Ah... the Marquis de All the Knives...

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

theres so many people... glup... (hovers over the button that says "kill all followers

They say that sudden, intense cravings for very specific foods are usually a sign of a vitamin deficiency. If so, that I'm presently making myself french toast, scrambled eggs, and a bacon and cheese sandwich at 11:45 PM must mean the vitamin I'm missing is grease.

I cross-posted this to Bluesky and got followed by a bunch of folks with blog headers clarifying which exact flavour of Christianity they adhere to because they thought I was making a hashtag-relatable post about cheating on your diet. Now we get find out how many of them are also comfortable with posts about werewolf cock.

undiagnosed autistic people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm john normal

I know this is kind of a hot take but I think creating a religious ethnostate is bad

I actually think it is still bad even if it is a religious ethnostate for a highly oppressed ethnicity and religion. I just don’t think it’s a good idea

Please demonstrate the ethnostate! Provide the proof! Why be so vague about what you're talking about?

podcasts could have been so good but they decided to make the main genres True Crime and Men Talking. shut up shut up the public yearns for audio dramas

i do appreciate how tumblr LOVES podcasts that aren't what most people think of when they think "podcast." you people love strange and terrible things happening to queer & confused characters, and i respect that

got my girlfriend into chuck tingle’s horror and we both bought a different book of his to the pool which summoned a bear who came over and was like MY MAN CHUCK TINGLE before diving into the pool

you see what happens when you enter the tingleverse?

wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic

vampire with the ability to put humans in thrall but they use it solely to make viral asmr videos

you are feeling sleepy. you are feeling sooooooo relaxed. you are going to like and subscribe for more content

The loudest guy in the fucking world: hey man

There's more after 'hey man' but you're deaf now

I think he also qualifies for the Baby Girl title