my cosmic love, my rarest air

a little excerpt from my sunrise on the reaping wolfstar au <3

read When Again Your Eyes Open, the Sun Will Rise on ao3.

simiarly, one of my biggest headcannons is remus with ocd. i see him constantly worrying about everything, having little rituals he has to perform and if he doesent he'll spiral out if control.

id like to know ur thoughts on this! sorry for ramblinggg

heyy!! no need to apologize for rambling, i love when people share their hcs like this 🫶 i actually really like both of these! they feel very fitting

sirius with adhd makes so much sense. he’s the type to hyperfixate hard on something (motorcycles, a new band, a random hobby) for three weeks straight and then drop it completely. his brain is running on twelve tabs at once

in daily life he’s chaotic as well. he starts ten projects and finishes none, loses his keys daily, but when he’s interested in something he becomes scarily competent

remus becomes his longest and strongest hyperfixation lol. once he falls for moony it’s game over. he can sit and listen to remus talk about some obscure book for hours even if he doesn’t understand half of it

james is the best at gently pulling sirius back when he spirals into hyperfocus and forgets to eat or sleep. peter just enables him

sirius’ adhd makes him an absolute menace in the kitchen. he’ll start cooking something ambitious, get distracted by a youtube video about whatever, and remus comes home to three half-chopped vegetables and a burnt pan

sirius’ rejection sensitivity makes arguments brutal for him. even a slightly annoyed tone from remus can send him into a shame spiral. remus learns to be extra gentle and use clear words like “i’m frustrated but i’m not mad at you / leaving you”

remus with ocd is heartbreakingly good as well. the constant background worry, the little rituals (checking the stove exactly three times, tapping the door handle a certain way, needing things to be “just right”), and the spiral when they get interrupted are just so fitting

he’s the type to lie awake at night worrying about ridiculous worst-case scenarios (what if the plane crashes, what if i said something wrong three days ago and they hate me now). he tries so hard to hide it because he doesn’t want to be a burden, which only makes the anxiety worse

sirius helps remus a lot. when remus starts spiraling, sirius will gently take his hands and say “come on love, let’s go outside for five minutes” and it usually works better than anything else

sirius loves remus’ brain exactly as it is. he’ll say stuff like “your brain is a dick sometimes but it’s my favorite dick” which makes remus laugh even when he’s anxious

late at night when remus can’t sleep because of intrusive thoughts, sirius will put on a documentary about something boring and hold him until he drifts off

remus becomes sirius’ unofficial anchor too. he’s the one who gently reminds him to eat, helps him finish projects, and creates soft routines that work with sirius’ adhd brain instead of fighting it

they’re very patient with each other. sirius learns every single one of remus’ rituals without making fun of them. he’ll quietly help count or wait patiently while remus does what he needs to do

sometimes he’ll even incorporate himself into them (“tap my hand three times too, moony, i’m part of your system now”)

they even have a shared calendar because sirius forgets everything. remus colors it all nicely and adds funny reminders like “sirius stop buying plants. you will kill them”

during intimate moments sirius’ restlessness makes him playful and teasing, while remus needs things a certain way (order of touches, specific words, etc). they meet in the middle and it becomes this deeply trusting, attentive thing

they balance each other in such a tender way. sirius helps remus loosen the grip of the rituals, and remus helps sirius stay grounded when his brain is going 300 mph

hiii!! i actually really love this take on remus 🥹

he definitely could be an environmental nerd. he reads all those depressing articles about microplastics and climate stuff + the cigarette pack warnings like five times and spirals

he used to smoke here and there in uni (mostly when stressed during exams), but now the graphic images on the packs stress him the fuck out. he’ll be smoking one day and then suddenly stare at the pack like “what if i get lung cancer and sirius has to watch me die” and that’s it. decision made

so yeah, once they move in together he quits completely. cold turkey (or at least tries to). he’s terrified of sirius breathing in secondhand smoke or getting sick because of him. sirius finds it equal parts sweet and dramatic, but he’s so proud of remus for quitting

he teases remus endlessly. he’ll dramatically cough when remus walks by and go “moony… i can feel the ulcers forming already… your toxic aura…” until remus smacks him

remus becomes that annoying ex-smoker who side-eyes anyone smoking near them on the street. if he has an opportunity he starts lecturing about secondhand smoke like a walking public service announcement

he still gets the occasional craving when he’s stressed, but he’ll just chew on a pen or his fingers or go for a long walk instead. sirius helps by keeping the flat super clean and making it smell nice so remus doesn’t associate home with cigarettes anymore

when they start talking about having kids, they both decide to be fully smoke-free. sirius quits too (he was more of a social smoker anyway) and remus becomes that dad who researches air purifiers and lectures everyone about it lmao

years later when their kids are little, remus still has the occasional stressed moment where he craves a cigarette, but then one of the kids coughs and he looks horrified like he personally caused it. sirius just laughs and distracts him with kisses

I said it was a serious question (no joke) because I think queer infertility (generally speaking) is underrepresented in LGBT media and it's a sensitive topic to discuss due to the diversity of situations and people involved; and I think it's a much more complex issue with people who are under the non-binary umbrella, especially those who have gender fluency.

I'm asking you because you always put your heart into whatever you write and pay attention to the details. It would be nice to read it written with such a human touch as yours, but don't feel obligated to do so; as I said, it's a delicate matter that should be treated as such, and speaking from our lack of experience on the situation can be harmful and insensitive. And to be honest, you don't even have to write something related to Wolfstar. Like, yeah, I'd like to see it represented by them because of YOUR portrayal of them, but at the end of the day, you are the one behind all their thoughts, and it would be enough for me just to read your thoughts about what I said, because I think you are someone who is educated on these topics with whom one could talk.

But again, repeating everything I said, you don't have to do it if it's something you don't want to; it's a delicate matter and I would understand if you didn't.

I want to clarify that everything written here came from respect and genuine curiosity without the intention of offending anyone going through this same specific situation.

hi love! first of all, thank you for asking this so gently and thoughtfully. this is quite a delicate topic so i’m glad you feel safe bringing it up

i’ve thought about this before, actually. in the versions where sirius is genderfluid, yes, i do think he would experience dysphoria around not being able to carry or conceive their kids biologically. sirius already carries a lot of complicated feelings about his body and identity, so infertility (or the physical impossibility in this case) would probably hit some tender spots

with my characterization of him, it wouldn’t be constant screaming anguish, but more like quiet and sad waves that come at unexpected times, like seeing remus with a hand on a pregnant friend’s belly, or watching james and lily with harry, or when one of their kids calls remus “daddy” for the first time. sirius definitely feels this ache of “i wish my body could have done that too”. he might get moody or withdrawn for a day or two, or overcompensate by being extra playful with the kids. it’s just that he really wants to make remus happy and inescapably ties the act of “loving” to his own worth; meaning that if he can’t give remus biological children, he’s not a good partner/someone could love remus better or give him more

remus would notice immediately. he’s patient and never tries to fix it with empty reassurances. he’d just hold sirius, let him talk (or not talk), and remind him in small ways that their family is already real and theirs, and that it’s not less because of how they built it. lots of “they’re our babies anyway, aren’t they?” stuff without making it sound like a consolation prize

sirius would grieve it sometimes, but he’d also channel it into being fiercely loving toward their kids. the dysphoria wouldn’t define him as a parent. he’d still be fun, dramatic and protective, and teach them how to curse in three languages, and let them paint his nails

i think the most honest version is that it would be complex and nonlinear. some days he’s completely at peace with their big chosen family. other days the grief and dysphoria sneak up on him and it hurts, and that’s okay. remus being there through both is part of what makes their love feel solid

i’m not going to write a full scene or anything because this is such a personal experience for people and i don’t want to speak over anyone who actually lives it, but i hope these thoughts feel respectful to what you were asking

thing is, i’m not queer, so i’m only speaking from imagination and care, since i’ve got no lived experience. whatever people’s situations are, i genuinely hope they can build the families they want in whatever ways are possible and safe for them, and that they feel loved and happy