Bitter didn't even begin to describe what Jason felt. He thought he'd been through it all, growing up in the streets, his life getting ripped away from him by a clown in a pimp suit, becoming a soldier for the league of assassins. And finally, with his freedom, all he could think to do was make the only person who ever loved him suffer. Yeah sure, he blamed Bruce for his untimely death, but would he have fared much better fending for himself in the alley? Maybe he just wanted to be seen, which meant he finally understood why Dick was such an angsty teen.
The thought made Jason laugh. He once thought Dick was insane for always getting into it with Bruce. After all, he was their hero, right? But here he was, doing far worse than his adopted brother ever did, and all for Daddy's attention. Fucking pathetic. And to make it worse, when Bruce finally saw him and all his unforgivable deeds, the look of dread on his face could've killed Jason all over again.
Bruce didn't even question it when the mask came off. He didn't curse and say there was no way he was Jason. Jason didn't even say who he was. He did a whole dramatic speech, removing the mask. "Oh, you don't remember me, Dad?"
Bruce did remember, immediately removing his own cowl. "... Jay?" He reached for his face. Jason let him. He traced the scars with his thumb. Jason let him.
Bruce didn't scream and call him a monster like Jason thought he would. No. When the mask finally came off to reveal the terrible crime lord Red Hood was one of Batman's greatest failures, all Bruce could do was cry. He'd never seen him cry before. Oh and how he apologized- The Batman doesn't apologize! So who the fuck was that who fell to Jason's feet, gasping for air as he begged to be forgiven? Forgiven for turning him into this.
Worst of all. Jason felt terrible. His heart sank to his feet as he watched his father crumble with guilt. He probably could've killed The Bat with how distraught the man was. Hell, it seemed like he was a few steps from begging for it, but it never crossed his mind. The only thing he could think was how much he wanted him to stand up. Stand up! Get it together! Tell him that he's a disappointment! That he's the problem! Don't fold like this for a dead kid!
Of course, Jason said none of it. He thinks he actually laughed if he remembered correctly. The whole thing was blurry, but the chuckle was less from humor, and more from shock. Shock that the mighty Batman was kneeling to him, reaching out for his little boy that died all those years ago. Shock that after all that shit he went through, all he wanted was for Bruce to tell him it was okay. That he was still his 'Jaybird.' He felt so so weak. He felt pitied. He felt like... A mistake.
Jason ran. If he had to sit there and watch Bruce break down any longer, he surely would've ended up on the ground sobbing as well. He actually wanted to apologize, as crazy as it was. Not particularly for Red Hood's unsavory deeds, but for putting Bruce through so much. It was incredible how after all this time he still strived to please him. He still, deep down, wanted to be accepted by him. He was still nothing but a child who craved approval. Who wanted to be loved unconditionally by someone. Bruce was the closest to any of that he ever had. Apparently he still loved him. Strange thought. Painful thought.
Red Hood's activities got less Bat targeted. He just focused on making his own. It was only a matter of time before Dick started knocking down his door for them to work together, to at least talk to each other. Jason ultimately folded, Dick as charismatic and persuasive as ever. He didn't even seem to care that he was who he was. That he put him and Bruce through so much shit. He just wanted his brother back apparently. That's what he said. Jason didn't really believe it at first, but the longer Nightwing imposed himself, the less reason he had to doubt it.
It was the strangest thing. Jason actually started to think, that maybe... just maybe... he could have a family again.
An: this was supposed to be like all angst because I feel like a crazy person rn but cannot help it they need to be happy! Like no one was ever really on his side and that's just so so bleak. But Bruce does love you Jason and you will know it!
Idk maybe we all need a little hope. But i think I got the message across. We all just wanna be loved unconditionally. It's so hard to find that. It's never where it should be. But Jason has it so I'm rooting for him.
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