Letters to Future Soulmate

Ilya Rozanov is Shane Hollander’s equal. No, he is not the second best hockey player after Shane. No he is not worse than Shane. Ilya is EQUAL to Shane!

The names Hollander and Rozanov are always used together by the league because is this reason. Because if they weren’t equals, the rivalry won’t exist, nor would Shane and Ilya ever meet.

And oh, Ilya is the ONLY one who can understand Shane’s situation (because he is the only other closeted best hockey player, duh). Say what you want but this is literally canon.

I am tired of y’all reducing Ilya to a side character in his own story. Just because you think Shane deserves someone “better” than Ilya, doesn’t make it true or negate the importance of Ilya in his story.

His own support people (like the show versions of Svetlana and Cliff) are back in Boston and he can’t get too close to his new teammates because he’s not able to stick around for social events and is hiding a massive secret from them, so he only has Yuna and David (who are ultimately Shane’s parents not his) and Hayden (who openly hates him and who he would probably never choose to be around if he wasn’t Shane’s friend.) If things didn’t work out between him and Shane, he would have no one where he lives, and he wouldn’t even be able to talk about it with anyone other than to the therapist he pays to listen.

Like Ilya can’t come out because…..? Shane doesn’t want him to? That’s pretty much it? If you applied any logic, you’d think, oh, he’s worried about having his passport revoked and it impacting his ability to work, or losing his job, but nope, never contemplated. like in the text, the only reason it seems Ilya can’t come out is he and Shane are worried people will put it together that they’re a couple. which really only has consequences for Shane, and means Ilya is essentially in the closet just to protect Shane, which fine, makes sense as a motivation, but leads into the even more baffling premise of TLG: why did Shane come out to his team?

This happens between books and we don’t really get any insight into why Shane decided to come out to his team, but it’s really hard to reconcile with who he is as a person. Again, it implies that the issue is the rivalry, not homophobia. Shane is already dealing with being one of the only Asian players, and neurodivergent to boot—it’s hard to accept that he would willingly other himself further by coming out unless it was to also reveal his relationship. The strain on Shane is actually worse if he comes out but continues to hide his relationship?? Because he loses the plausible deniability of assumed straightness. And it’s not like he came out to soft launch his relationship, which would’ve also made some sense, because in TLG the plan is still to wait until retirement initially. Further, it doesn’t make sense for Shane to come out to his team rather than Ilya, because Shane is far more likely to experience professional consequences than Ilya—Ilya’s bad boy reputation protects him in a way that Shane’s model minority status does not.

It’s further strange that TLG asks us to believe the team is like mostly okay with Shane being gay, though I think this is a big opening for the tv show to explore. It’s implied they were awkward at first and they’re maybe distant now, but you can assume (as I think most fans do, in order to make it make sense) that Shane maybe isn’t the most reliable narrator about how bad it is, and finding out it’s Ilya is what causes that underlying tension to bubble over.

No one will ever convince me that there's not a connection between Shane coming out to his team, it not going well, and Shane volunteering to start an even more intensely restrictive diet than he was already on, that also punishes his relationship. Just like I will always view Shane's anxiety around Ilya coming out to the Centaurs/his friends as a trauma response based on how badly it went for him.

One of the most heartbreaking parts about Shane's performance diet to me, is how in both My Dinner with Hayden and TLG Shane and Ilya mention how they love to cook together, and it's like a fun couple thing for them. It's a point of connection, something they do together aside from hockey. And, unlike hockey, it's something they don't compete about.

Shane's performance diet robs them of this. There's a scene in TLG where Ilya has done a bunch of research to find a meal they can cook together that fits in Shane's diet. And Shane is delighted by this. But, notably, he puts no effort into finding other recipes they can do this with again. He tells Rose he likes the discipline of his diet, and I don't think he means just in regards to what and where he's eating, I think he also means in his relationship.

There's another major change we see in Shane between books. At the end of Heated Rivalry he's talking fairly optimisticly about both of them coming out to friends.

This is at the cottage. Very soon after they've decided they're in a real relationship. It's hard not to compare this with Shane's sheer panic in TLG when Ilya talks about coming out to Troy - not even about them, just about being bi - and also to the possibility of even meeting the rest of his team.

So, what's happened to Shane in the last three years that makes him go from joking around about coming out to his friends to rabidly controlling his relationship and protecting every small detail of it that he possibly can?

He has a boyfriend who went from wanting to tell their friends about them to basically telling Ilya not to tell any of his friends. Or anyone at all.

He has a boyfriend who went from wanting to spend as much time together as possible to cutting out an activity that they enjoyed doing together.

He has a boyfriend who is suddenly giving the idea that "Actually, it's okay if they know I'm gay. It's just if they know that I'm with you that it's a problem."

He has a boyfriend who went from making a whole ten year plan where they would change from being rivals to being friends to being lovers that now is still to afraid to be seen in public with him as friends even after 3 years of this plan. 1/3rd of the way there.

He has a boyfriend who went from saying "I don't know that side of you at all" when Ilya called himself lazy to accusing Ilya of no longer trying hard a hockey or wanting to win and instead sit around smoking pot with friends.

Like, really it's not that big of a surprise that Ilya doesn't want to say anything negative around him. Between the shift in Shane's attitude and Ilya's own depression, of course, he would assume that one more pressure would send Shane running. And like not only is Ilya madly in love with Shane and used to being told that he is difficult and any inconvenience is on his end, but Ilya's also given up everything. If Shane and Ilya were to break up at this point, Ilya's literally thrown his life and career into the fire for nothing.

And I am so tired of people claiming it was only Ilya's lack of communication that caused the issues because Shane never once told Ilya - until the Boxing Day Fight where they both admitted it- that he was struggling either even while pushing Ilya to share his own feelings.

🗣️ ILYA WOULD ONLY MOVE TO PLAY WING IN A POWERPLAY! SHANE SHOULD BE MADE CENTER SECOND LINE FOR DEPTH

🗣️ ILYA IS THE CAPTAIN AND THE ONE WHO BUILT UP BOTH BOSTON AND OTTAWA AND IF HE GOT MOVED TO A LESSER POSITION TO ACCOMMODATE SOMEONE WHO IS JUST! AS! GOOD! AS! HIM! IT WOULD BE INCREDIBLY INSULTING

(also plsssss tell me yall see where im coming from)

i want to start off by saying i have a visceral HATRED for how a lot of ilya’s story is handled within TLG and HR. bc the underdevelopment we get on his side with a lot of the dynamics of him with the boston bears as well as what him being there means to him is not only gut wrenching but js plain annoying. like we don’t really know if they would be shitty abt it, we don’t know his real relationship with them, esp with him basically growing up with them and experiencing extremely pivotal moments of his life with them. so to take that away and brand the centaurs as a “clearly better option” (through i do love my babies don’t get me wrong) is absurd

also i have a very deep hatred for the 10 year plan bullshit and js overall how both shane and ilya’s characters are handled. esp bc that plan is not what ACTUAL compromise looks like in a relationship. it’s choosing one extreme over the other.

like yes, i understand they both have their problems. and yes i understand their relationship is messy, that’s gonna be the nature of it considering it’s a fucking 12 year long situationship. and yes i understand these idiots are miscommunication final bosses. and yes, i understand that a lot of times both of them are at fault. that’s natural, that’s what messy adult relationships are about. they can be messy and healthy at the same time. as long as you build a foundation of trust, forgiveness, room for growth, AND COMPROMISE.

before i truly go off i want to say this is not me picking shane or ilya’s side more. they both are complicated and flawed characters. both do them make mistakes and they both have hurt each other. what i’m dissecting here is the structural foundation of the writing, plot, and character curation. that is what i’m pissed about. the characters are a consequence of it.

now here’s what i mean. true compromise of middle ground of sorts does not mean on side gives up everything or does something full out. it means finding a middle ground. somewhere where both sides can find something good and comfortable but also not necessarily what they had nor what they wanted fully. while i don’t think it was done at of malicious intent on shane’s part, the plan isnt a compromise- it’s shane getting what he wants. and ilya bending to that will for the sake of someone else.

yes, ilya might be closer and yes,he does now have now have shane’s family to fall back on. but he gives up every other sense of comfort and stability that he’s fought painstakingly for.

1. his friends. he has been with that team and in that city since his rookie season. they are his friends and the closest semblance to family he has. and i’m not saying they’re the greatest or most support. but we know for a fact that they most likely aren’t as bad a the metros bc we would have gotten something with that.

2. his home. that is his only home away from home (outside of the cottage which doesn’t come until later) for YEARS. that’s probably the only place he could be himself and find solace esp when he had to go back to russia for the summers. leaving that is leaving a piece of his childhood behind (no matter how much it was already stripped from him bc of his family back in russia)

3. HIS FUCKING CAREER. like god this is abt to actually piss me off. i don’t care how fucking great if a player he is, the man can only do sm. like that could have such a huge and terrible impact on his career. leaving a team that has great chances of winning another cup to go to a team that hasn’t even touch the playoffs in who knows how fucking long is insanity to me. also that’s so much added pressure on him to “fix” the team when he’s dealing with his secret relationship and adjusting to moving to a whole new country… AGAIN

4. this makes ilya completely dependent on shane’s support systems. which is not healthy. like yes, yuna and david love them both and see ilya as a son. but for a minute he is js shane’s bf. they aren’t his parents. he has no support system. no one to confide in abt anything. (i think this is a big part of the reason his depression gets so bad in TLG) like shane has hayden who finds out, rose who knows he’s gay, his parents who know everything, and at the very least some friends on the Voyaugers until he comes out and they’re dickheads. ilya has virtually no one of his own that’s not attached to shane. that he won’t feel like is on shane’s side instinctively. even if they aren’t and that’s not true, anyone would naturally assume bc they were “shane’s” first that they loyalty lies with shane. so that leaves him with what? nobody? yeah fuck off.

and i know troy is there but troy comes later. and how it’s handled makes it seem like he doesn’t speak to marleau or anyone from the bears at all. not from bad blood but js bc. and sveta is barely there too. like pls fuck off. bc i know relationships aren’t always fair bc nothing is ever truly fair, but they should have good compromise. this doesn’t.

shane virtually keeps everything he wants. he stays on the team that he’s “build a brotherhood” with, keeps his virtually high standing career from it, keeps his friends, his family, and now his boyfriends had uprooted his life and lived closer. this isn’t a “win win” it’s a shane wins.

and often times it’s branded as this thing bc shane needs something to control. he needs regimes and plans and to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. and all of that is great and i believe it. but you can’t make me believe that someone who loves ilya to the degree that Mr. Real Estate does would every stick to and construct a plan like this that disregards ilya’s safety and stability? his #1 priorities?? yeah fuck all the way off. (not after hockey bc i hate any agenda that says shane would ever put hockey before that man)

bc while i do believe a plan was made bc of shane’s OCD ridden anxiety and bc he’s my smol autistic bean that loves excel, i don’t believe shane’s as emotionally unaware as he’s depicted. esp not with ilya. shane has spent his entire life masking and adjusting and finding control and safely and stability in anything he can. and he recognized ilya doing the same things js in different ways for different reasons. he would NEVER willingly take all of that away from him.

also shane is very capable and knows how to pivot and adjust accordingly. i also think that he’s aware enough to know and also has a good enough support system to lovely check him (shout out yuna and david) and tell him that that “plan” only considers one of them. also dare i say that mfer is grown. if it’s that bad he can go to therapy like the rest of us and figure it out. he doesn’t js “get his way”.

(sidenote i feel like if anything shane should have traded out highk. get away from a toxic work environment… maybe even go to new york??? i got this from a fanfic and now im taking it as my personal canon)

i also feel like this could have been a really beautiful moment for the both of them lowk. of shane pushing ilya to do things that make him feel safe and happy. choosing things or fighting for what he wants bc he deserves to prioritize himself. that’s also practicing good mutal bonding and mental health.

(i also think this pisses me off sm bc my queen and king yuna and david are the healthy relationship compromise final bosses. and i KNKW they did not raise shane like this and would not let this slide bc okay is their baby js as much as shane is)

sorry i lowk lost it yall, i js feel so deeply abt this. like you can’t build the basis of a character and relationships and then have them do shit that makes no sense in the context of said characters and relationships. but yeah if you wanna hear my other ills with the books pls let me know. i did not spend all those years in AP classes and current classes to get an eng major for nothing 😛

A Surprise Pride and Prejudice Engagement

all my ships: harry & ginny (harry potter).