hhhhnnnn, i'm working through translating HH again, and i would just like to say, from the bottom of my heart, all the guys in love with magda are such fucking losers when she's not around
Xavier: antisocial shut-in that writes self insert fanfic and publishes it, best friend is a 300+ y/o pervert that can't leave, he lets the pervert talk for him so he doesn't have to, he takes dating advice from the pervert, he really just wants to sit in his mouldy room and do magic math until he dies
Carlos: petty, whiny, busybody that can't keep his nose out of everybody's business, is constantly having shouting matches with shatina, sometimes he gets in fights with her over pudding, they're like siblings biting and kicking each other over stupid shit, "that's it, i'm getting a sugar mommy and i'm leaving!"
Willow: emo 80 year old teenager with a drinking problem that can't stop getting into fights for fun
Black Glove: literally just a nepo baby with a gambling problem that ran away from home bc he had an argument with dad and doesn't want to admit he was wrong, got a casino he cheats to win with specifically to fund his never going back home to apologize, he got into human trafficking for this shit, he has hatchet men on retainer because his ego is more important than apologizing, his family is totally nice and normal, in fact they're sitting on the front porch of their stupid mansion with banners and a cake waiting for him to come home, like they genuinely love and care about him what happened, he keeps running away from his sister like a loser bc she's onto him
Barris: he's just like that actually, slightly more shouting about the law
Pan: it's like he's herding cats, his job is managing idiots, the roof needs to be replaced and the budget just got cut again, he keeps yelling at all his priests and nuns to behave, one of his priests is doing so bad with his vows of chastity that he keeps writing complaint letters to the pope about how much the nun outfits turn him on, he can't even get this stupid rule about slutty nun outfits repealed because one of the higher ups in the church is straight up an unapologetic pervert and the pope doesn't care enough to stop him, one of his nuns is the fucking princess of lionheart and she calls the pope grandpa, if anything happens to her lionheart is starting a war, making fun of nobles and coning them out of money is his only joy in life since he can't drink
absolutely none of that suave bullshit is real, they're holding their tongues to keep from saying something stupid, it must be physically painful actually, i'll bet carlos practices his lines in front of the mirror