would I, my love, but not yet. Not fully at least.”

You paused, blinking at him in slight confusion.

“You are a profoundly beautiful and intelligent woman, and I would prefer to court you properly before we go any further.” He explained, smiling softly as he ran the back of his hand down your cheek. “You deserve that and so much more.”

And here you were ready to rip his pants off. You were a complete horny mess, and by the prominent feeling of him rubbing against your stomach, you knew he was too.

However, he was right, and it turned you on even more that he respected you enough to hold back on his primal instincts. For now. 

“Well,” You grinned, eyes searching his. “What would you like to do birthday boy?”

"I want to be with you. Just you." He confessed. "I want to hold you close, and look into your eyes—it's something I've dreamed of doing for a very long time."

Your heart skipped a beat, and you nodded. “I’d like that too.”

Before long, you found yourselves exactly where you needed to be. Both of you stretched out on the luxurious soft king-sized bed, nestled in his arms with your head resting against his chest. At that moment, you couldn’t remember ever feeling so secure, so complete.

“I have to confess,” you heard him murmur softly. “I did not expect this. I had already prepared myself to walk into that party, miserable as ever, and force myself to listen to people I could care less about drone on about how lucky I was to be related to Thor.”

You nestled closer to him, breathing in his scent.

“But then I saw you, standing there looking as enchanting as ever, and my whole world turned on its head. Regardless of what I said earlier, I am happy that you are here.”

He kissed the top of your head.

“This is truly the best surprise. Better than I could ever have imagined.”

𝘈/𝘕: 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵, 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐?

DarkSerenity's Masterlist

✦ 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰. 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 ;)

More cackling erupted from the four men as you stood there awkwardly under Steve's hold. His arm was wrapped around your waist, a large hand lightly squeezing your side. 

Subconsciously, your body leaned into his as you looked up at him. You were entrapped by how gorgeous he looked in the evening light, his blue eyes bright and handsome smile dazzling.

He looked so happy to be holding you. Like a proud husband. 

“Alright, alright,” Steve rubbed your back with a sigh. “I’m calling it a night. I gotta put these two to bed,” He finished with a kiss on your forehead, lightly placing a hand on your newly protruding belly.

You all said your goodbyes and Steve guided you into the house, hand still resting on the small of your back. You headed straight towards the kitchen and began to clean up. 

“Hey,” You were startled when Steve grabbed your arm, halting your efforts to pull on your dish gloves. “What do you think you’re doing, beautiful?”

You blinked and looked around the kitchen. “Well, the kitchen needs tidying and-.”

“I’ll do it,” He said with a sweet smile. “You’ve already made us a lovely dinner tonight, no need to do anything more. You should rest.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary-.” You cut yourself off when you saw Steve’s signature no nonsense appear upon his face.

“You’re carrying our child, baby,” He reminded you. “Our baby . Let me take care of you, alright?”

You took a deep breath and nodded with a grateful smile, allowing him to lead you over to the kitchen island. You sat on the stool and he tucked you in under the countertop, placing a soft kiss on your cheek before backing away.

Steve took no time in collecting your prenatal vitamins, placing them in a small cup, and sliding them over to you. But instead of providing you with a glass of water, a steaming mug of hot liquid was placed in front of you before you could blink. 

You hummed in delight, leaning down to smell the aromatic scent of your favorite drink. The inviting aroma was a mix of herbal and spicy, with something earthy you couldn’t quite place.

Steve knew how much it calmed your nerves. The pregnancy had certainly taken a toll on you, leaving you feeling more on edge at certain moments of the day. But the tea always did the trick, effortlessly soothing your restless nerves.

Its relaxing and calming effects rained over your body with an unusual warmth. It almost felt magical .

You remembered asking Steve about the tea’s origins. It had never crossed your mind to ask him before but it had been on your mind for a while. You had thought it a bit odd when he seemed to be thrown off by your innocent question, brow furrowing slightly as he studied you. He didn’t seem to want to answer you but he eventually did, simply saying it was made overseas somewhere. 

Europe maybe, he had said.

You took a slow sip, careful of the hot liquid as Steve moved around the kitchen with complete ease. 

Your tongue smacked against the roof of your mouth. The drink was stronger than usual, and that made you wonder if Steve had steeped it longer this time.

Your curious eyes followed him, utterly mesmerized by the way his sizable body made the kitchen seem so much smaller than it was.

You felt like a smitten schoolgirl watching her crush.

When Steve wasn’t lightly whistling as he did his tasks, he was casually talking to you about things. His latest missions with the team, future projects he wanted to do for the house, and most of all, things you needed to get for the baby.

Neither of you knew the gender yet, Steve wanted to be surprised and you just went along with it. 

It felt weird to say but in all honesty, you didn’t care.

The most important thing to you regarding your pregnancy was that you stayed healthy enough to carry the baby to full term. You wanted this for Steve. You wanted to provide him with the big happy family he always wanted.

This was everything Steve dreamed of. What he has talked about since you first got married.

All you wanted to do was make Steve happy. It was the least you could do considering the life he had built for you. The protection he shrouded over you. The intense love he had for you.

You weren’t aware that you had slipped into a trance, your husband’s deep timbre fading into the background until it was an inaudible muffle.

You wanted this baby for Steve. 

You were happy for Steve.

Steve needed you and you needed him. 

Steve was an Avenger.

You were an…. Avenger ?

You didn’t hear Steve calling to you for the third time in a row, finally snapping out of it when his face filled your blurry vision.

Your attention focused back on him, the smile growing on your lips that slowly faded when you witnessed how worried he looked. He shuffled closer, eyeing you carefully.

“Are you okay, baby?” 

You blinked slowly. “Yes, of course I am. I think I’m just more tired than I thought. Having some odd thoughts.” You chuckled embarrassedly.

Steve stared at you for a moment, the concern on his face not disappearing. You understood that he was worried but the longer he scrutinized you, the more uneasy you felt.

Had you said something wrong?

“Hmm,” His pink lips pursed, and with a nod of his head, he slowly walked around your chair, placing broad hands on your shoulders. “Finish up your tea and we’ll get you all nice and cleaned up for bed, okay?” 

You nodded, quickly going back to consuming your drink in delight as Steve finished cleaning. 

When you were finished, you placed the empty mug on the counter. You blinked slowly, feeling warm and tingly inside, and so very tired.

Steve gave you a heartwarming smile when you yawned. You giggled in surprise when he scooped you up into his arms with a quickness. Before you knew it, he was whisking you through the spacious house, up the staircase, and into the bedroom. 

He set you on your feet, leading you into the ensuite bathroom, and immediately started to undress himself.

You watched him as he stood before you in all of his golden glory, completely naked and chiseled as if he was delicately crafted by the gods.

He took no time in getting you undressed as well. You shivered in delight when he pulled your naked body to his own, leaning down to give you an oh-so-sweet kiss.

When you were both in the shower, he took no time in rubbing his hands down your wet body., making sure to rub the soap into your skin carefully. His features held a blend of concentration and admiration as he touched you.

You knew you were in for a long night when his gentle, innocent pecks on your face began to travel down to your neck and décolletage. His large, calloused hands smoothed over your shoulders, slowly traveling down your side until they stopped at your hips, gripping them tightly.

 “Steve,” you gasped when you felt the smooth, rock-hard weight of his heavy cock press into you.

“I’m sorry,” His seductive smirk told you that he wasn’t in fact sorry. “Can’t seem to help myself, sweetheart. You’re just too gorgeous.” He leaned down to give you a slow, wet kiss. “Too damn sweet.”

You were immediately swept up in his kisses, finding yourself kissing him back eagerly. 

“Just perfect,” He whispered before slowly bending down on his knees. 

The shower water raining down on his head didn’t phase him as he lifted one of your legs onto his broad shoulder, slowly trailing kisses up your inner thighs.

You let out a light gasp as his lips met your labia, throwing your head back in complete ecstasy when you felt his tongue lick the length of your slit.

“S-steve,” you let out shakily, fingers pulling at his soaked blonde hair as his tongue dwelled deep into your pussy.

“I know, baby,” he murmured between your damp folds. “I’ve got you.”

You sucked in a breath when you felt his tongue press on your clit. He immediately went to town, giving your bundle of nerves all of his attention. Flicking it with his tongue and swirling your nub around.

One of your hands gripped his upper back, your nails digging into his skin as you mewled out his name again.

“Oh my god,” you whined at the intense feeling that came over you when his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking hard.

Steve knew you were a goner when your hips involuntarily started to buck into his face. He gripped you tightly, pulling you to him as close as possible as he burrowed his face into your mound.

Something snapped inside of you, and your body tensed as you let out a strangled moan. You felt the familiar intense wave of pleasure rush through your whole body as you shook in his hold.

Steve didn’t stop his ministrations, lapping up all you had to offer to him as if he were a starved man.

When you came down from your high, you looked down at Steve, your eyes traveling to the beads of water rolling down his face, neck, and back. He was still kneeling on the shower floor, grinning up at you from underneath his dark, wet lashes.

Steve caught you when you slumped against the wall, feeling majorly exhausted.

He rose to his feet, kissing you sweetly as he placed a hand on your cheek.

You knew he wasn’t done with you when you felt his other hand reach down your body, gripping a handful of your ass cheek.

“Steve, I’m tired,” You laughed weakly. As much as you enjoyed the incredible bliss he provided you, you didn’t know if you had the energy for more.

“I know,” he said, still kissing and touching you. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll do all the work, sweetheart.”

He barely gave you a chance to say anything else, hooking his arms under your legs and lifting you from the floor.

Your legs wrapped around his waist in an effort not to fall, and he pressed your back against the wall.

“Just hold on to me and don’t worry about anything else, okay?”

You felt your chest tighten as he slowly entered you, sliding inside your soaking core with a deep groan.

Steve proceeded to pound into you against the wall, water still pouring down the both of you as your loud mewls and his gruff moans filled the room.

And when you finally reached your second mind-blowing, body-trembling orgasm all you could think was that his friend's words had no effect on Steve at all.

“I love you,” he breathed against your mouth, hips still pounding into yours which was causing your orgasm to prolong.

You couldn’t even respond with all the electric pleasure ruminating through your body.

Story Masterlist

✦ 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰. 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 🤍 

Steve insisted you continue to drink your tea, telling you it was safe for the baby and still extremely good for your health.

But you didn’t believe that was true. The soothing effect of the dried herbs had disappeared, and soon the tea became tasteless and bitter. 

Then your mind slowly started to come back to you. It wasn’t quick, but you started to regain new memories day by day. 

And then it all started to make sense. 

Your strange moods, your unusual discomfort with the pregnancy. Steve’s wariness and close observation of you. Everything was falling into place.

One silent night as you laid next to your slumbering husband, all of your memories came rushing back to you. Every single thing that happened all those months ago.

Natasha. The pills. The club. Steve’s furious reaction to everything.

What he did to you that night.

It all became too much. 

So much so that you locked yourself in the alone bathroom one morning, not being able to withstand sleeping in the same bed as Steve. You sunk to the floor with your arms wrapped tightly around yourself.

You were so gone in your head that you didn’t hear Steve’s worried call of your name from the other side of the door. You didn’t hear his incessant knocks that eventually turned into loud bangs. You even barely noticed when he opened the door from the other side, placing a key on the sink counter before rushing over to you.

You didn’t know there was a key to the bathroom.

Instantly his questions came at you. What was wrong? Why did you lock yourself in the bathroom? Why did you lock him out?

You were unable to give him the answers he wanted, only squeaking out one sentence.

“I-I feel sick.”

That was the truth. You were extremely nauseous and your head continued to spin.

“Sick, alright…” Your husband nodded with furrowed brows. “Well, regardless of what’s going on you can’t do that again. I need to be able to help you, and locking me out is not the answer.”

There was real concern in his blue eyes but that didn’t stop you from missing the coldness that was hidden right beneath the surface.

“No more doing that. No more locking me out. Alright?”

With a hard gulp, you quickly nodded.

The way he went out of his way to care for you was almost sickening now that you knew the truth.

Now that you knew exactly who he was, and who you were.

The growing fetus inside you was Steve’s baby. 

You understood that it was half of you as well, but you didn’t have any real connection to the growing child inside of you yet and it wasn’t because of your lack of trying. It was because of the situation that its overbearing father put you in. 

Yet you tried your best not to show your kidnapper that you were on to him. Again.

No matter how hard it was for you to continue with the facade of being the hypnotized and heavily pregnant wife, you did just that. You didn’t know what to do about the situation you were in. Steve certainly couldn’t know that you knew .

But Steve wasn’t stupid. 

Weeks had passed since your revelation. You continued to hide your true feelings as well as you could. But eventually the old you started to come out. The real you.

The one who had no problem expressing her feelings. The one who was never afraid to tell her best friend when he was wrong. Only Steve wasn’t your best friend anymore.

Any lingering effects from the deceptive drink eventually wore off completely and you caught yourself talking back to Steve more often than not. Your defiance only led him to up the amount of tea he made you drink daily.

You gulped, eying the mug apprehensively before sliding your gaze up to your husband. He was standing right next to you, staring at you with an expectant look on his handsome features.

“Go on,” he nodded towards the mug, watching as you dumped the prenatal vitamins in your mouth before shakily lifting the mug of tea to your lips.

You softly blew the steam away before taking a few hesitant sips.

“There you go,” he purred with a tilt of his head as he stroked your hair. “Good girl.”

It took everything in you not to spit the liquid straight out of your mouth and onto the floor. You absolutely hated this.

You hated what Steve was doing to you, the power he had over you. You got away with not drinking the tea whenever you could but that was rare. Steve made sure he was always there to watch you consume it. 

He wouldn’t leave you be until the mug was empty of its deceptive contents. He had to make sure you were still under his control. Especially after the incident with Natasha a few months ago.

You can say that the little trust he had with you all but vanished after that night.

After experiencing such a grueling situation, it would have been wise for you to tone down your rebellious behavior. But the old you stuck up a middle finger at the idea of continuing to give Steve what he wanted.

“You’re going to hurt the baby if you keep doing this.” 

You rolled your eyes at Steve as he stood before you with a deep frown on his face. He had tried to convince you that your sour attitude to his demands was harmful for the child.

He did this a lot nowadays. Guilt tripping you and trying to make you feel stupid for not fully complying with him.

You should have been more careful when you stared at him mockingly while downing the whole mug of tea in only a few seconds, but the fire inside of you wouldn’t burn out. It was only getting bigger.

One morning when he thought you were still sleeping, you tiptoed downstairs, catching Steve in mid-conversation with none other than Thor Odinson.

“I know you warned me that the tea didn’t work on pregnant women, but I had to try,” He said quietly.

You couldn’t see his face but his tone was filled with an undeserved heaviness.

“I am sorry to hear that you and your bride are having troubles, my friend. However, if her memories have returned they must not be troubling her as much as you think. Why else would she still be here?” Thor optimistically questioned. “She must be so deeply in love with you that she cannot bear to leave. Perhaps she’s finally accepted this beautiful life you have built for her. Anyone would be insane to run from what you provide for her.”

“That hasn’t stopped her before,” Steve grumbled. “Though she hardly got the chance to try before I shut her down. But maybe you're right. Maybe she realizes what she has, and how much I love her. How much she means to me.”

Steve’s hopeful view of your relationship with him quickly came to a crash when you confronted him about it later that day.

“I was an Avenger!” you screamed at him, throwing a plate that would’ve landed right in the middle of his head if he was anyone else and not Captain America. 

He dodged it easily, but that didn’t prevent you from feeling impressed by what you just did. Your old fighting skills seemed to have been coming back along with your old memories.

“And you took that away from me. You took my whole life away from me just for me to become your useless housewife because you’re a selfish bastard!”

“I saved your life .” His voice thundered through the dining room. “You were always being reckless and stupid, and I was always there to handle you. To take care of you. You wouldn’t have lasted as long as you did without me.”

“Maybe so,” You shakily whispered, voice hoarse from the yelling. “But did you ever get it through your head that I didn’t want you? Not like you wanted me.” You swallowed hard before saying your next words. “Maybe I would have rather been dead than to be here stuck with you, and involuntarily pregnant with your baby.”

You knew those words were cruel, and you could tell by the way Steve’s face paled that he was extremely taken aback. A very small part of you felt just a tinge of guilt because you remembered that Steve was your friend once before. 

You remembered all the good times with him when you were extremely grateful to have had a friend like Steve Rogers. 

Now you absolutely despised him.

You instantly regretted those words when you found yourself being locked alone in your bedroom that night.

The next day, Steve unlocked the door from the other side, allowing you to sneak out. To your relief, he was nowhere to be found. You weren’t surprised when you discovered that the front door was also locked from the outside. You had no idea how he could do that.

An eerie thought popped into your mind as you wandered through the house. You paused before strutting to the door that led to the backyard. That was locked too. 

So was the door to the garage. Not only were all the doors locked from the other side, but so were the windows. You let out a shaky breath, slowly sinking to the floor when you realized what Steve was doing.

Now that you were no longer under his spell the only way to control you and make sure you didn’t leave him was by trapping you inside. 

As soon as he returned home you were on him in an instant, begging him to let you go.

“You can’t do this!” You were following him around the house, hot angry tears streaming down your face.

He paused in his steps, turning around to face you with a raised brow. “Can’t I?”

You glared at him, not liking how calm he was while you were almost hysterical.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood to attention when he let out a humorless chuckle. Brawny arms folded across his chest as he stared at you.

“Did you truly think that I’d let you just walk out of here? Like I didn’t take what you said the other day as a threat?”

“I didn’t-.”

“You didn’t what?” He sneered, taking slow steps towards you as you backed away. “You didn’t threaten to kill yourself? Because that’s what I heard.”

Your eyes widened comically large. “Kill- what?! That’s not what I-.”

“You were going to leave me and you were going to hurt yourself and my baby. I can’t trust you. Not with a knife and neither with my child’s life. You’re going to be monitored 24/7 until I feel like I can trust you again.”

Steve did exactly what he promised, not leaving your side unless it was absolutely necessary. He was there for every meal, every bath, every time you sat around to read a book, and every time you went to sleep. Honestly, it wasn’t much different from before, the only difference was that he was starting to drive you crazier as each day passed.

Not many people were allowed in the house before, and now that you were on lockdown down no one was allowed over at all. Not even the Avengers. If you weren’t lonely before you started disobeying Steve, you certainly were now. 

You felt like everyone had abandoned you, including Natasha. Yes, Steve had all but banned her from your home but you didn’t think she would give up so easily. Especially not after trying to get you out of the situation, and revealing to you who you really were.

Weeks had passed by with no sign of anyone else but your captor, but you were pleasantly surprised to find someone else that wasn’t Steve make their way inside of your house.

“Bucky?”

Story Masterlist

✦ 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰. 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 🤍 

I'm speaking frankly about this knowing that it probably makes me appear like I'm taking it too seriously... but the thing is I am. The hours I put into this fic spans years, and if I am going to continue working on finishing it, I need the motivation and security of knowing the readers I'm putting it out to will at least throw me a comment. I know it may seem controversial to a lot of you but that's just what it is. It's called setting boundaries 🤷🏾‍♀️

That being said, a lot of you have sent me super genuine messages saying while you do love reading the fic, you understand what I'm asking you to do and are willing to not be a ghost reader anymore. And then I immediately send you the link without hesitation.

If you've sent me a message before today and I haven't responded back yet, it's probably because I felt as if you didn't understand the initial post. Though I was very clear in all my previous updates about this, if somehow you were confused about it, I hope you understand now - hence this long ass post that I hope to never write again. If you read this and want to send me another message requesting access, please go and do so.

One last but very important thing I want to mention for everyone to know: Ao3 does not have an official way of privating a fic, that's why I hide the original work of F&C to everyone and created a new "secret" work that's not easy to find. Because of this, I am highly selective about who the link goes to, because once you have the link there is almost nothing I can do to prevent you from reading without commenting anymore.

However... I am not married to ao3 as a posting platform. While I love it and hope to continue using it to post my works, I am not opposed to hiding the secret work as well and quit posting on ao3 for good. This is not good news for some of my loyal readers who love to comment and read there, but it is something that has a possibility of happening if too many people decide to get comfortable with not commenting at all again. If that ever happens, the private book club (which I can add and remove people from while keeping the fic 100% private) will be the only place I post updates for F&C. This is not a threat, it's just a heads up, especially to my ao3 lovers 🫶🏾

If any of this information is confusing, please feel free to reach out to me by replying to the post, DM, or anon ask. I am happy to clarify or answer and questions.

I genuinely love all you guys and hope you are doing okay with all the recent events going on in the world. Stay happy and stay safe.