The Queen of Cats

I Was So Good And Polite They Are Putting Me In The Touch Tank At Aquarium Tomorrow.

"What were you doing at the devils sacrament" jarking my whole thing off. Next quiestuon.

an hour after two edibles and these boxes start communicating with me telepathically

there is always some fucking laundry and dust and some other shit

bitches hate me because of my.... bad personality.... paranoid nature... addictive tendencies......the torture basement.

lets see the hags at cvs try to decline my card now that ive got my severed warlock hand talisman

Yup returning to necromancy, I’m so back. And you’re so back, and you’re so back, and you’re so back, and you’re

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

80% of the ocean has not been explored. there could be a Dollar General down there

woke up and turned over and there was a roach next to me.... wtf did we do last night....?

if this were my baby skull i would gild it with gold and put it on the head of a cane and walk around with it, and all the buttons on my waistcoat would be my gold-covered baby teeth. and they would call me golden skeleton baby man. not that you care

there is literally nothing worse than accidentally eating a really soft grape

have you ever eaten a soft grape