°⋆the same old fears⋆°

And what if I say that when he ran away and stayed with the Potters, when he got together with Remus he felt comfortable and gained some weight.

What if I say that after feeling comfortable in himself, he got a little chub on his stomach and hips, and his thighs grew bigger.

After every summer holiday, Sirius would go crazy with jealousy, wondering who James had met and if he had found more interesting friends than Sirius.

fame au! with sirius as a famous artist who just released his new album and the fans have been cray cray since then. like he can’t walk outside anymore without being crowded

and yk that would make anyone feel unsafe ofc like in general but my man also got trauma. so like people up in his personal space and he has no control and they're touching him and--

enter bodyguard!james who's there to keep him safe, but soon enough he also realizes that he has to keep sirius safe from himself. because sirius has a non existant sleep schedule and sometimes his mental health is bad enough to make him think it’s a good idea to mix alcohol with pills, and yk, the works. especially with all that's been happening lately

and it's flirting during business hours and sirius asking james if he likes his outfit when he's with his designer planning the upcoming tour

it’s james holding sirius and learning how to calm him down, "i know, baby, i know, it’s okay, you’re okay, i'm here, won’t let anyone get to you, let me take that hm? let me take care of you"

and it's sirius waking james up when he has nightmares from his brutal work, them having heartfelt conversations in the middle of the night

mhmm what about this my little crow? ♡

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH YES YES

james being insanely protective over sirius all the time is so canon to me, so bodyguard james is perfect.

i think the main conflict here would be a) professionalism, but we know neither james or sirius give a flying fuck about that, and B) sometimes James is a little too protective and Sirius feels suffocated. he's never been loved like that before, so intensely and wholly, so his natural reaction is to become even more reckless with himself.

its a lot of Sirius testing the limits of how far James will go, and obviously sirius only finds that james is utterly devoted to him.

james protecting sirius from himself yes. James does it all under the guise of 'it's my job to keep you safe' but sirius is pretty sure that bodyguards don't usually meal prep healthy food and schedule therapy appointments.

sirius would do what lady gaga did that one time and have james do some vocals in the background of one of his songs because he thinks james' voice is just so hot.

it doesn't take long for sirius to realise he's been subconsciously writing songs about james, and how he feels about james and now all he can see and hear is jamesjamesjames.

^ and beacuse these are the first love songs he's ever released people start speculating about who they might be about and decide its another celebrity that sirius is friends with (maybe mary or marlene or xeno)

^ and of course this makes james SO jealous. either he knows the songs are about him and he hates that people think that sirius is someone else's, or he doesnt know they're about him and starts to think they are about marlene/mary/xeno too.

then, after a video of james being particularly aggressive with an out of line paparazzi and turning around to be so gentle with sirius, people start shipping them HARD. like so many edits and even fan accounts.

sirius teasing and goading james into manhandling him all the time, "oh the bodygaurd thinks he's sooooo strong? bet i could take yo--" followed promptly by james taking him round the middle and throwing him over his shoulder. (obviously sirius doesn't even try in these 'fights', he knows what he wants and exactly how to get it)

also sirius being fucked in the head so he purposefully does reckless things just to get james' comfort, not realizing he could get that even without hurting himself ...

james first thinks the songs are about mary (because they have always been so close) and then when he realizes they're about him it's no better he still wanna kms because holy shit the jealousy is driving him insane. sirius is his.

james being aggressive with a stranger and then so painstakingly gentle with sirius oml asjxjszjs

remus lupin who has matching bracelets w/ sirius and wears them daily

remus lupin who loves just lazing about in bed n smoking w/ sirius, just getting high n making out

remus lupin who tries to keep the relationship secret but fails miserably because he can’t stop kissing sirius in front of their friends

remus lupin who slow dances with sirius at night when everyone else is asleep

remus lupin who braids sirius’s hair before they play a show w/ their band

He’d hex himself bald before he’d ever say it out loud, but there were some days Sirius ended fighting back tears for no apparent reason. It tormented him.

Days he was especially cruel. Days he fumed and shut down and did something so like her he wanted to crawl out of his own skin.

He supposed it was deserved though. Causing hurt to those around him to mute his own, didn’t make him a very good person.

Arguing with James, shooting glares across the Great Hall at his brother’s friends, getting into a duel over something stupid— It all proved more or less that broken glass could never be mended the same.

“Sirius?”, Shit, he’d been quiet far too long hadn’t he? He kept his head still where it lay on Remus’ chest, maybe he could pretend to be sleeping, “What are you thinking about?”.

Despite himself, Sirius’ body stiffened, tucked away into Remus’ side, hoping he would just drop it.

“Pads?”, Remus’ hand wound into his hair, stroking gently at his scalp, “I know you’re not asleep”.

“Well I want to be, and you’re not really helping”, Sirius said far too sharply.

Remus’ hand stilled, and Sirius felt the long sigh he let out under his cheek. Regret clawed at his chest.

“I didn’t mean to..“, he trailed off when the silence had drawn out, “I’m just—I dunno” what was he supposed to say? I’m sorry for being like this?

He looked up at Remus’ face. Sirius could tell he was irritated, which was fair enough. He hadn’t done anything to deserve getting snapped at.

So why had he? Even after everything, why did he still feel like he was under attack? Like he had to protect himself?

“Remus…”

“Mm?”,

“D’you think.. There’s something wrong with me?”, Sirius was glad they were in the dark, “Sometimes I feel like everything is out to get me. But then I open my eyes and I’ve done something shitty for nothing”. Merlin he was horrible at explaining things.

“Does that make sense?”, He murmured when Remus did not respond.

“Yeah, I think so”, he finally answered, then he lifted Sirius’ chin with his fingers towards him and Sirius prayed he couldn’t feel how his face was heating up, “But I want you to know, you could’ve just told me this,”

“Right here, you’re as safe as it gets,” Remus’ words bounced around the walls of his head, “Okay?”, his thumb started to slowly glide along Sirius’ jaw.

Safe. Like such a thing exists in this world, said a cynical voice in the background, though it did sound suspiciously faint.

And conveniently, for no one at all, this is the tracklist.