A Wild Trash Blog Has Appeared

This guy gets it.

“…The Rise of Skywalker, the most soulless entry of the Disney era of Star Wars and perhaps the new prime example of how this age of filmmaking has brutally jettisoned vision and surprise for slavish devotion to IP and what a bunch of executives think you, the stupid public, want to see. This is two and a half hours of nonstop stuff, incessant exposition that flits through scenes designed to micro-target every possible fan-service desire at the expense of coherence or meaning. It actively unravels The Last Jedi’s bold revisions and thematic questions, cooing into the audience’s ear that everything will be as they want again, like massaging a pill down a dog’s throat. 

I keep thinking about Billy & Karen Wheeler. Like, he was laying it on thick, there at the pool, and I get the feeling that he’s enjoying getting her all flustered. Like, it literally looks like he’s playing a part (and maybe laughing at her, behind her back).

I also keep thinking about how, even when he’s possessed by an interdimensional monster who can’t bare to be in the sun, Billy shows up at work, and climbs up in that lifeguard chair and does his job. (There are a few other posts about this here on tumblr, and they’re all on point.)

I also keep thinking about the Camaro (bear with me, here, it’s going to be relevant in a moment); when he crashes the car, he keeps cursing at it and kicking it and calls it a ‘piece of shit’ (and let’s be real here, okay, that car is fucking gorgeous and as far from a piece of shit that a car can get, and those are just the facts). Billy seems like a person who loves his car. So why would he treat her like that, then? It makes no sense.

Now, what connects all this? My theory is money.

Because if Billy is saving up to be able to go back to California, or at least get out from under Neil’s roof, he would show up to work even when he was feeling bad. And the frustration of crashing his car (and thus knowing that he’d have to shell out to get it fixed, with money he’s saving to Get Away), would have him curse his car out (even though it’s not the car’s fault).

And Mrs Wheeler? Where does she come in?

Well.

Karen has money. She’s well off, and married, and also obviously thirsting over Billy.

On the other side, Billy does not have money. He’s young, and hot (and, lbr, probably gay). He also hasn’t been shown to care much for the people (girls/women) in Hawkins.

So. Karen Wheeler is actually the perfect mark … for blackmailing.

Imagine it with me: Billy’s flirting with some married housewife (who’s bored of her boring little housewife life in boring little Hawkins), and arranges a date with her in some discreet location. And when (if) she shows up, no matter what she expects - she gets an ultimatum. Either she pays, or Billy will let her husband know what happened (even if nothing happened - honestly, her friends has been thirsting over Billy along with her, they’re not going to believe that nothing happened). He has the power to ruin her marriage, her reputation, her life.

Of course she pays. And she’s not mentioning it to anyone, naturally - because she can’t, not without exposing herself and what she (almost) did.

Billy gets money, Billy doesn’t have to have sex with older women, Billy can continue his “womanizing” ways (to keep up his reputation) = Billy is happy.

When she saw Ted, asleep in his chair with Holly on his chest.

That’s when she had made up her mind. She couldn’t do this.

But something made her go anyway. Billy was … well. He deserved an explaination. Eye to eye. And while there was a small part of her that was still tempted to see where the night would go if she let it, she felt the decision settle in her bones. She would go there, tell him that she couldn’t do this, and go home - to her family - and forget this ever happened.

Her decision didn’t make it any easier to knock on the door, though. Which was why she was still hesitating.

Billy’s recognizable car was parked in front of a door, so she knew where to go (she’d parked on the other end of the lot).

The motel did have a pool, she noticed absentmindedly, and looked away. Took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately, as if he’d been waiting just inside of it.

Caught off-guard, she laughed nervously. Billy was leaning against the doorframe, giving her a once-over and nodding appreciatively.

“Karen”, he said, licking his lip. “Come in.”

She wasn’t going to, she’d told herself that she wouldn’t - that she would just tell him no and leave - but he took her hand in a gentle grip and before she knew it, she was inside and Billy was closing the door behind her and no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She steeled herself. Turned towards him.

“I can’t do this”, she blurted.

She had to turn again, when Billy walked past her towards the bed, where he sat down and leaned back on his elbows. He was wearing a shirt, half-open, and was watching her with half-lidded eyes. He was still smiling, as if he hadn’t heard her.

“I can’t do this”, she said again. And, to soften the blow, “I’m sorry.”

He was still smiling. It was ennerving.

“Can’t do what, Karen?” he finally said, and sat up on the bed.

She floundered, and gestured to him on the bed. “This. I can’t do this. I’ve got a family, Billy, I can’t do this to them. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t know what she was sorry about. For letting him believe something would happen, maybe. For agreeing to meet here in the first place, perhaps. For showing up at all.

Billy didn’t look sorry, though. He stood up, and shrugged; hands wide.

“I understand”, he said, and relief washed over her. His next words made her blood freeze in his veins, though. “But others may not be so understanding.”

“What?”

He was still smiling at her. Still giving her the charming grin that had made her knees week just hours ago. Now it made her heart beat faster for other reasons.

“What would your husband say if he knew you were here with me?”

She gasped. Opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. He continued, as calmly as if he was discussing the weather.

“What would your children say?”

He gave her a significant look, still smiling. “You know, I went to school with Nancy. And my sister, she’s friends with your son.”

And it hit her then, how royally she had fucked up. This boy - Billy - was almost the same age as Nancy. And she had almost-

“Billy”, she breathed, “I-”

I’m sorry. I don’t want this. Please don’t do this.

But he interrupted her. “I’m just saying, that if people found out about us …”

“Us?” she spluttered. “There is no us. Nothing happened! Nothing was going to happen.”

“Says you”, Billy said, voice smooth as silk. “But will your husband belive you? Will your children? Will your friends?”

As her eyes widened, he cocked his head to the side and gave her a knowing look.

“Oh yeah”, he said. “I’ve seen you at the pool, with those other women. I’ve seen the looks you lot give me. I know what you’re saying about me behind my back.” He threw his head back and laughed, and it almost sounded real. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered. But do you really think that those women will believe you, when they’ve seen the way you act around me?”

No. She didn’t.

Billy must have seen it, because his eyes softened. She was almost fooled by it.

“They don’t have to know. For a … small contribution, they won’t ever find out. I promise.”

As if a promise from him would mean anything. As if she could trust him.

“Are you …” She wet her lips, had to know for sure what this was. “Are you blackmailing me?”

He didn’t deny it. Instead, he took a deep breath, shook a lock of hair out of his face and gestured vaguely with one hand.

“I’m simply suggesting a … transaction … that will benefit us both.”

She closed her eyes. Wished with everything that she had that she hadn’t come tonight; hadn’t left her house. Finally she swallowed, blinked her eyes open and looked straight at him.

#this feels so real it makes my skin crawl #imagine that he crashes on the way home #celebrating his little stunt #and everything else happens in season 3 #and at the end he doesn't die #and the party is kind to him #visits him in the hospital #and when he's better #he goes to karen's house and hands her back the money #and apologizes #and maybe he tears up a bit #and karen wants to tell him to fuck off #but instead she hugs him #and lets him cry #and offers him some fresh muffins and some coffee #and he winds up at her kitchen table telling her about his mother #and how much he misses her #which leads to an explanation about the money #and maybe he explains why he's so desperate about leaving hawkins #and why steve harrington is more his type than karen will ever be #and karen becomes the leader of the 'protect billy hargrove' club #and all her friends wind up members #GOD THE POSSIBILITES

“Beauty Tahani wants to battle!”

“Trainer Chidi wants to battle! …Maybe? Actually, hold on, he isn’t totally sure yet. Trainer Chidi is debating the ethical implications of Pokémon battles with himself. It’s… taking a while. Maybe you should just go.

Trainer Chidi… has a stomach ache.”

“Holy shirtballs! Trainer Eleanor wants to battle!”

“Oh, dip! Trainer Jason wants to battle! “

“Trainer Janet wants to battle, and she can absolutely assure you that she does not have a Maractus!”

this is him, by the way. His name is TK-421, and he is the star of the short story “Of MSE-6 And Men”.  He owns a mouse droid and is in an affair with a superior officer, who turns out to Tarkin.

The actual officer whom the trooper is in a relationship goes unspecified within the book, and isn’t listed as Tarkin specifically

However.

The officer is described as; wearing a grey suit, continuously bragging about the strength of the Death Star, and having the highest level of clearance aboard the Death Star, which is how he is able to send secret messages to TK-421

At one point the officer says he won’t be interrogating Princess Leia because Darth Vader will be doing it, meaning he’s definitely high enough in the chain of command to know that about Vader

At one point the officer jokes he just gave an “explosive” demonstration. The story takes place right around the time Alderaan is blown up. 

According to someone on Reddit, the Audible version of the story uses Tarkin’s voice for the officer in question

Robin, sliding Billy $10: So?

Billy: Heather’s shift ends today at 6. She likes horror films. The cinema is showing The Shining around 7 If you want to go.

Billy, sliding back the same $10: Now don’t forget your part of the deal.

Robin, pocketing the $10: Dingus is off today. He’s working tomorrow from 8am until 1. Don’t order the Sundae Supreme it’s too complicated for him to make and he gets flustered about it.

Both nod and go their separate ways.