SEE U IN HELL I GUESS

Reblog to have something good happen at 1:42 tomorrow

*torturing you* dude trust me, something really cool happens. you just have to reflect on it for a bit. i'm doing this because i want you to reach your full potential okay?

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

Then bring me luck

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

Hey Potato, cure my -ing cold so I can have a good time while away.

Here's the potato. Make what use of it you will. :)

"is this an incest thing" we can only hope so

TIME CAST A SPELL ON YOU 🔥🔥🔥 BUT YOU WON'T FORGET ME 💯💯💯 I KNOW I COULD'VE LOVED YOU 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 BUT YOU WON'T LET ME 💔💔💔💔💔 I'LL FOLLOW YOU DOWN‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ TIL THE SOUND OF MY VOICE WILL HAUNT YOU 🔥🔥🔥🔥 YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY FROM THE SOUND OF THE WOMAN THAT LOVES YOU‼️‼️‼️‼️🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣💯💯💯💯

saw team usa men’s hockey at the espys last night…jesus maybe it’s a good thing they got rid of the suit dress code for games bc wtf was that

just saw the women’s team…….all is well

me after drinking another suspiciously green martini that makes me bedridden: "i hope the next one is apple flavor instead of poison flavor"

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me