reblogs here

i think its charming when peoples personal lives improve and they get drastically worse at posting

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

There is no way this is a porno

This is the best porno there has ever been.

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

I hope today someone is in the lucky 10,000 and sees this for the first time.

men really be like “well this woman has studied this subject her whole life, and i am a man, so we have equal knowledge on this”

it’s ok you could have just said “i hate men”

okay, i hate men

There are few things funnier to me than the white-hot raging beef parents can have with fictional characters written for young children. You want to hear one of the funniest rants of your life, you ask nearly any parent of a young child their least favorite little cartoon guy. It'll be amazing.

Last time i had a friend she made me eat spanakotiropita in front of her on camra until i couldnt eat no more and then she would get it all up from my thraot with a toy plunger and hit me with a chew toy until i couldnt take the pain no more

my phone autocorrecting fanfiction to fabrication might be my last straw