I really like that process [of self-discovery]. I even did a psychoanalysis with my psychologist because that canābecause even though he never says anything, itās me talking about my life and patterns start to evolve where it gives you that extra bit of understanding.Ā
And in my psychoanalysis, for example, the importance of my father came about. How important it is for me also to impress him and things like that. And thatās also, in my understanding, been very, very helpful to understand that part.Ā
And then it was really a lot about just understanding myself as well. And their basic example is, why do you feel jealous when my wife looks at some other guy that looks good? Why do I feel, straight away, such painful jealousy? [...] But I understand that itās just me, really, and itās my ego, and so now I just accept. Because of course sheās not doing anything wrong. You know, itās justā¦so thatās the example. And then if you accept and you understand, it has a spiral effect on your life, really. So yeah.Ā
[...] The big step was showing vulnerability also to my dad. So we then, as a result, sat down. I asked if we could sit down, and really have a good conversation, open conversation, also about my feelings, his feelings.Ā
And then the funniest thing came about, because I told him also that Iām so different to him, you know, heās the macho kind of guy, macho. And Iām very, Iām much more sensitive and insecure and things like that. So Iām very, very different.
Ā And Iām like telling him, you know, I would love to be more like you. And then heās telling me, āWell, Nico, I would love to be more like you!ā [laughs] And Iām like, āWhat?ā And then he suggests, you know, that surely, probably, the middle way would be the best way. And Iām like, āWow, he wants to be more like me.ā I mean, that for me it was really an eye-opening moment, which, and this process then, has made also nowā¦Iām so much, Iām just totally relaxed actually when Iām with him. And itās just now my mom and him are on one level for me also. And itās just really changed the dynamic and the process as weāve gone through it.Ā
[ā¦] And it was so interestingāI want to be more like you, and heās like, āOh yeah, but I want to be so much more like youā because my father isā¦he goes on instinct. Which part of the brain is that?
Amygdala
So he has a huge amygdala and has no problem in reacting on the amygdala. So if someone annoys him, the person will find out instantly. [laughing] The amygdala will go out of control!Ā
Whereas my amygdala, I have it totally under control. You will never see me getting angry or something. I will always be thinking about it. Even if I shout at my kids, I actually tell me kids that Iām going to shout at you now. [laughs] āIām sorry, cover your ears, but Iām going to shout at you now.ā Nothing comes from the amygdala without me really having control over it.Ā
[...] Was [your intelligence/rationality] a barrier you had to overcome in the beginning, to really give yourself to this whole process of self-discovery?
Um, no, because I was always someone whoā¦I questioned myself a lot, and Iām more on the insecureā¦and at first, Iāll always think, okay, itās my fault or Iām not good enough or whatever. And so I never had an issue with questioning myself and finding processes to progress. Yeah. So no, not really.
Ā Probably, I think thatās more on the side of the people who are moreā¦have the little bit of the narcissism or whatever who are so in love with themselves that they will then struggle to accept that it can be helpful for them to open up this journey or something.
[ā¦] But then there will be my fatherās example once again. Even though now Iām mentioning him quite a lot. But anyways, um, for himā¦ābrain doctorā is like, that doesnāt work. Like āwe donāt need brain doctors.ā
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