the tetrarchy was a lie 𐂂

tomorrows the last of the slow endings,, figures its on a tuesday,, theres no better time for loss,, but i wont open that can just yet.. im not gonna say im miserable and barely clinging to life cause of it,, ill live,, its just change,, things didnt work out and thats that,, davey told me sometimes people come into our life to teach us a lesson,, i kinda believe that,, these bonds laid the foundation for self discovery,, we learned so much about ourselves in the process,, even if things are different now.. and weird,, very weird,, it feels strange having a part of my identity i was so secure with be isolated from me,, pride hits different now,, im gay and primarily attracted to men.. but ive always had like.. exceptions to that,, cause im demisexual first and foremost,, im very drawn to dudes and dude adjacent,, but i have caught romantic feelings for people who werent masc,, and that spurred me to be sexually attracted too,, but now.. ?? idk if i have exceptions anymore,, i think it was removed after 987 split off me,, that split isolated a lot of my traits.. im still learning all of the mystical ways it ffucked me over,, but one of the traits that got sapped from me came back,, the one that nuked my social life,, im able to seek material world bonds again,, i can be invested in people again.. short term,, but i mean i am aplatonic so theres only so far i can take it,, anyway my capacity to socialize is in tact but my sexuality is borked,, it sucks man.. i spent so much of my energy trying to defend the legitimacy of my attraction,, and it changed.. those exceptions dont apply anymore,, im 1000% homo,, im chronically gay with no asterisk,, im only attracted to men and masculinity,, men and men accessories,, i love that for me.. but itll take some time before this grief goes away,, im still mourning the troll i used to be.. theres nothing wrong with my attraction being binary,, its ok to lean to one side,, ill just always miss the middle,, theres a void in me ok well.. i should hop off,, my moirail is out of work so i can go vent to him,, i should probably check on d.. and see if 1k is adjusting ok,, ..ugh,, i hope one day i can wake up and have this moment be lightyears behind me,, if its even possible,, 1k pretty much immortalized the this since hes introjected from it,, ..eh,, cognitive dissonance has done ffuckier things,, maybe i can take the good parts with me,, theres a lot of good,, it wasnt regrettable.. it was for love,, love is beautiful.. even the grief that comes from losing it,, itll be ok