A World of Cynicism and Comedy

I would stay up until dawn and watch the city burn Wee twinkles of stars falling from the sky on a late winter's eve To loathe to live but to breathe fire upon those who claim lineage in their pride Richmond, dear Richmond, hope one day be I. Wanton were we to sit upon rooftops and listen to the symphonies of the night The cobblestones our field and our minds of child as we pranced in twilight What ironic declarations that fall from lip but stalwart be their pride Their home is their home but invaders be many Their home is their home but their curses many Richmond...O Richmond, hope one day be I. 

The dork...the unassuming goofy coworker of yours. They say silly things. They seem to have no shame about their hobbies nor any inclination to hide their eclectic interests. The dork though is your ideal face of the company. As long as you aren't expecting the dork to sell, they are perfect for the clients and here's why. They're non-threatening. What's the dork gonna do? Try to rip you off? Try to slack? Tell you a corny joke? More than likely the latter but not the former. The clients feel safe. If anything, they just want to get off the call because they don't want to inconvenience the dork. He's too nice. He obviously wants what's best for them. The dork is more than likely telling the truth. *Could* he even lie? Probably not. He's too awkward. You come to him for help and you know he's genuine and he's real because who would *choose* to behave like the dork? You might be put off by their nature....but dorks are actually some of the most valuable client-facing assets you can have in a company. Save your sales sharks, the cool and suave reps, and the no-nonsense consultants for elsewhere. For customer service and keeping a client? Give em the dork.

This is a “Rainbow Rolex” watch. At $260,000 it is considered the second gayest and expensive thing after your sassy bouji ass. 

Dog lovers: AWWW THE POOR THING NEEDS TO BE ADOPTED ASAP! POOR SWEET BB

Who most neckbeards aspire to be vs who they end up resembling

For being a hot topic for a while, I don't think I have heard many people say either/or "Happy Holidays" "Merry Christmas". It feels like most people are not only just going with the motions but also that we are weary of each other...subtextually imposing our preconceived notion of who someone is to us before they have even spoken. I used to say "Happy Holidays" or whatever to people not insinuating that they were of ANY faith (like myself) but just for the one excuse I love about the Holiday/Christmas season: We've been taught we are to be kinder to one another strictly because of the time of year...even if it is a small random well-wish. I would like to hope it is because we are starting to be kind to each other more than just December but truthfully...I just doubt it.

Me: ...easy holding that baby bunny that is my optimism, Lenny. Don’t wanna fucking crush it, do ya?

So, watching a lot of TV shows we all know a very typical worn plot point: Dude or girl is hanging out with someone they think is super cool. They are nice, funny, smart, and everything they enjoy in good company. Then the plot works its way to all of their other side-characters trying to horde in on their good time and interrupting the two of them even though the character wants to be alone with the new friendly character. This shit is of course easy to relate to because many of us have had that shit happen. It’s because a bunch of us have a damn hard time just trying to connect with someone. We aren’t the people who can just jump into any party and strike up conversation and have a bunch of acquaintances. That “new character” person is usually our hope. Then, since they are so cool in so many ways and you see them easily branch out to these people, it’s like your secret is gone. You are the main character in YOUR life but them leaving you to hang out with all of the other people reminds you that you’re not only a “supporting character” in other people’s lives...shit sometimes you just feel like an “extra” and that “star” you thought you just nabbed all for yourself has just fucked off to get a spin-off. Your shit just got cancelled. TNT plays your reruns occasionally.  

Hey, assholes: WE’RE TAKING JUST AS MUCH OF A CHANCE ON YOU AS YOU ARE OF US. Take the f*cking resume, talk to us applicants, if we vibe: Super. Let’s see if we can work well together, shall we? 

How you going to celebrate your birthday when your dad meant to pull out?