Karen hesitated outside the door to the motel room. She had been hesitating the whole evening; when she got out of the shower, when she put on her clothes, when she went down the stairs.
When she saw Ted, asleep in his chair with Holly on his chest.
That’s when she had made up her mind. She couldn’t do this.
But something made her go anyway. Billy was … well. He deserved an explaination. Eye to eye. And while there was a small part of her that was still tempted to see where the night would go if she let it, she felt the decision settle in her bones. She would go there, tell him that she couldn’t do this, and go home - to her family - and forget this ever happened.
Her decision didn’t make it any easier to knock on the door, though. Which was why she was still hesitating.
Billy’s recognizable car was parked in front of a door, so she knew where to go (she’d parked on the other end of the lot).
The motel did have a pool, she noticed absentmindedly, and looked away. Took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately, as if he’d been waiting just inside of it.
Caught off-guard, she laughed nervously. Billy was leaning against the doorframe, giving her a once-over and nodding appreciatively.
“Karen”, he said, licking his lip. “Come in.”
She wasn’t going to, she’d told herself that she wouldn’t - that she would just tell him no and leave - but he took her hand in a gentle grip and before she knew it, she was inside and Billy was closing the door behind her and no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She steeled herself. Turned towards him.
“I can’t do this”, she blurted.
She had to turn again, when Billy walked past her towards the bed, where he sat down and leaned back on his elbows. He was wearing a shirt, half-open, and was watching her with half-lidded eyes. He was still smiling, as if he hadn’t heard her.
“I can’t do this”, she said again. And, to soften the blow, “I’m sorry.”
He was still smiling. It was ennerving.
“Can’t do what, Karen?” he finally said, and sat up on the bed.
She floundered, and gestured to him on the bed. “This. I can’t do this. I’ve got a family, Billy, I can’t do this to them. I’m sorry.”
She didn’t know what she was sorry about. For letting him believe something would happen, maybe. For agreeing to meet here in the first place, perhaps. For showing up at all.
Billy didn’t look sorry, though. He stood up, and shrugged; hands wide.
“I understand”, he said, and relief washed over her. His next words made her blood freeze in his veins, though. “But others may not be so understanding.”
He was still smiling at her. Still giving her the charming grin that had made her knees week just hours ago. Now it made her heart beat faster for other reasons.
“What would your husband say if he knew you were here with me?”
She gasped. Opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. He continued, as calmly as if he was discussing the weather.
“What would your children say?”
He gave her a significant look, still smiling. “You know, I went to school with Nancy. And my sister, she’s friends with your son.”
And it hit her then, how royally she had fucked up. This boy - Billy - was almost the same age as Nancy. And she had almost-
“Billy”, she breathed, “I-”
I’m sorry. I don’t want this. Please don’t do this.
But he interrupted her. “I’m just saying, that if people found out about us …”
“Us?” she spluttered. “There is no us. Nothing happened! Nothing was going to happen.”
“Says you”, Billy said, voice smooth as silk. “But will your husband belive you? Will your children? Will your friends?”
As her eyes widened, he cocked his head to the side and gave her a knowing look.
“Oh yeah”, he said. “I’ve seen you at the pool, with those other women. I’ve seen the looks you lot give me. I know what you’re saying about me behind my back.” He threw his head back and laughed, and it almost sounded real. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered. But do you really think that those women will believe you, when they’ve seen the way you act around me?”
Billy must have seen it, because his eyes softened. She was almost fooled by it.
“They don’t have to know. For a … small contribution, they won’t ever find out. I promise.”
As if a promise from him would mean anything. As if she could trust him.
“Are you …” She wet her lips, had to know for sure what this was. “Are you blackmailing me?”
He didn’t deny it. Instead, he took a deep breath, shook a lock of hair out of his face and gestured vaguely with one hand.
“I’m simply suggesting a … transaction … that will benefit us both.”
She closed her eyes. Wished with everything that she had that she hadn’t come tonight; hadn’t left her house. Finally she swallowed, blinked her eyes open and looked straight at him.
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