Tattoo'd Sexy Dancing Monkey

Okay so The Truman Show, but the baby is raised, guided to become Bruce Wayne/Batman in the real-to-him City of Gotham. A scripted reality show where every villain, every citizen of fake☆Gotham is an actor except for Bruce. Batman doesn't often kill his villains - safe for tv🤔

When your girlfriend says "yeah, I gotta tie her up," but she's talking about a plant.

My person posts these really beautiful photos of our dogs and sunsets and nature, and then snapchats me the empty toilet paper roll at home while I'm still at work. I guess this is love.

Ghosting has gotten old. Let's try ghouling instead! Ya know, rattle some chains, make spooky oOoOo-ing sounds, disappear into walls, consume human flesh. Also, continue ignoring texts.

Volcano? So discouraging. Volcanyes! Positivity is key!