my cosmic love, my rarest air

a little excerpt from my sunrise on the reaping wolfstar au <3

read When Again Your Eyes Open, the Sun Will Rise on ao3.

oh yes yes yes 100% remus is obsessed with the idea. i think their first time is slow, careful, and a little awkward (but like in the most endearing way). both of them are nervous: sirius because it’s all new and he doesn’t want to disappoint, remus because he’s terrified of rushing or hurting him. they undress each other with shaky hands, stopping every few seconds to kiss and check in. remus keeps his mouth on sirius’ face the whole time (soft kisses on his cheeks, his jaw, the tip of his nose, his closed eyelids). every time he touches a new place he whispers “is this okay?” and waits for sirius’ little nod or breathy “yes.” sirius gets flushed and shy but he loves how patient remus is and how safe he feels with this boy.

they talk a lot, which surprises both of them. small, quiet conversations in between caresses. remus asks stuff like “tell me if anything feels strange” and sirius laughs softly when remus’ fingers tickle his side by accident. that little laugh breaks the tension and they both relax more. remus takes his time exploring sirius’ body with gentle hands and mouth, learning what makes his breath hitch or his fingers tighten in remus’ hair. sirius is so responsive, arching into every touch, and remus feels this overwhelming rush of love and protectiveness every time sirius lets out a surprised sound. he keeps murmuring sweet things like “you’re doing so well,” “it feels so nice” etc.

obviously there are moments where they have to pause and adjust, whispering and laughing quietly at how clumsy they both are, but throughout the whole process, remus stays so attentive, stroking sirius’ hair, kissing his face, asking if he’s comfortable, if he wants to slow down or change anything.

and of course remus carries that night with him forever. being sirius’ first in every way (first love, first intimate touch, maybe even first kiss, because i love this hc as well. virgin sirius all the way) makes him feel deeply lucky. he loves watching sirius discover what he likes. also i see him as the person who keeps a secret mental list of all their firsts, like first time they held hands in public, first time sirius fell asleep on his chest, first time he let remus undress him completely without getting shy. he never says it out loud but it makes him stupidly emotional :,( so yeah. they’re just silly little boys in love.

hiii love, first of all you're not bothering me at all. this is a really big and scary decision, it's completely normal to feel lost and anxious about it. i'm really sorry your parents are putting that kind of pressure on you

i'll be honest with you. when i was choosing my path i didn't have a clear passion either. i picked something “safe” and useful because philology was a free program and my family (i’m the eldest of three) couldn’t afford to pay for my education. and while i didn't hate it, i also didn’t exactly love it. i finished uni but i did regret not choosing something closer to what actually interested me (translations, writing/script writing, creative stuff). philology turned out to be way more boring than i thought, but i’m glad i finished uni and got higher education anyway

first of all, you don't have to decide your entire life right now. many people change careers later. university is important but it's not a life sentence, and what’s the most important is just to get an education so after that you can find a normal job (if that’s what you need/want)

languages are a real strength! you could combine them with something practical like translation, international relations, linguistics + another field, teaching, tourism, even working in science/medicine as a medical translator or researcher. it doesn't have to be “just languages”. idk about your parents as people, but maybe you could try to explain the whole concept to them. maybe they would be open to a conversation about what you actually enjoy. sometimes explaining the “i'm scared of being unhappy for decades” part helps them understand

if your parents are really set on doctor/science, maybe look for compromises. is there a science field that has language components? or could you do a science degree and keep languages as a minor/hobby? i mean, the fear of hating it forever is valid, so try to choose something that at least won't make you miserable??? talk to people who are already studying or working in those fields to imagine what a normal day looks like

you sound thoughtful and self-aware, which is already a really good sign! it's okay if you don't have a burning passion yet, a lot of us don't at your age. try to find something that feels interesting enough and gives you options later

i'm rooting for you so much. whatever you choose, you'll figure it out. and if it doesn't feel right later, you can always pivot. you've got time!!!