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woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place

I’D PLAY WITH THESE

You guys are always like "being crushed by 10,000 tons of rock probably feels good as hell" or "being torn to pieces by hunting dogs would low key fix me" and I feel like those things would actually be unpleasant.

How about "Drinking an ice cold strawberry milkshake probably feels good as hell". Do you guys like that one.

when heath ledger refused to participate in brokeback mountain skits and said “it’s not a joke to me” that’s how i feel when fast car by tracy chapman is alluded to in almost any context

promise me you'll stay on this site for 10 more years okay?

plasma plasma plasma i love plasma :3 i hope cosmic dies a painful death

Hey so last night I was really drunk and I inverted your dog. yeah he's now everything he once wasn't, and no part of him is retained from his former self. But you can see glimpses of what he once was in the reflection of what he's become so thats cool.

All my haters become lactaters when they suckle at the teat of success

All my haters become fellators when presented with the cock of victory

All my followers become judgemental when confronting my posts of internet