*pulls on leather gloves* It is my professional opinion that you need less blood. Let us begin.

80% of the ocean has not been explored. there could be a Dollar General down there

me every day of my stupid little life: if i dont get a Little Treat in the next five minutes im going to die

the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

did you do it

now this is some semantic bullshit i can get behind

woke up and turned over and there was a roach next to me.... wtf did we do last night....?

no more stress thanks, i’m full

*steps in a puddle and a Dark Souls style status effect bar rapidly fills until I’m struck with !!WET SOCKS!! nd i explode and die horribly*

"Are you more of a family or career oriented person?" Babygirl im a bed oriented person. Snork mimimi

happy pride month to this post specifically

Must suck ass to be like. a lawyer or something in the pokemon world. They haven't made any cool lawyer pokemon yet

Ho oh

I think we have different definitions of ‘lawyer’ but sure

Why wouldn't ho oh be a lawyer? They're a Phoenix, wright?

In the kindest way possible, fuck you