sastiel truther

like in many many ways dean is patriarchal misogynistic violence embodied while sam suffers from gendered violence in the absence of a cis woman to get raped for the camera but under my despotic regime dean has sublimated longing to be the cis woman getting raped for the camera while sam wants to be the man swooping in to rescue her so does this make sense. i’m three steps removed from wandering in the desert receiving visions from cactus juice don’t listen to me

sam wants to be Free but he can’t be free as a hunter so he needs to be Normal. at stanford he's Normal, but then, surprise, jess is dead, you're back in hunting, and you can’t be normal and you never were. so, okay, if i can’t be normal, i’ll be Good but then, surprise, you have demon blood, you can’t be Good and you never were. so then he’s like, okay, if i can’t be Good, i’ll atone by doing good but then, surprise. the demon blood and exorcisms are a trick, and you're not doing good and you never were. so he's like, okay, if i can’t atone like this, i'll Sacrifice myself. but surprise! that doesn’t take. okay, sam. start over. he wants to be free so he needs to be Normal, but then dean comes back from purgatory. and surprise! he already knows he can’t be good. so i’ll Atone through the god trials and Sacrifice myself. but surprise! it doesn't take. okay, sam. start over. do you see my problem

sastiel where you would think that Cas is the one to blow out the lights with his powers but it ends up being Sam, who hasn't used his powers since before the Cage and thought they were gone, shocking them both.