coles journal

3 weeks into living in SF and god it’s felt like a lifetime. day 2 i met a guy who i’d been chatting with on hinge. i instantly fell head over heels and decided that was my sign that i made the right choice by moving here. one day in and i already met someone who’s made me feel more special than anyone back home ever did. that has to be divine intervention saying “keep going”. from there we spent every day going to the beach or the park or somewhere else extremely romantic in the city, and every night was spent at the club or private parties where we danced together all night. although this time was so special and had me riding such a high, there was this cloud slowly encroaching as the days went on because this boy was studying abroad in spain in 2 weeks. so every minute we spent together was also a minute closer to the expiration date and this almost made me fly off the deep end. i ended up drunkenly crying or wallowing to him about this a few more times than im able to justify. i ended up meeting all his friends and then slowly met his entire family and he started calling me his boyfriend and set a picture of us as his wallpaper…. how could you not dive head first into someone after all that. especially considering i had no one else in this city. i was (and still am) scared, stressed, sad, and alone when he wasn’t around but as soon as he was everything was ok. anyways, he left for spain 3 days ago. things looked promising that first day. the second he told me some bad news… basically i unintentionally impacted his trip( i don’t wanna say why on here), and now he’s taking some space from me.