Turning on the Starlight

You know it’s bad when the first bi-partisan agreement in eight years is ‘don’t vote for that fuckhead"

italian romanticism: i went into the woods and toppled face down over a root which proves nature is but a cruel stepmother, also this must somehow be a sign that God wants us to get rid of those fucking austrians

french romanticism: i went into the woods and found a peasant woman, but she wasn’t really a woman, she was the Republic and the woods is the people of France, wild, free and unconquered

polish romanticism: i didn’t go into the woods and i didn’t find any woman, we held a seance instead and summoned ghosts and listened to how they died, and then i was in a prison cell listening to my inmates while having existential crisis, but bottom line fuck Russia, Prussia and Austria

Finnish romanticism: me and my six brothers went into the woods and built a new house, but got drunk and the sauna caught fire and we had to escape half-naked

If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an ‘uncharacteristic purchase’

Why every single emotion and outburst Harry James Potter had during Order Of The Phoenix was justified: A 400 page essay by me

Why just because every outburst was justified doesn’t make it any more interesting of a book to read and therefore I have every right to still complain about it: a 401 page essay by me

terrible essay, F and see me after class

All men do is lie