𝙺𝙴𝙴𝙻𝙰𝙷 𝚂𝙴'𝙻𝙰𝙸.

*𝙶𝙾 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝙿𝚃𝙸𝙲𝚂!   an independent writing blog for tali’zorah vas normandy of bioware’s mass effect franchise.   canon compliant + mature themes.   as loved by tee:  23, she/her.   𝙶𝚄𝙸𝙳𝙴.   𝙳𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙴𝚁.   #𝚃𝚉𝙾𝚁𝙰𝙷

@tzorah​​.     a  post - war  hospital  visit.

❝     this  is  your  first  time  being  on  earth,  right     ?     ❞     

john’s  gaze  was  fixated  on  the  window,  slightly  smudged  with  dirt,  but  clear  enough  to  eye  a  few  reaper  husks  on  the  horizon.  part  of  him  wondered  how  the  hell  they  were  getting  those  up  and  out  of  here.  it  would  take  years  to  form  london  back  to  how  it  was  before  the  war…  and  despite  being  bedridden  and  nearly  dying     (  again     )     ,  he  really  wished  he  could  be  out  there  helping.

he  turns  to  her,  scooching  over  and  patting  the  bed  beside  him.  there  were  chairs  in  the  corner,  against  the  wall,  that  were  plenty  stable  enough  to  sit  on.  but  then  she’d  be  on  the  other  side  of  the  room,  and  he  preferred  to  keep  their  talks  soft  and  to  themselves.

where words are concerned?   there are none.   not in her language  (nor his)  that could be considered,  even remotely,  enough.   perhaps they would invent new ones:  words that those who hadn’t stood where they stand now could never hope to understand.   let that be their gift to the universe.   like he is hers.   ❝ 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜. ❞   the quarian’s voice sounds fragile enough to break.

@tzorah​.  continued  from.

john  doesn’t  push,  doesn’t  interrupt  her,  simply  watches  as  she  paces  a  hole  in  the  floor  of  his  cabin.  they  didn’t  have  many  stolen  moments,  where  the  two  of  them  could  just  talk.  the  state  of  the  galaxy  was  in  dire  need  right  now,  and  the  only  person  who  could  remedy  that  was  commander  shepard  himself.  a  mighty  large  shoe  to  stand  in.  arms  come  to  fold  across  a  broad  chest,  the  commander  leaning  against  the  nearest  solid  object  as  she  speaks,  a  blue  gaze  set  ‘pon  her  person.      

❝     have  i  ever  told  you  you  apologize  too  much     ?     ❞     his  tone  is  light  when  he  speaks,  complete  opposite  of  what  he  currently  held  within  himself  at  the  moment.  of  course  no  bad  feelings  were  in  her  direction,  more  so  everything  happening  in  their  worlds  right  now.  he  brings  in  a  sigh,  eyes  downcast  a  moment  before  lifting  to  meet  her  mask.      ❝     you  can  talk  to  me.  yeah,  sure,  i’m  your  CO,  but  i’m  also  your  friend.     ❞     there  was  no  reason  for  secrecy  in  this  situation.

❝ ... 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚒𝚌𝚎. ❞   tali admits,  deadpan & reluctant.   there is a voice that lives in her head that sounds dreadfully like her father:  it warns her to remember her station.   on this ship,  as a quarian,  in life.   shepard is a beckoning call that gives tali permission to do otherwise.   she had never felt so alive as she did during their hunt for saren.   never felt so empty as when she heard news of her captain’s death.   some nights,  tali still worries he might disappear again ---   into smoke,  or back into the cosmos.   but this evening,  in the artificial blue aquarium glow,  he looks more alive than he ever has.   it comforts her.

❝ 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚍, 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 ... ❞   not what?   easy?   oh keelah,  that would’ve be an understatement.   she paces ---  spending her nerves on footsteps.   it was a less daunting task than looking him in the eye.   all sorts of trouble resided there.   ❝ 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎. ❞   she breathes out an exasperated sigh;  it sounds long-held.   and oh,  it is.   all of it is.   what she wants to say remains unsaid,  painfully so.   the sentiment gets stuck in her throat.   ❝ 𝚒 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 --- 𝚒 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 ... 𝚘𝚑, 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚑. ❞   to push him away is the last thing tali wants.   she had spent two years begging for him to come back.   and now that he is?   she still cannot put voice to her desires.   there is guilt in having such feelings at all.   they have their mission,  that should be her priority.   ❝ 𝚒'𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚍. ❞   the apology arrives unrequested,  but tali feels like she owes him one.

@tzorah​

The aircraft tore through terrain as finely as a chisel through wood. It ruptured the earth in an avalanche of dirt and rock, beating deafeningly against the sides of the vessel. Adrenaline shot through her body, heart in her throat. She was pressing buttons with a frantic focus whilst alarms blared all around her. The words “critical engine damage” flashed in big red letters across a cracked screen, her forward view obscured by debris and a great, billowing cloud of black smoke haemorrhaging from the engine.

Gradually the jet lost its momentum. It slowed until at last it could not contend with the solid earth. She braced for impact as it came to a violent stop, body jolting against the wheel. A sharp pain shot up her side, but she barely felt it in the moment, and fell back into her seat with a shudder, lying limp in a cloud of dust and smoke. Her chest heaved with each heavy breath, sweat pouring down the sides of her face, fogging her helmet’s shield. She waited. She didn’t trust that it was over. Any moment now she would hear Alliance fighters landing nearby, and they would search the wreckage and find her and it would all be over. But nobody came. They had not followed her.

In the wreckage, she unclipped her belts and slowly sat up, forcing open the jet roof with a hard thump with her forearm. The airlock gave way with a hiss and opened outwards, exposing her to the atmosphere. It hurt to lift herself out of her seat, one hand flying to her ribs. They felt bruised, possibly broken, but that wouldn’t matter if she couldn’t figure out where she was, or what she was going to do next. With any luck, she had crash landed on a inhabited planet and she could find help, but if she was alone here, she wasn’t sure she had any hope of surviving without sending out an SOS, and she felt for certain that the Alliance would be the ones to pick her up then. 

As she slid down the crumpled side of the aircraft, she caught sight of a bright light through the smoke and moved her hand to her pistol in its holster. She couldn’t see who it was, but it was coming towards her, and as she continued to observe them, more lights began to appear. Small, circular lights. The kind people wore on the tops of their heads. Then she heard it. A garbled, robotic noise that she couldn’t make sense of, but knew exactly what it was. 

Geth. Fuck my life.

She limped around the back of the crashed vessel and slumped against its side for cover. If they found her, she wasn’t sure she would win. Not when all she had was a pistol with only a few sparing clips left over.

But damn it, she was going to try!

tali stands on hostile soil.   it wasn’t always as such,  but those times had been lost to legend.   this cluster belonged to the geth,  now.   her squad is a scattered shadow at her side ---  disorganised,  unruly.   leadership suits her poorly,  and they all seem to notice.   but her pilgrimage had been heralded a historic victory,  affording her a posting decades outside of her own experience.   news of commander shepard’s victory on the citadel had reached the fleet,  to much celebration.   with a quarian at her side?   the triumph became a personal one,  especially against the geth.   that was the official story.   this victory,  alongside the geth data that they had managed to retrieve saw tali bolstered through the ranks.   shepard’s hero status seemed to have rubbed off on her,  even after the woman’s death.   perhaps even more-so.   but the reality of it was this:  tali was young,  grieving,  and well & truly out of her depth.   but keelah,  she will try.   she will beg for courage. the crash is thunderous.   profanity echoes from out vocal modulators,  weapons raised to sudden attention.   tali’s own shotgun picks-up to match,  but her mouth remains shut:  she is waiting for something.   gunfire?  another explosion?   nothing good,  to be certain.   instead,  after slight delay,  there is a distress signal.   ❝ 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑! ❞   tali demands,  attempting to silence the nervous chatter ---  it’s a rather shallow,  ineffective impersonation.   ❝ 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 ... 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎. ❞   the room falls to stillness,  at that.   tali feels like she’s seeing ghosts.   but what is an alliance ship doing in geth space?   argument rises from the silence,  her team immediately starting to bicker over the signal’s legitimacy.   it takes tali longer than it should to remember herself.   ❝ 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎. ❞   she instructs,  decidedly.   some of them look at her like she’s crazy.   what if it’s a trap?   ❝ 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚙𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚣𝚊. ❞   tali sharply reminds the loudest of the bunch,  to which he has little rebut.   and into the shuttle they go:  making quick pace.

*𝙿𝙷𝚈𝚂𝙸𝙲𝙰𝙻 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽𝚂. outlined below are some small headcanons i’ve developed while writing tali in regards to her biology and physical appearance!!! none of these are canon, but they do heavily factor into my portrayal. 𝟶𝟶𝟷: appearance.  i don’t have any particularly strong feelings in terms of what quarians look like under their suits, as it feels mostly irrelevant to my portrayal of tali. as such, my canon depiction of her will reflect bioware’s updated character design for her in the picture she gives a romanced shepard. 𝟶𝟶𝟸: complexion. this ties directly to her revealed appearance, but tali’s natural skin colour is a pale, pinkish grey. to match this colouring, i believe quarians bleed a much paler, translucent blood. i also headcanon that the markings on tali’s forehead are biological: remnants of ancestral exchanges of pollen with plant life on the homeworld. 𝟶𝟶𝟹: eyesight.  quarians have a noticeable glowing gaze, which i take to understand as them having nocturnal origins. this natural cycle was disrupted + evolved after 300 years on the flotilla, in artificial conditions. tali is accustomed to a similar day / night cycle as humans, but her vision is notably impressive in lowlight conditions and she takes well to working in the night.

Shepard … Of course Shepard did. She’s not surprised in the least; more so, she should have expected something of the sort. It’s terribly in character for the dear Commander, after all. “ His hero. ” Voice low, her tone bleeds sarcasm, yet she offers nothing more on the subject. There’s nothing to say, and nothing she can do. Besides, she doesn’t care about any of it. People on Omega are free to leave however they please, unless she needs them. She doesn’t care who pays for their tickets off the station as long as someone does. Omega is a free city, and she takes pride in it.

“ I’m aware of the —- rumors, going about your species.” Oh, she’s heard. It’s hard not to, in the first place. Hard when you have ears everywhere, and people talk. The truth is, she does not care about rumors. More often than not, if those are about herself she encourages them. It gives an air of mystery that helps with her own reputation. “ Truly, though, if I am willing to hire batarians,” famous in the whole galaxy for their charming personality, “ I should have no problems in hiring quarians as well. Rumors are just that, Tali’Zorah, rumors. I care about what you can do, and your species has some of the best mechanics in the whole galaxy. ” She pauses, purses her lips briefly. Most of the times, the problem is she simply struggles to find quarians in the first place (and boy, did she try). There are not many of them, on Omega. Still, even if there were, she suspects the situation would be reversed. They’d mistrust her, in the first place, with her reputation. When Aria T’Loak is looking for you, it’s rarely good. “ I don’t care about what other species think. If you can get the job done the way I want it done, then you’re an asset to me. Simple as that. ”

tali stiffens.   her nerves subside:  aggravation flooding to take their place.   aria is formidable  ( put mildly ),  but the tone she adapts when speaking of shepard makes the engineer forget her fear.   call her both protective and a fool ---  for the people that she loves,  tali is both.   ❝ 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚘. ❞   she speaks to this firmly,  devoid of reluctance or doubt.   she regains a more proper control of her tone,  after the fact.   ❝ 𝚒 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚎𝚛. ❞   tali points out.   despite her sarcasm,  the asari must note something of worth in their commander.   it was difficult not to ...  ask anyone but the council.

@tzorah asked:  not bad for a human.

she laughs and the sound is wild.  it carries over the chaos of the moment, the gunfire and shouting. the captain drops behind the stacked metal boxes that make up half the docking bay. her leathered fingers are already reloading, the thermal clip kicked to the side. call her crazy  …  but she loves this. it makes her feel hot, alive  -  definitely not fucking frozen. hawthorne slams the new thermal clip in and winks at the quarian.

“ careful now, ”  she shifts back to leaning on a knee, ducking once as a shot flies high over their heads.  “ you’re liable to give me a big head. we get those easy. ”

❝ 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚍! ❞   adrenaline sings:  audible through her vocal modulator,  and sending tali’s voice clear & high above the calamity.   * of that?   there is plenty.   trouble seems to find the young quarian,  the more recent frequency of which she likes to blame on her company.   but now?   ... it was starting to feel personal.   ❝ 𝚘𝚑, 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚑. ❞   she mutters,  profane.   hawthorne’s laughter mixes with the gunfire to make music of something mad.   between her winks and tali’s expletive sighs,  the pair make a rather unconventional team.   but the captain certainly has style.

          ❛  A truly wonderful skill, isn’t it  ?  You must know how to craft and reuse all sorts of items.  ❜  WHY WASTE POTENTAL items when repurposing the random &&. scrap  ?  Such a skill should be taken into consideration for all, for it was one of few talents that could provide the greatest use in moments of dire situation. Shining gaze darted over the model, hands daring not to cause a single ounce of damage to such artistic talent.

          ❛  A worthy prototype, might I inquire to what it is to specialize  ?  This might prove to be a useful tool in the near future.  ❜  NOT THAT SHE would enforce Tali to place the machine into danger.  ❛  What other skills do you have  ?  I’m curious to learn more about you, mi’lady.  ❜  

❝ 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞. ❞   the sentiment is weighted:  equal parts earnest and surprised.   tali is not accustomed to such flattery,  especially where quarian resourcefulness is concerned.   their motives are more often labeled malicious than innovative.   ❝ 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚢. ❞   tali adds,  to that effect.   her gaze lingers on the snowy brunette a beat longer,  regarding her with new warmth.