my cosmic love, my rarest air

a little excerpt from my sunrise on the reaping wolfstar au <3

read When Again Your Eyes Open, the Sun Will Rise on ao3.

hiii!! i actually really love this take on remus 🥹

he definitely could be an environmental nerd. he reads all those depressing articles about microplastics and climate stuff + the cigarette pack warnings like five times and spirals

he used to smoke here and there in uni (mostly when stressed during exams), but now the graphic images on the packs stress him the fuck out. he’ll be smoking one day and then suddenly stare at the pack like “what if i get lung cancer and sirius has to watch me die” and that’s it. decision made

so yeah, once they move in together he quits completely. cold turkey (or at least tries to). he’s terrified of sirius breathing in secondhand smoke or getting sick because of him. sirius finds it equal parts sweet and dramatic, but he’s so proud of remus for quitting

he teases remus endlessly. he’ll dramatically cough when remus walks by and go “moony… i can feel the ulcers forming already… your toxic aura…” until remus smacks him

remus becomes that annoying ex-smoker who side-eyes anyone smoking near them on the street. if he has an opportunity he starts lecturing about secondhand smoke like a walking public service announcement

he still gets the occasional craving when he’s stressed, but he’ll just chew on a pen or his fingers or go for a long walk instead. sirius helps by keeping the flat super clean and making it smell nice so remus doesn’t associate home with cigarettes anymore

when they start talking about having kids, they both decide to be fully smoke-free. sirius quits too (he was more of a social smoker anyway) and remus becomes that dad who researches air purifiers and lectures everyone about it lmao

years later when their kids are little, remus still has the occasional stressed moment where he craves a cigarette, but then one of the kids coughs and he looks horrified like he personally caused it. sirius just laughs and distracts him with kisses

I said it was a serious question (no joke) because I think queer infertility (generally speaking) is underrepresented in LGBT media and it's a sensitive topic to discuss due to the diversity of situations and people involved; and I think it's a much more complex issue with people who are under the non-binary umbrella, especially those who have gender fluency.

I'm asking you because you always put your heart into whatever you write and pay attention to the details. It would be nice to read it written with such a human touch as yours, but don't feel obligated to do so; as I said, it's a delicate matter that should be treated as such, and speaking from our lack of experience on the situation can be harmful and insensitive. And to be honest, you don't even have to write something related to Wolfstar. Like, yeah, I'd like to see it represented by them because of YOUR portrayal of them, but at the end of the day, you are the one behind all their thoughts, and it would be enough for me just to read your thoughts about what I said, because I think you are someone who is educated on these topics with whom one could talk.

But again, repeating everything I said, you don't have to do it if it's something you don't want to; it's a delicate matter and I would understand if you didn't.

I want to clarify that everything written here came from respect and genuine curiosity without the intention of offending anyone going through this same specific situation.

hi love! first of all, thank you for asking this so gently and thoughtfully. this is quite a delicate topic so i’m glad you feel safe bringing it up

i’ve thought about this before, actually. in the versions where sirius is genderfluid, yes, i do think he would experience dysphoria around not being able to carry or conceive their kids biologically. sirius already carries a lot of complicated feelings about his body and identity, so infertility (or the physical impossibility in this case) would probably hit some tender spots

with my characterization of him, it wouldn’t be constant screaming anguish, but more like quiet and sad waves that come at unexpected times, like seeing remus with a hand on a pregnant friend’s belly, or watching james and lily with harry, or when one of their kids calls remus “daddy” for the first time. sirius definitely feels this ache of “i wish my body could have done that too”. he might get moody or withdrawn for a day or two, or overcompensate by being extra playful with the kids. it’s just that he really wants to make remus happy and inescapably ties the act of “loving” to his own worth; meaning that if he can’t give remus biological children, he’s not a good partner/someone could love remus better or give him more

remus would notice immediately. he’s patient and never tries to fix it with empty reassurances. he’d just hold sirius, let him talk (or not talk), and remind him in small ways that their family is already real and theirs, and that it’s not less because of how they built it. lots of “they’re our babies anyway, aren’t they?” stuff without making it sound like a consolation prize

sirius would grieve it sometimes, but he’d also channel it into being fiercely loving toward their kids. the dysphoria wouldn’t define him as a parent. he’d still be fun, dramatic and protective, and teach them how to curse in three languages, and let them paint his nails

i think the most honest version is that it would be complex and nonlinear. some days he’s completely at peace with their big chosen family. other days the grief and dysphoria sneak up on him and it hurts, and that’s okay. remus being there through both is part of what makes their love feel solid

i’m not going to write a full scene or anything because this is such a personal experience for people and i don’t want to speak over anyone who actually lives it, but i hope these thoughts feel respectful to what you were asking

thing is, i’m not queer, so i’m only speaking from imagination and care, since i’ve got no lived experience. whatever people’s situations are, i genuinely hope they can build the families they want in whatever ways are possible and safe for them, and that they feel loved and happy

hi!!! remus as a nurse is actually perfect for him 🥺 he’s got this competence that makes panicked patients and stressed doctors trust him instantly 100%

he’s insanely good with kids and elderly patients. the way he explains procedures in his soft voice, never talking down to anyone, makes him a favorite on the floor

remus has seen some shit in the er so he’s got a dark sense of humor that only comes out in the break room. he’ll deadpan the wildest stories while eating cold cafeteria pasta

his own chronic illness (lupus or some autoimmune issues in this au) makes him an even better nurse. he understands pain and exhaustion on a personal level, so he’s great at advocating for patients when doctors brush them off (because yeah well real life)

i feel like he’s scarily good at starting ivs on difficult veins

he’s the one who always remembers little details about regular patients, like what their grandkids are up to, their favorite tea, how they like their iv tape secured. the old ladies call him “my boy” or “darling”

burnout is real though. some nights he comes home smelling like antiseptic and barely has the energy to shower before collapsing

remus is surprisingly funny with patients. his dry humor helps anxious people relax, and he has a whole collection of terrible medical-related dad jokes (he uses them on his friends and later on sirius at home)

long-term he thinks about specializing in chronic illness care because he wants to help people like him navigate the system better

he has a collection of thank-you cards from patients and keeps every single one in a shoebox

can’t go without sprinkle of wolfstar:

sirius is brought in by ambulance after a stupid motorcycle accident (obviously). he’s got fractured wrist, road rash, the works. he’s being dramatic and charming in pain when remus walks in to stitch him up

remus is unfazed by sirius’ flirting. he just raises an eyebrow and says “try not to move while i’m putting you back together, yeah?”

sirius keeps coming back for “follow-up visits” that are 100% unnecessary. remus knows it and still schedules him anyway

they start dating after sirius brings remus sandwiches during a brutal 12-hour shift and waits around just to walk him to his car at 2am

sirius loves teasing him about the scrubs (“you look unfairly hot in navy blue, baby”) but gets heart eyes every time remus comes home in them, smelling like hospital soap and looking tired but satisfied

sirius brings him coffee and baked goods for the night shift (also he flirts shamelessly with the old ladies), and remus keeps a little photo of the two of them in his locker for tough days

after bad shifts remus gets quiet and distant. sirius has learned to run him a bath, order his favorite takeout, and just hold him without asking questions until he’s ready to talk

they have a running joke that sirius is “accident-prone” just so he has an excuse to see his boyfriend in scrubs. (he’s banned from the er after the third fake “twisted ankle”)

remus teaches sirius basic first aid and cpr in their living room one weekend. sirius gets distracted by how competent and serious remus looks while demonstrating

they have quiet mornings before remus’ early shifts where sirius makes him breakfast and packs his lunch like a worried housewife. remus kisses his forehead and calls him a sap

hiii baby!!! nail time is the best timeee

honestly i’m voting blue flowers all the way. it sounds so pretty and delicate but still fun, plus blue is such a dreamy color. i feel like it’ll look really elegant and cute on you. strawberries are tempting too but blue flowers just feel softer rn idk

but obviously you should go with whichever one makes you the happiest when you see it!! if your heart says sharks then do the silly little sharks

also! I'm curious, do you think sirius would try to make remus more "cool"? you know, i like to think about remus as a loser (very affectionate) like he has this nerdy vibe and he's not cool in typical meaning like he's maybe awkward but he is kinda hot like that (not gonna lie), and i was thinking about how maybe sirius would like paint his nails or something like that 😭 i feel like I'm forming it not exactly like i think about it but i hope you get what i mean 😭😭 do you maybe have some thoughts about it? 🥺

hiii!!! omg hiii sweetheart it’s so good to hear from you again!! i’m doing okay, happy you popped back in 🫶 and YES i know exactly what you mean with hot loser remus

the most important thing is that sirius never tries to change remus’ core. he just loves peeling back the shy layers so remus can see how attractive his nerdy brand of cool actually is

he starts with little things that feel safe, like showing remus how to roll up his sleeves properly to show-off his veiny forearms or leave one more button undone on his shirts. small stuff that makes remus look a bit more confident without losing his soft energy

sirius definitely tries to get remus into sunglasses. remus keeps pushing them up into his hair but yk what sirius actually finds it very sexy

i’m also a firm believer of sirius being the reading glasses fan. he encourages remus to wear them more instead of switching to contacts all the time. tells him they make him look like a hot professor and remus ends up wearing them almost 24/7

when they go out, sirius is always fixing remus’ collar or ruffling his hair so he looks a bit more undone and goes like, “there. now you look like you just got laid”

he also will casually drape remus’ arm around his own shoulders or waist in public so remus stops doing that awkward half-hug thing (😔)

remus lets sirius pierce his ear one drunk night. it gets infected and sirius feels so guilty he brings remus his favorite takeout and does all the chores for a week

painting nails absolutely becomes their ritual!! sirius does it while they’re listening to music on the floor, talking about nothing. remus gets a little bit embarrassed at first but in the end he smiles the whole time and keeps the color on for days

they both get tiny tattoos behind their ears (star for remus, moon for sirius). remus is kinda nervous the whole time (because of the ear piercing accident lol) but sirius makes sure the tattoo artist is a professional and holds remus’ hand and tells him it looks hot as fuck

sirius gets really into remus’ obscure literature knowledge at the beginning of their relationship. he starts asking him to recommend books and then shows up to their next date quoting lines from them. it makes remus feel seen and a little bit proud of his nerdiness

sirius hypes him up constantly. saying things like “you look really good like this, moony” when remus tries the slightly messier hair or the new jacket, or encouraging remus to speak up more in group settings because he knows how smart and funny remus is and wants other people to see it too

when remus feels awkward or out of place, sirius stays close, hand on his lower back, whispering little affirmations like “you’re doing great, baby” instead of trying to “fix” him

sirius loves showing remus off. he’ll drag him to parties and whisper “don’t slouch, darling, you’re the hottest one here” while remus awkwardly sips his drink

deep down sirius doesn’t actually want remus to stop being a “loser”. he loves the nerdy rambles, the way remus trips over his words when nervous, the old man clothes. the “cooling up” is just sirius’ way of hyping him up

remus lets sirius do it because it makes sirius so happy. plus he secretly enjoys the attention and how sirius’ eyes light up when he actually wears the tight fitted shirt sirius put on him

at the end of the day sirius tells him “you don’t need to be cool, baby, you already are. i just like spoiling the world a little”