Ocean Grove, New Jersey

Unpopular fact: minimum wage was conceived to be the minimum amount of money a person would need to support themselves and their families when working 40 hours per week.

Unpopular fact: minimum wage was created because working men and women in this nation fought–figuratively in the negotiating room and literally in the streets–for a fair working wage, with sweat and blood and tears and death.

Unpopular fact: military service personnel are not the only people who have fought and died for your rights as American: labor leaders and common workers laid down their lives so that you could have a 40 hour work week instead of 80 hours; so you could have a 2 day weekend instead of none; so you could have lunch and bathroom breaks instead of going hungry and shitting your pants,; so you could have a three day weekend in September.

“McCain is at the top of the trends list on Twitter in the US as I write this, and clicking on his name brings up countless blue-checkmarked establishment loyalists from both sides of the imaginary partisan divide sternly admonishing us all to put aside our differences and show reverence for this brave, noble hero in his final days. They are using guilt, sympathy and patriotism to bully their followers into showing reverence for a man who has dedicated his entire political career to facilitating the violent slaughter of human beings at every opportunity, and in so doing they are sanctifying his legacy. 

happy Friday everyone, you’ve made it through the week and now it’s time for an all-new episode of Weird Biology! 

this week, we’ll be learning about a horrifically lethal insect whose very name makes you cringe. it’s that special bug buddy that I want to stay very far away from me forever,

I’m of the opinion that the words “giant” and “hornet” should never be combined, but maybe that’s just me. 

the Asian Giant Hornet has a perfectly descriptive and terrifying name. it’s the largest hornet on the planet, and is also known as the “Yak-Killer Hornet” because of its incredibly painful sting. (‘Yak-Killer Hornet’ is not a set of words that I ever wanted to type, but I got myself into this.)

as the name suggests, the Asian Giant Hornet is found, uh, in Asia. specifically, the lowlands and forests of East Asia. this unfortunately means the Hornet shares elbow space with hundreds of millions of humans, so if you live in East Asia you have my condolences.

I am so, so sorry.

and like the name suggests, the Asian Giant Hornet is, well. Giant. (though basically anything over half an inch is Too Damn Big when we’re talking about the wasp family.)

but we’re shit out of luck in this case, because this hornet is almost 2 inches long. it’s upsetting to find a spider that large, never mind what’s basically an overpowered and permanently angry wasp. and if that weren’t enough, they make underground hives that they share with 30+ of their brethren. jesus.

that is TOO MUCH HORNET. PUT IT BACK.

their stingers are only 6 mm long, which might not seem that bad! but like a lot of things in life, it’s what they do with it that counts. in this case, what they do with it is inject a large amount of corrosive venom into your helpless flesh. fun! (don’t…. google this. just don’t.)

the sting of the Asian Giant Hornet is considered to be one of the worst insect stings in the world. a single sting can really fuck up a human, and multiple stings can be lethal. which really sucks, because a hive of these things is more than enough Hornet to kill your face right off. right off. 

but normally, Asian Giant Hornets aren’t using their stings to kill humans. they use them to kill the living fuck out of other insects, which they then eat.

no joke, Wikipedia describes them as “intensely predatory”.

Asian Giant Hornets will eat any insect they can get the drop on, including praying mantises and smaller wasps. they’re like a pack of hungry and extremely toxic wolves. 

and one of their favorite foods is… honeybees! (in case you didn’t think these things were awful enough, they especially love baby honeybees.) 

when an Asian Giant Hornet scout finds a honeybee hive, they leave a scent marking outside. the scout then retreats to its own hive and returns with a Giant Hornet invasion force. an entire bee hive can be destroyed in hours by as few as 30 Hornets. the honeybees fall trying to defend their queen and then the hornets steal their larva. the poor bees have absolutely zero defenses against them.

this is the saddest picture I’ve ever put in a Weird Biology article.

well. MOST honeybees, anyway.

the Asian Giant Hornet has exactly one counter, but it’s a fucking good one. it’s-

that’s right, it’s a two-for-one special! hurray, time for bees!

the Japanese Honeybee is pretty identical to the European Honeybee, down to being kept commercially for their honey. but there is one major difference.

if an Asian Giant Hornet scout approaches a Japanese Honeybee hive, the entire beehive is immediately on alert. the Honeybees respond to the Hornet by creating a diabolical and kind of insane trap: they abandon the entrance of the hive, which attracts the Hornet scout into investigating. 

and once the Hornet scout is inside the beehive, it’s TIME FOR BEE MOSH.

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOR

the secretly-metal-as-fuck bees dogpile the Hornet, immobilizing it. the bees then vibrate their flight muscles, generating a massive amount of heat. this causes the mosh pit temperature to skyrocket over 115 F, literally cooking the Hornet scout alive. the bees escape relatively unharmed because they can tolerate much higher temps than Asian Giant Hornets, probably because Metal fills their tiny bee souls. 

with the Hornet scout disposed of, the main invasion force will never arrive. this strategic assassination keeps the beehive safe for another day, and it’s all thanks to murder! yay, bees!

yeah that’s right, RUN, MOTHERFUCKER.

the relationship between Asian Giant Hornets and Japanese Honeybees is a case of ongoing biological warfare. we might learn things from observing, orrr we might not. whatever the case, you have to admit that it’s cool as shit.

so long, Asian Giant Hornet! I hope I never have to type your name again!

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

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IMAGE SOURCES

And people will see this and still be like ‘nah, could never happen here.’