depression personified

god won’t let me kill myself because he’s SCARED of what he’s created and he knows i’ll drag him to filth and honestly. he should fear me

me, a mentally ill and constantly miserable fool: damn must be that retrograde getting to me 😪🤔😒

it’s getting bad again

i hate that “mentally ill” has been given negative connotations by a lot of people. like whenever i talk about mentally ill people im scared of coming off as offensive and whenever i refer to myself as mentally ill i worry people will hear that and decide im just like their ableist caricature of a mentally ill person. mentally ill is not a bad phrase. mentally ill is not a bad thing to be. mentally ill people aren’t your caricatures. we are real people.

i wish that people either didn’t care about me so that i could disappear without bothering anyone, or that people cared about me in the first place so i wouldn’t feel this way.

u ever stop being suicidal for like 5 seconds and think to yourself “gotta get back on that”

*pokes my motivation* do something ho

that mental illness feel where u get frustrated because u are unable to distinguish whether u are empty and void of all emotion, or if u are feeling so overwhelmed by ur emotions that u simply don’t know how to process it all at once

me, who has done nothing but take time to myself for the last two weeks: i need some time to myself

me: drinking tea, enjoying life, wearing a cute outfit me, not even ten seconds later: sobbing, dying, feeling worthless and suicidal, wishing i were never born, suffering, dying, and dying,,

if you can’t handle me at my worst then we have something in common because neither can i

“pshh ill totally have the motivation to do that thing tomorrow, lemme just push it off for a bit” says i, the person with chronic depression, never been motivated a day in my life

the scariest thing about having an unreliable memory is like?? was it really as bad as i remember it being ?? what if i deserved it??? what if it was my fault the whole time?? i don’t know!! i can’t remember!!!!!