Whoop, I guess it's April 13th and I already posted my new fic stuff on Sunday. I was hoping to get a couple one-shots done or something, but I've spent the last couple weeks helping a friend prep/recover from surgery and said friend is my primary brainstorming partner t'boot. It's surprisingly difficult to brainstorm with someone who just got out of surgery! I'm like, "yo, should I have John do this thing or that thing?" and they're like "zzzzzzzzzz snore snore just fifteen more hours of sleep first..."
Hmm, so. How about I share one of the relatively polished scenes I've got cooking for Constants & Variables Act 4? (PS: someone stop me from sub-titling this act "R.O.D.: Retcon Or Die." My beta reader is doing the opposite of discouraging this nonsense! Bad beta reader!) CW for violence and a small bit of blood.
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Despite what Auto-Responder and Jake and probably everyone else who knew him assumed, Dirk didn't relish the opportunity to kick his glitchy descendant's ass. If he'd actually found that shit enjoyable, he wouldn't have been so hesitant to take the kid on as a protege.
He doubted anyone would actually believe it, but it was what it was: sending Daveglitch flying across the block was just fucking depressing, not satisfying.
"Stop jumping in on the easy openings, Glitch," Dirk said, lowering his katana without lowering the rest of his guard. "If it's obvious to you, it's sure as hell obvious to me and I'll see you coming five miles away."
Daveglitch climbed back to his feet, taking a deep breath as he steadied himself. "Got it." Under the glitch's influence, the kid was unstoppable, an opponent that even Dirk struggled to match. Without it, he crumbled before Dirk even broke a sweat.
"How exactly do you expect to help the lad by kicking his caboose time and again?" Jake called from the sidelines. He leaned back against the wall and kept his arms crossed as he watched the strifes.
"It's called the 'drop them in the deep end until they swim' method," Dirk said, sliding into an offensive stance and waiting for the perfect opportunity to spring.
All told, for as easy as it was to bat Daveglitch around on a counterattack, it was hard to get the drop on the kid the rest of the time. Daveglitch was faster than Dirk when he wanted to be and he had uncanny observational skills borne from glitch-lent senses.
Still, better to exhaust every angle while in a controlled setting than risk the kid discovering an otherwise unknown weakness while in the heat of a real life-or-death battle.
Dirk shot forward in a flashstep and Daveglitch responded in kind. Their swords clashed in a deafening blow, the echos drowned out by continued strikes. Daveglitch stabbed, Dirk blocked and slid in to land a kick, Daveglitch spun out of reach and slashed at Dirk's back, Dirk ducked and slashed at Daveglitch's legs, Daveglitch jumped over Dirk's blade... Dirk's main goal was to provide a new line of attack as often as possible, changing shit up to push Daveglitch's limits until repetition could take him off-guard again and then Dirk would push him hard the other direction until there were no more damn limits to push.
The main difference between the kid and the glitch's ability in a fight was confidence, and the relative lack thereof. Daveglitch hesitated. He faltered. He questioned himself. The glitch, when it acted alone, didn't have time for such emotional weaknesses, just like the Auto-Responder. Computers were fast. When built right, they had the capacity for perfection, at least when it came to executing tasks.
No organic lifeform could hope to match those levels, not even a kid who'd played host to a digital ghost.
Which was why Dirk didn't have room to go easy on the kid. If Daveglitch was going to survive an encounter with another version of that glitchy asshole from some doomed timeline, he had to be as close to fucking perfect as it got. With any luck, he wouldn't have to trash his flesh identity to do so.
Dirk caught Daveglitch's wrist and threw him into the wall. Daveglitch remained silent, but the wall made a pretty loud thud.
"Stop going for the predictable hits, Glitch," Dirk said, keeping his sword raised in case Daveglitch got a second wind right away.
"Dirk!" Jake snapped, stomping into the ring and over to check on Daveglitch. "That's too rough!"
Dirk shrugged, but he did lower his weapon. God, he didn't want to flip back to black with Jake, not on top of everything else going down. "He can take it."
Jake glared over his shoulder at him. "That doesn't mean he fucking should!" he said. He knelt to check on Daveglitch and caught his shoulder, gently rubbing it. "You okay, lad? You didn't hit your noggin, did you?" he said, his tone softening.
"I'm cool," Daveglitch said even as he winced. He struggled to climb back to his feet and Jake slipped an arm around his middle to help steady him. "This shit is exactly what I asked for. You don't need to go to bat for me."
"I'm sure you have a lot of moxie, but I think a breather is in order regardless. Don't you, Dirk?" Jake said, shooting Dirk a Look that communicated plain as day that he'd be sleeping alone for a perigee if he didn't relent.
Dirk held back a sigh as he put his katana away. "Yeah, take a break, Glitch. Save straining yourself for when you're in the field," he said, because even if he had to back down, he was at least going to shove in a reminder that Daveglitch's real opponents wouldn't go so easy on him.
Jake rolled his eyes. All those fucking sweeps and he finally grew a backbone. Dirk equally admired and hated him for it -- God knew Jake needed to learn to stand up for himself, but he could have chosen some better hills to die on.
Daveglitch hesitated, still gripping his sword. "I'm not down for the count yet."
"Now, now. Dirk's given the order, so just sit your tush down and take a well-earned break," Jake said, coaxing Daveglitch back to the floor. They sat crosslegged together, Jake ruffling his hair and talking about the newest movie he discovered from the humans' libraries while Daveglitch. The actual Dave would have interrupted a few times, but the glitched up version must have grown used to listening quietly for the five hundred sweeps he and Jake were both captives.
"How is it going?"
Dirk did not jump. That was a thing way too uncool for a Strider to partake in. His head may have turned a little faster than usual, but there was only so much even a dude as awesome as himself could do when some limeblooded pupa literally goddamn teleported next to him with no fucking warning.
Jade just smiled, giving no commentary on his less-than-stoic greeting.
He grunted. "Your matesprit's a slow learner," he said.
"Aww, I am sure he is trying his best! Maybe you could try new approaches?" She clapped her hands together. "Everybody learns best in different ways, you know!"
"Then he could have picked a different teacher instead of coming to me," Dirk said flatly.
TT2: What's wrong, Dirk? Can't adapt to challenging circumstances? TT: Shut up, AR. TT: "Teacher" isn't exactly on my business card. If he doesn't like my unprofessional teaching methods, he can find someone else who actually specializes in it. TT2: Oh, but you're all about manipulating people into doing what you want. TT2: Sorry, I mean manipulating them until they reach their top potential. (And do what you want.) TT: I'll uninstall you. TT2: Yeah, haven't heard that before. TT2: brb, cowering in fear of another empty threat.
Daveglitch's demeanor changed the instant he caught sight of Jade, his drooping indifference dropped in favor of perking up like a lost pupa who just spotted his first sign of home. He scrambled to his feet and hurried over to meet her, Jake following after more casually with a sly smile.
"Hi, TG!" Jade said with a smile so bright that it could probably cause blindness if stared at directly. "How's the training going?"
"Well, you know, we're getting shit done and learning all kinds of mad awesome skills here," Daveglitch said, catching her hands when she offered them to him. "Can I kiss you?" he murmured, almost out of earshot of Dirk.
Jade giggled. "Yeeees, silly," she said, hopping onto her toes and giving him a quick peck on the lips.
It was so fucking chaste compared to the PDAs that Dave partook in with his human matesprit. It was, if Dirk dared admit it, almost fucking cute in all its innocence.
Dirk caught Jake's hand and held it tightly. Jake gave Dirk a questioning look before squeezing back.
"I'm sorry," Dirk whispered.
"Let's skip that old song and dance today," Jake whispered back.
"So what have you guys been teaching TG anyway?" Jade asked, her eyes lit with curiosity.
Dirk cleared his throat. "We've been sparring."
"Dirk was, ah..." Jake said, stumbling on his words even as he spoke quickly. "Dirk was finding his feet with this whole teaching hullabaloo, but I'm sure he's getting the hang of it." He grinned up at Dirk and swung his arm. "Eh, old chap?"
Dirk nodded and averted his gaze. "We'll be slowing down for a while. Making sure the kid can keep up."
"I could keep up just fucking fine," Daveglitch grumbled with a foolish stubbornness Dirk related to, just a touch.
"Well, it's easier for lessons to sink into your sponge if you take them at a steady pace!" Jade said with a smile, leaning against Daveglitch's shoulder. "Can I train with you guys too?"
Daveglitch's eyes widened. "What, for real?"
"With the Striders?" Jake asked, just as surprised. "Jade, you don't use swordkind."
She shook her head. "Nooo, but I'm high enough level that I can diversify my specibus deck!" she said, holding up her deck. "It's a good idea to round out my skills with an option for close combat, right? Besides, it sounds like fun."
Dirk shrugged. "Doesn't hurt or even waste my time, seeing as I'm already training one of you either way," he said. Maybe he'd stay grounded better with her around. "Anyway, she's got a point. The art of sword fighting is a useful skill to possess, especially for an otherwise long-ranged specialist."
She beamed. "Thanks, Mr. Strider!"
He snorted. Jegus Crust, these kids were always finding new ways to surprise him with unnecessary formality. At least she wasn't calling him Mr. Signless anymore. "Dirk's still fine, Li'l Harley. Go pick a weapon and we'll get this show on the road."
"Okay, Dirk," she said. She beckoned to Daveglitch before running over to the assortment of swords Dirk had set up.
"Don't get too rough with my descendant, eh?" Jake said, shooting Dirk a smirk as Jade tested the weight of the swords and showed each one off to Daveglitch. Whatever she picked, Dirk would probably have to correct her later, but he'd let her make that mistake, for now.
"I wouldn't fucking dare." Dirk returned the smirk. "She'd probably shoot me again."
Jake lightly elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't even remind me of that. I think witnessing that took ten years off my lifespan, immortal or not."
"What, you mean you still care, Harley?" Dirk asked, leaning his shoulder against Jake's.
Jake's cheeks turned a light shade of green as he leaned back. "Yes, you big lug, I still give one or two shits about my closest bosom friend."
Dirk laughed, only half bothering to try hiding it. "You call me your what?"
"Oh, shut your trap, Strider," Jake said, but he was still grinning. "Your jabber has its own kooky jargon to it."
"Sorry my dope lingo is too kooky for you, dog."
Jake snorted and made to grab at Dirk's nose, as if he was quick enough to ever get the drop on Dirk. At least Jane had a chance in hell, since she knew to throw her (metaphorical) punches when Dirk was least expecting them, but here Jake wanted to rough house with full warning.
Dirk ducked under Jake's arm and slid in close to him so that their chests were practically pressed together, then he swept Jake's leg out from under him. He caught Jake under his back, but only after he'd fallen a couple of inches and his feet had gone splaying. Dirk smirked and pulled him into a kiss, not minding even an iota when Jake nipped at his lips.
Maybe vacillating a little pitched wasn't so bad.
"TG, don't stare!" Jade whispered.
Oh. Right. The audience.
Dirk made no hurry to break away or show any other sign of embarrassment. He let his mouth linger by Jake's ear long enough to murmur, "Stop by my block later," before he pulled Jake back onto his feet.
Jake pressed his knuckles to his mouth and cleared his throat, as if he could ward off the blush covering his face with a loud enough noise. "Yes. Well then," he said, firmly patting Dirk's shoulder. "I'll, uh. I'll just leave you to it, since you seem to have gotten the hang of it. I should... check on my moirail."
"Right on, bro," Dirk said as Jake scurried for the door. Was it the audience made up of their descendants that got to him, or that they were too flushed for that level of shameless PDA? Ah well. Dirk rested a hand on his hip. "You kids ready?"
Jade quickly stood at attention, a blush the same color as Jake's still resting on her cheeks. "Yes sir!" she said.
Dirk nodded. "Glitch, go wait for me to initiate another strife while I get Jade set up here."
"On it," Daveglitch said as he returned to the center of the block, though he glanced over his shoulder at them.
Dirk picked up one of the swords and passed it over to Jade. "This one," he said. "The one you picked is too long for you. Hey, don't sweat it," he added when she looked disappointed. "We all make rookie mistakes early on. You should have seen the first piece of shit I fought with. It's a small miracle it didn't snap under pressure."
She giggled. "That is hard to imagine!" she said, placing both of her hands around the sword hilt and holding it up.
"Oh, yeah, believe it or not, I was a noob once too, a couple thousand sweeps ago." He slid behind her and set his hands on her arms, guiding her to an ideal starting pose. "My posture was shit, my stance was sloppy, and I barely even understood what the word 'balance' fucking meant." He nudged her feet with the toe of his shoe until she got the idea and widened her stance. "I was, I dunno, two sweeps old?"
She broke into laughter. "Yooou are still pretty arrogant, you know!"
He smirked. "Oh, I am arrogant as shit, but at least I can make people laugh about it sometimes." He caught her hands and gently guided her fingers into a better grip. "Here, careful not to put too much strain on your wrists," he said.
Jade nodded, following along without any complaint. "It is true, Striders are pretty funny guys, even if you also take yourselves a little too seriously," she said, shooting him a wry smile. Once she had the right pose, she held it well, but he wouldn't have expected less from a highly skilled fighter whose greatest weakness was training in the wrong weaponry.
"Nah, we don't take ourselves seriously." He released his grip and stepped around to survey her from a distance. Daveglitch also watched their progress, though Dirk ignored him for the time being. They'd get back to work in a moment. "That's just an ironic act. We really don't give a shit about anything."
"I do not think I believe you," she said, her eyes following him even as she kept her stance. Yeah, given practice, she could unleash hell with that blade.
"My moirail doesn't either," Dirk said, stepping beside her and catching her beneath an arm. "I'm gonna show you some basic blocks and strikes now."
She let him guide her arms through a high block, a medium block, a low stab, and a medium slash, just for starters. None of them were particularly impressive moves or even anything remotely resembling the techniques he practiced in an actual fight, but they covered the body movement well enough for beginners.
"All right, try them out without my help," he said, though he didn't have much doubt that she'd do fine on her own. He watched her block once, twice, and begin her stab before he flashstepped away.
He shot behind Daveglitch and swung his katana, bringing it to an abrupt halt when its edge was half an inch from Daveglitch's neck. Only then did Daveglitch raise his weapon, but Dirk flung his arm around him and pinned Daveglitch's arm to his side.
"Too late," Dirk said, gripping Daveglitch's wrist as he rested his blade on Daveglitch's shoulder. "You can't let your guard down when you're in enemy territory, Glitch. If this were real, you'd be dead now." Dirk lowered his voice and murmured directly into Daveglitch's ear, "Tuck that away deep in your think pan and learn from it, because you got a lot of people who want to see you come home safe." He released his hold on Daveglitch and pulled his sword away.
Daveglitch stumbled forward and spun on Dirk, his sword at the ready though his eyes were still wide from the shock.
"You ready for this again, kid?" Dirk asked, lowering into a defensive stance.
Daveglitch caught his breath, keeping his gaze locked on Dirk and his katana. "Hella ready, bro," he said.
Dirk nodded. "Keep practicing those moves, Li'l Harley," he called to Jade, both to assure her that she hadn't been forgotten and to remind her not to waste time gawking at their strife. "I'll give you some new ones so you can change it up in a bit, but you want this stuff wired into your muscle memory until they come to you as easily as walking."
"Will do!" she called. He'd have liked to have turned his head long enough to make sure the event hadn't startled her out of her perfect technique, but what kind of role model would he be for Daveglitch if he let his guard down for even a second?
Daveglitch inched to the side, always facing Dirk and keeping his sword raised. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
God dammit. Dirk had wanted to start going easy on the brat, but how the hell could he overlook a mistake that blatant? It wouldn't do anyone any good to let Daveglitch get away with that. Dirk charged, ready to hold his blade back at the last inch again.
Daveglitch's eyes snapped open and he blocked Dirk's attack with a shockingly sudden twist of the arm. He'd wiped the surprise and uncertainty from his expression, replacing it with a perfect poker face that might as well have been a mask for as little as it allowed even a wince.
Dirk smirked. That was more like it. He weaved away from Daveglitch's counterattack, slipping in to try a new strike. It was only a little frustrating that Daveglitch blocked it again, compared to the satisfaction that the kid was actually learning a thing or two.
They traded blows back and forth, remaining in a near constant state of flashstepping in order to keep up with each other. Daveglitch wasn't having much luck at driving Dirk back, but he wasn't letting his guard down. Dirk would have been happy to call the lesson accomplished with only that, until Daveglitch made for another way too obvious attack.
Dirk adjusted his weapon. In a real battle, he could have sliced Daveglitch in two for such a reckless strike, but as it was, he'd just shove him with an elbow and follow it with another goddamn lecture that was getting too repetitive.
It was a feint. Daveglitch ducked sideways, holding his sword with his non-dominant hand, and struck on Dirk's freshly unprotected opposite side. A sharp pain shot up Dirk's side and he clenched his teeth to prevent crying out as he felt blood leak down his skin and stain his shirt. It wasn't deep, but even papercuts could smart like a motherfucker.
Daveglitch's poker face crashed, replaced by a startled grimace. "Fuck!" he said, yanking his sword away from Dirk. The edge of it dripped in bright red blood.
Jade dropped her sword and hurried over, her eyes wide with concern. "Are you okay?"
Dirk waved her off. "I'm cool. It's just a surface cut." He lifted his hand to show off the wound. It was a fair amount of blood trickling down his shirt, but he'd had worse. "I'll have Jane look at it later."
Daveglitch shuffled back. "S-sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you and shit. Again. Fuck."
"Nah, don't apologize that I failed to stop you." Dirk raised his fist and Daveglitch started back, ready to go on the defense again, before he recognized it wasn't another strife initiation. They bumped fists and Dirk nodded. "You did good work tonight, Glitch."
