NTRiza

Letters left unsaid // so that none will hear of this tale ever again

The safe is Ryōshū's coping mechanism, it's what was helping her deal with abuse that she was experiencing, issue is that, coping mechanisms don't work with everyone same way and she tried to show to Araya her coping mechanism and it didn't worked as she expected because Araya isn't Ryōshū, so what worked for Ryōshū only had bring harm to Araya

And so her mother leaves, she leaves because of good internations, she wants to find support system to get them both from abusive household, but by doing such she accidentally left Araya without her own support system

And so girl is alone, traumatized by a fact that her mother left her, she leaves hiding spot as she can't bear loneliness anymore and here stands Rien, her own grandfather, and gives her essentially deal she can't refuse, because what other choice she even has, and he knows it, he taking advantage of it

There a reason why we see her aged fingers just after he mentions vacancy, role of adult is already put by him on her before she could say anything, role of her own grandmother, it's an illusion of choice

And memories flood her mind, memories of better times, memories of what was and what could have been, memories only adding to pain, as they are out her reach and her mother is still gone

And as she is asks question if doing what he asking, will her mother came back, her log her shows a child portrait, even though she is supposed to have adult body in this moment, she isn't an adult at all

But she is given mantle of adult, clothes, name, role, all of it of adult woman, given by him, and by something out her reach for his own goals, and its suffocating to her, this voice is not her’s, the height is not her’s, those responsibilities aren't supposed to be her’s

She is put into outfit that looks like a wedding dress, a symbol of womanhood, a symbol of adulthood, a symbol of motherhood

She is parentified, literally, as she is made to take care of young man who is two times older than her and she is supposed to be his teacher, essentially his mother as no one has idea that a child here has such role

And she can't do anything with it because this role both suffocating and keeping her safe, because if she puts her guard down, if she doesn't do what she is told, she is as good as dead, so she plays along, after all, she is supposed to be mature, is she, she expected to know everything, is she

She plays along without a sound, plays along with his horrible plan because in her own eyes she is nothing more than a thing in her own, forgotten lost thing, a heartless doll lost in the forest, doll played by a man who doesn't care about what she feels, who knows everything and played by thing she can't even kill and they just play with her as she is groaning in constant pain

Even voice of humanity chosen her as target and she can't do anything with it, but to bear the pain

It gets to a point she is dissociating, there moments where she just stands, unmoving, disconnected from the world as everything is too much for her mind and body

And when she sees her mother again, her world goes crashing down, because all she did, all the abuse she had to bear, it was for nothing, her mother is smart, she would have recognised her no matter what

And she just doesn't, she is furious at her, and so Araya even more plays along with a plan given to her, since there is no choice, she is just a forgotten thing that should do what she is told, nothing what she did mattered, and so she is angry at herself, for believing that anything could change, angry for mother for forgetting her, for not recognising her

She is nothing more than a chain to keep her mother here, she is long recognised it, and now she wanted her mother to cut away this chain, to end her misery and be free without her, since she doesn't need her daughter anyway, let her at least not be chained here anymore

And yet her mother persist, persist at this illusion of hope that anything can change, clings at this image of innocent hidden girl and not noticing how this girl rotted away and husk that left of her stands in front of her

And as her mother slashes her, as her own mother now tries to cut away everything, she realises, it was a mistake, she looks at her memories of past and future and realises that

She mattered, no matter what her mother would come for her, her mother always loved her, and that she herself is a person, and she will stop her mother from committing same mistake she just did, she will save her, as she is most precious thing she has

And as her body disappears in the cuts, she at least disappears with a smile, thinking about how her mother will be safe now, with or without her

Awkward...