henry stars ✨

they assume you know nothing

but I knew you

playing hide-and-seek and

giving me your weekends

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

and I knew you'd come back to me

you'd come back to me

But if you let yourself complain, if you let yourself swear terribly and creatively, and you stare down at the bruised vegetables like they’ve personally disappointed you, and you make yourself smile because this is really just so, so stupid, you feel a little better. There’s a power to acknowledging that something sucks and making yourself feel better anyways. There’s a power to going “and THEN my bag broke, and it’s like—seriously? my day was bad enough” and doing it with a smile.

I want to go back a bit here. It was 1994. There were no out gay people anywhere near our school. Certainly no trans people. A few celebrities on TV, sure, but mostly in jokes. And not everyone had access to MTV or cable. The internet didn’t exist for us. Only a few kids had ever even heard of Rocky Horror Picture Show, which would be my first brush with gender fuckery that came close to positive rep in the media. Our city and state had a measure on the ballot almost every year since the mid eighties attempting to criminalize even mentioning the word gay. AIDs was still a looming specter over everything. It was dangerous to be seen as gay or gender nonconforming.

So these boys. They weren’t trying to make a statement. They weren’t even making a gay joke. They just thought it wold be silly to wear skirts. They wanted to see what it felt like. They were experimenting. The teachers flipped out. The boys wear marched into the principle’s office, their parents called, they were sent home for the day, a school announcement was made about inappropriate clothing and being lewd in school. Again, long loose skirts over pants. “Skirts aren’t for you. It’s wrong for boys to wear skirts. Stay in your straight boy box”. In response we, the students, responded with “Fuck the police!”.

2 Days later about 2/3 of boys showed up in skirts, jewelry, and makeup. No girls wore skirts, makeup, or jewelry. Some girls drew mustaches and wore suits. It began as just a anti-authoritarian response to what we saw as a ridiculous over reaction to boys in skirts, but the more we thought about it the more upset we got. Why couldn’t they wear skirts any time they wanted??? Why shouldn’t they paint their nails??? What if they did it all the time??? Yeah maybe some of them did like other boys, so what??? Maybe some of the girls in school never wanted to wear skirts or makeup, didn’t like their boobs, and/or didn’t like boys??? MAYBE IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT

In about a week a large number of us had become queer advocates without even knowing what that was. And in the face of that many kids, the school didn’t know what to do. Send us all home? We had several days of no free periods allowed, no recess time, lunch was for eating and quiet contemplation. Parents were called and warnings mailed that school dress codes were being updated. Unfortunately for school policy enough parents also thought that enforcing the gender binary was ridiculous that meetings had to be held. And some of the wealthier parents rolled up with lawyers ready to argue that Timmy had every right to wear a long skirt, and you couldn’t suspend Alice because she’d buzzed her hair on Thursday and started wearing mens suit pants and jackets. So it was dropped mostly. Skirts couldn’t be above the knee, no spaghetti straps, no drawing on your face - regardless of gender. But the air had changed.

Most kids went back to wearing whatever they had before. But, several boys continued painting their nails, grew out their hair, and occasionally wore skirts. Several girls chopped their hair off and wore “boys” clothing. One person, and this was literally unheard of, asked their friends to stop calling them Bridgett and call them Brandon. And they did. I lost track of most of the students, this town isn’t that small, but I know some of them came out as queer later in life. I can’t say that incident was a turning point for them, but it was for me.

It started as boys being silly. But at least 2 of those initial boys ended up wearing skirts and makeup regularly after that well into high school, and not as a joke. If they’d been shouted down? If other kids hadn’t said, “You know what? Good for you!” I hope they still would have been able to come out, but it probably wouldn’t have been as easy.

And yes, it did start as a joke. But the response is what matters here. It wasn’t treated as a joke. It was met with anger. Then acceptance. And it made a positive difference.

So, I see people upset that “straight cis” people aren’t wearing clothes correctly and… Y'all. I just see another instance of some kids playing with ideas and experimenting, pushing the boundaries. And being met with anger. And told to get back in their gender appropriate box.

“Well well well what if they mean it as a joke???” Tell them they look good and should wear skirts more often, if they want to. Tell them that yellow isn’t their color, but they’d look great in green. Tell them that if they get thigh chaffing to try bike shorts underneath. If you can’t handle that, don’t say anything. Block them and move on. If they’re assholes, block them and move on. But don’t tell them they can’t wear clothing because they haven’t labeled themselves correctly.

You can’t say you support queer rights and gender nonconformity and then get pissy when people don’t wear pants/skirts in narrow ways you like.

Stop trying to validate yourself by pushing down other people.

(I’m using pronouns for people that were used when I last knew them, since I have no way of knowing if they’ve changed)