A MAN IS JUST A MAN

                                               I WON’T FALL FOR IT        

     The Hokage was almost too stunned to speak. “ You—you can’t just say stuff like that! Do you know how many complaints I’ve gotten because of you? ”

          BILE ROSE IN HER STOMACH AS HE continued to spill words and thoughts almost as if she were not there to listen to them. How could he speak about marriage and children in such nonchalant way? As if they were objects he could simply buy and have for fun, things he could control and manipulate to his liking, to fulfill some selfish desire to perpetuate the sharingan. Sasuke spoke of having a family as one would talk about breeding dogs in order to keep certain traits and have the best animal possible. It was disgusting.

          SAKURA GRITTED HER TEETH, HANDS closing and opening as she listened to his rambling. She highly doubted the big clans would willingly give up their daughters in order to marry a man as unstable as Sasuke. However, she also knew their hunger for power could be unscrupulous, and therefore the Uchiha’s speech of producing powerful shinobi could sound appealing to the ears of some senseless clan leader.  ❝Why is it so important to keep the sharingan alive? That shouldn’t be something you cared about, given how eager you are to die.❞ Anger bled into her emerald eyes as she stared at him,  ❝Naruto worked very hard in order to give you as much freedom as possible, and yet you say you want them to kill you. Is it because you want them to live with your blood on their hands? Or would you like Naruto to live with the knowledge that he killed you? Because I hardly think that if you wanted so much to die you wouldn’t have found a way to die already.❞ A frown marred her delicate visage as she watched his once dear features,  ❝I get the feeling the only way you’d agree with death was if you knew Naruto would forever suffer your loss, perhaps torturing himself with the guilt of not being capable of saving you?❞ 

           PERHAPS SHE SHOULD NOT BE DISCUSSING such matters with him, but there was something sadistically satisfying about talking about his death in such nonchalant manner; Sakura knew she would later regret and feel disgusted with herself, but for now she would allow herself to feel absolutely nothing and simply analyze the situation as Sasuke did. ❝You should know neither Aburame, nor Yamanaka or Akimichi would offer you a wife the way you want. You speak as if they’re animals, which I’m sure they would find very offensive. The only clan I could see doing such thing is the Hyuga, but Hiashi-sama has changed quite a lot, which means even he would not be so soulless as to offer a girl for you to breed.❞ She spat the last word as it were a foul venom, disgusted at herself for even speaking about a woman in such way, ❝no woman would subject herself to giving birth to children only for them to be treated as an object, a conquest by their own father.❞

sasuke’s a little confused, at first -- like, why’s sakura so mad about this, his detachment from this tactical plan about his life, this fate he’s half-expecting, totally resigned to, and dreading? it wouldn’t affect her. and then he realises: she thinks he wants this. it’s so shocking, really, to him: the thought that he’d want a wife, that he was attracted to women, that marriage to her isn’t something transactional, that he wants to be a father, that he wants the uchiha line to continue... it’s all so off-base, it’s hilarious. 

he can’t help himself, he barks out a laugh, and it startles him so much he can’t control himself, winding himself up into hysterical laughter. there’s nothing funny about it, but the sheer absurdity of the idea that sasuke has ever done anything he wanted is so ludicrous he doesn’t know how to stop. he’d been surrounded by people who knew him for so long that he forgot about all the things people didn’t know. 

“ fuck! ” he panted, choking on his giggles as he tried to swallow them down, “ oh, wow. fuck. fuck me. that’s... wow. where to start. SAKURA, i am attracted to men. exclusively. you think i want a wife to fuck? i am so messed up i can barely get it up long enough to grab hold of it, let alone breed someone. shit. i, y’know, ” he curls his fingers into a circle and tries to make a lewd gesture with only one hand, “ usually take it up the ass. i’m sorry for laughing but like, ” he gestures to himself, “ i thought you knew. 

“ and, seriously? you asked me what i think konoha should do. that’s a different question to what i want. if i’d wanted to have kids i would have probably been a little more receptive to your... advances. or i’d already have them with karin. hashirama himself knows how she’s fucking frothing at the mouth for them. 

“ i don’t give a shit about the sharingan or the uchiha. trust me, however sick you think you are of clan politics, i am infinitely more sick of it than you. like i said, i’m counting down the days to my death with glee. I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DIE. do you get it? i’m being surveilled every moment of my life. if i do anything that could possibly look like a suicide attempt, including choking on my own fucking food because i don’t chew it long enough, i’m ‘rescued’ and punished. i’m not even allowed to have bedsheets at the moment. ” at some point his humour has metastasised into vitriol and he can’t rein it in. he’s tired and angry and missing his friends and missing his life and missing his chakra and missing his sense of direction and missing himself and it’s all he can do most days to not shut down completely. 

@uchjha​   /   sc.

                            “––––you’re  emotions bind  you,”  a  simple  observation, “–––don’t  you  want  to  be  rid  of  them?  it’s  easy.”