mindgrapes & thoughtsicles

From the planets’ perspectives, Grace landed on Erid around the same time that the beetles got back to Earth. I thought about Earth racing to launch the taumoeba to Venus at the same time that Erid was racing to save Grace from starvation. Grace was healing his starved body at the same time Earth was healing her desecrated lands. Even if they didn’t know it for so many years afterwards, they were healing together. When Grace was well enough to start truly living on Erid, Sol had already begun to shine again.

"Wow Rock you live like this? Junk all over the floor and parts everywhere? Very messy."

Something jumped out at me tonight while I was driving home and listening to the Project Hail Mary soundtrack after rewatching the movie. And it was the song that plays while Grace is preparing Yao Li-Jie’s and Olesya Ilyukhina’s bodies for their final words and send off into space.

The song is called “You Were Loved (Burial)”

And I can’t stop thinking about it because it’s not “You were heroic” or “you were brave”. It was “you were loved.”

Grace sees bravery as something you’re born with. He says it to Yao, that he doesn’t have the ‘bravery’ gene that they have, and Yao corrects him in that moment and states it’s a matter of finding someone to be brave for.

And listen I know others have talked about how Grace learns to be brave because of Rocky. And, yes, it’s true. But I don’t think thats the complete message the were wanting us to take away from this movie.

See, the difference between “You were brave” and “You were loved” is the difference between “I” and “We”. Yao and Ilyukhina weren’t just brave. The song emphasizes that it’s not the bravery that mattered, but the fact that others loved them. We see it in their photos. Surrounded by children, loved ones, family, friends-

And then there’s Grace, in his one photo.

Standing by himself.

Alone.

But Grace loved his kids, you’d say. And yes, the children are so so important to him. But while they love him as a teacher, Mr. Grace, they don’t love him as the whole. They don’t know Ryland. They don’t know Dr. Grace. And Grace has no partner, no immediate family… he is liked. And that’s where it ends.

When he meets Rocky though? It changes. Slowly, yes, but surely. This little alien that knows him as someone clever, and smart, and clumsy, and bad at math. Grace is not just “the science human”. Grace is his friend. An equally valid form of love- platonic.

And what happens, when Grace for once gets the same love he gets? He does EVA’s on a ship experiencing active gravity, he leaps off to grab the predator collector even at the risk of dying, he nearly kills himself with chemical burns (in the book) carrying Rocky to get him back in his closure, he gives up his chance of going home, KNOWING he will die shortly after dropping off Rocky at Erid, if he even manages to find Rocky.

And we can say that it’s growth of Grace, learning to be brave and not a coward for the sake of his friend. But that’s once again focusing on the one person. The ‘I’.

You. Were. Loved.

This movie at its core is about how humanity is to love and be loved.

Grace didn’t suddenly develop a bravery gene. He was given what he so desperately needed- love. And it was only because he received it that he could make the choices he did.

He didn’t leap for the predator catcher because of bravery. He leapt because he was loved.

Rocky didn’t break through to Grace’s side because he was brave. He forced himself to go into Grace’s atmosphere because he was loved.

Grace didn’t pull the emergency air lock lever for Rocky because he was brave. He let himself be injured because he was loved.

And most importantly- Grace didn’t choose certain death to rescue Rocky because he was brave. It was not an act of bravery.

It was an act of love.

And that love could only exist because, for the first time, someone loved him.

Eva Motherfucking Stratt

Everyone forgets (especially movie fans since I don’t think they even brought it up for y’all) that Stratt wasn’t a scientist like the rest of her crew. Sure, she was definitely smart enough to understand most of what they told her, but it wasn’t her field of study. She wasn’t a biologist or a chemist or an astrophysicist, she was a historian. She was also recommended for the project because she was an incredibly talented diplomat. Canonically, she’s fluent in at least seven languages, and probably speaks several more- give her a day, and she’ll understand Eridian almost as well as Grace. The atmospheric testing, the experimentation with Xenonite, that’s all her crew. But getting to know an alien race, learning all about their language and their history and their culture? That’s her thing, right there.

RYAN GOSLING as RYLAND GRACE

There is some masterful character acting by Ryan Gosling in PHM whenever he cries. And I'm not talking about the fact that he cries, at all. I'm talking about how he cries around different characters.

That scene in the conference room when Stratt springs the surprise on him? And he starts crying, blank faced and closed off, and slowly reaches up a hand? Brushes the tears, glances at them briefly, with this transient look of surprise and frustration?

Like he didn't even feel the tears at first, like his body is betraying him, like he doesn't have time for this, like the last thing he wants is to cry in this situation ... Yet, no matter how many times he wipes them, he can't get rid of them. He stands up and backs away. He's panicking. Nothing about this is safe.

(He does the same thing at the space funeral, btw. He's scared. He's not safe. He's not ready.)

Compare this now to how he cries in front of Rocky. He doesn't try to hide it. "Grace go home!" He turns and there are tears streaming down his face. He doesn't try and leave. He doesn't hide or try and wipe them. He gets close to Rocky. He sobs. He lets it all out.

Compare again to when Rocky finally wakes up. He throws himself around the xenonite ball. A single tear falls down his cheek. His face is open, expressive. He doesn't wipe the tear. He lets it fall. He's so relieved and happy.

This is such subtly good character acting that I didn't notice it until the third watch because those scenes are so emotional in general, but wow did I notice it this time. I'm so grateful they kept Grace's character intact in the movie by letting him cry, and that Gosling brought such nuance to the execution.