why

grizzled dead-inside hired assassin but he never falls for the femme fatale he only falls for the Completely Awkward Guy At The Computer and it's really frustrating for him

sorry had to revise this from secret agent to assassin; I want no connotations of suaveness. i want a functioning alcoholic who hasn't shaved in days bleeding ("am I bleeding? jesus fu—") from a torso wound, passing out, gun in hand, and waking up to Guy At The Computer making a functioning nuclear reactor in Minecraft. He looks up groaning and is just like "bad news: i'm still alive worse news: i'm deeply attracted to this....person" nerd swivels around in an ergonomic chair "oh you're awake!" takes off his headset and he's wearing a loss t-shirt

really crazy how much i’ve imagined this fic. like it’s soooooo imagined you wouldn’t even believe. not writing it though

yeah bro it's a character study. the 2 thousand words of blowjob is vital to the study of the character

i thought this was a hospital drama why does he have a shotgun?!??!?

It's a really, really good hospital drama

I'm so glad I turned on the Audio bc it turns out this is set to Boney M's Rasputin and is basically perfectly synced

I ruined my tiktok algorithm by watching nothing but House episodes for like a week and have no regrets

jobs for autism boy NO phone call NO schedule NO talking to people NO emails NO computer programming or sex work NO becoming a youtuber NO starting a band NO leaving my house NO one gets mad at me. $27 per hour please